Healing Stories: A Transgendered Teen Finds Peace
Life is hard. Life is challenging for everyone. And to come to the realization that you may not be connected to the gender or sex that you were born into is an incredibly challenging experience for everyone.
Number one best-selling author, Counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has a story to share about one teenager he worked with the could open our eyes to the challenges faced by these individuals.
“She came in looking for help because her mom was tired of her depression. Her dad had continued to look the other way and whenever his wife would say I think our girl is struggling with depression he would just give a very simple answer that all teenagers struggle like our girl struggles.
But this young girl, a senior in high school, felt something was amiss her entire life. She had no interest in wearing dresses. She had no interest in being part of girl talk, or a clique, or a gossip group from elementary school through junior high through high school.
She had always felt different. But she couldn’t explain what the difference was. She was drawn to jeans, sneakers, skateboards, fishing, even blowing up glass bottles with firecrackers. Not the normal type of behavior of a young girl according to society.
At our first session she was very quiet, despondent, sullen. I asked just general questions about depression, anxiety, her friends, or lack of friends, and she started to express towards the end of the session a need to talk about something very important. As our time ran out that day, I told her that I would make more time with her next week if she needed more than an hour in our session. Her eyes lit up! She was so excited to come back the next week and said that she wanted to talk about things that were hard to talk about. I told her I was there for her.
The next week we started talking about her depression again. How she didn’t like school and didn’t really want to go to school. The list went on and on.
And then about halfway through the session she looked at me and said, “Mr. David, I’m not a normal girl. I don’t know how to say this other than I am a boy. I’m trapped in a girls body Mr. David, but I am a boy.”
It all made sense in an instant. I was sitting in front of a young transgendered girl who knew she was a boy. Do you know how difficult that would be? To be born of a certain sex and gender and yet know in your heart and soul that that’s not who you are?
Within the next several weeks her attitude improved dramatically. She was actually fun in our sessions. Her mom and dad had contacted me on the phone and asked me what magic I was pulling with their daughter and that she was a totally different girl at home.
They said that she still had depressive episodes, but that 50% of the time she was lighthearted. Something they hadn’t seen in over 10 years.
After several weeks of working together she told her mom and dad that she would be no longer wearing make up. That her real interest, skateboarding, fishing and more we’re going to become a bigger part of her life.
Her parents were upset at first, and when they came in, I talked to them about the potential reality that their daughter was a transgendered youth. I asked them to do research. I pointed them in directions to organizations where they could learn more about this potential reality with their little girl. It was very, very hard for the parents to understand and the father wanted to shut down constantly.
He was withdrawing from his little girl, we could see it in his eyes, and all I could do is encourage him to be open-minded. His daughter could sense a huge shift in him as well and one day in our session she told me that there was nothing she could do about it. “I am born in a woman’s body but I’m a boy and somehow I hope my mom and dad will come to the realization and accept me for who I really am.”
The last time I saw her the depression has lifted almost 100%. She’d become more confident. More grounded. I have shared with her different organizations to join and more experts and professionals to get in contact with so that she could see that this, her new life, could offer her both extreme challenges and yet at the same time inner peace .
I miss working with her. She, on her way to becoming a he, was brave, real, and one of the most lovable individuals I’ve ever met. I hope the world accepts her as she is starting to accepts herself.”
If there is any situation in life, that you need help with, reach out to David at www.davidessel.com. Today is the best day to do so.
Read more stories like this in David’s number one best-selling book