Healing Stories: From Rape to Forgiveness

For the past 27 years, as a counselor and a master life coach, number one best-selling author, I’ve experienced so many incredible healing’s in my work. I’ve seen incredible transformations of people going from the caterpillar to the butterfly. It is amazing.

And nothing may be more amazing than the story of healing I’m about to share with you here.

A number of years ago a woman came to me, nine years after being brutally raped and left for dead. They never caught the rapist. So for nine straight years she lived in terror… Agoraphobic, she never left her house… She was on multiple medications for anxiety, depression, and a sleep disorder.

When she walked into the office and sat down she was a nervous wreck, as expected. Here she was sitting in front of a male counselor, the first male counselor she had ever worked with, trying to talk about an event that had traumatized her deeply nine years prior.

After working with a number of other counselors, and still not seeing the success she wanted, I was her final hope. I didn’t know that at the time but I was about to find out that this could be one of the greatest challenges I had ever faced in my years of doing the work as a counselor and coach.

I asked during the first session if any of the previous counselors had worked with her in something that we call “desensitization therapy”.

In other words had they helped her to process the experience from the beginning to the end of what happened on that terrible night in order to bring that experience down in regards to our emotional response.

With this type of work, we have to move extremely slowly. Any form of PTSD from near drowning’s, to being beaten in relationships, raped, returning from war, recovering from an auto accident, needs to be done in a very patient and slow way.

So after a few weeks I gave her the first assignment, with a loving voice, that I would like her to begin to recall the rape experience in writing. I gave her detailed instructions to try to take some of the pressure off but at the same time letting her know that I would be here with her as many days as she needed me walking through this experience together.
She would never be alone in her healing.

While she was hesitant at first she did catch on and started to write on a daily basis about the experience.

When she would come in week after week I would ask her to read what she had written and of course at first it was a terrifying experience for her. But in the safety of my office, and with an open heart, I gently nudged her and told her that in the world of desensitization, what were trying to do is take a horrific experience from the past and to write about it so many times that it simply becomes a fact of life. When we get to that level we can move forward in life never forgetting the trauma from the past but being able to now finally deal with it in a way that is respectful, releasing, and healing all at the same time.

We were together for approximately one year. Halfway through the experience she was talking about that fateful night with a tone that would be equivalent to someone talking about what they ate for dinner the night before. We had reached a huge level of success. She was absolutely shocked at the progress she had made in just a simple six months.

By the eighth month she was moving off of all of her medication, along with her doctors understanding, she was starting to take smaller and smaller dosages of her antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, and sleep pharmaceuticals. At the end of the year she was totally free of all medications! We had gone through a written process of desensitization even into an area she never thought she would reach… The forgiveness of her rapist .

When I tell this story to audiences people are absolutely shocked that individuals can move forward after an extreme PTSD experience like this into a place of health and happiness.
But the healing isn’t done by me. I am simply the facilitator, asking questions and giving assignments.

My clients must be willing to go into the discomfort… Into the pain… To release it. This brave woman did everything I asked of her and at the end of our time together she was a radically different person.

As they say on television commercials I wouldn’t recommend that anyone try to do this by themselves at home. If you have experienced an incredibly stressful or traumatic event even from 50 years ago reach out and ask for a counselor to take you through the steps necessary to reach your own level of healing.

It’s easy to make mistakes in these type of exercises so rely on someone else to take you through it.

Here are a few things to think about if you have faced trauma in your past or even in your present experience:

Number one. Millions of people before you have made the choice to do the hard work to heal. It’s not easy. I don’t want anyone to think that you can just make up your mind to forgive someone and it will happen. It really does take a full commitment.

Number two. Be patient with yourself. Let me repeat this. Be extremely patient with your own healing. To take 12 months of counseling to heal from something so traumatic is not unusual. As a matter of fact I worked with another woman a number of years ago with an extreme trauma in her past and it took us two years to reach the same level of freedom. Be patient.

You deserve the life you desire. I am so proud of the client that I’m talking about today, her persistence, perseverance, resilience, that led to her being completely free from the past. She’s a walking miracle and you can be too.

David Essel is a number one best-selling author, counselor, master life coach and inspirational speaker. If you would like help in overcoming any challenge you’re currently facing in life, simply visit www.davidessel.com

David Essel, marriage, relationship, abusive relationship, happy marriage, healthy relationships, how to save a relationship, David Essel, Positive Thinking Will NEVER Change Your Life…

Healing Stories: The Saving of a Marriage

For most of us, marriage is hard work. Really hard work. And it seems with the divorce rate of over 50%, that a lot of us think marriage should be something effortless, like the old fantasy speak when people talk about finding your soulmate and never ever arguing for the rest of your lives together.

I wish it was true. But, after 27 years as a counselor and a life coach I can tell you that most successful marriages come about when people are able to ask for help, reach outside of themselves, to take care of the resentments and issues that may have been with a couple for a very long period of time.

About 10 years ago a woman came in to work with me after being in a dysfunctional marriage for a number of years. Everything came to a head, when her and her husband got into a physical altercation in their home.

A restraining order was placed upon him, and because they had a small child, the only way they could meet was on a very limited period of time in a very public setting.

During our sessions she would often wonder aloud if she should ever consider taking her husband back. He had been through anger management counseling, by then the restraining order had been dropped, and they were seeing each other a couple days a week mainly so he could see their young child.

I told her that number one she would have to take full responsibility for her role in the physical altercation that lead to her husband being taken to jail, and the concept of divorce was very real and in their faces.

Within a couple weeks she had done just that. Even though she wasn’t the one who had started the altercation, she accepted her role as someone who would push his buttons many times, in this case one too many, that helped push him over the edge.

Within another month or two he contacted me and said that he wanted to start working with me as well since he had completed his court ordered counseling.

Now to the average person, there is not even a question here. Divorce him now! As a matter of fact that’s what most people in her family said would be the best option, but she wasn’t so sure.

Due to this experience, his mind was wide open. He followed everything I asked him to write about, read about, he showed up on time for sessions and even did extra homework that I had never requested.

She did the same thing. She continued to come and work with me for over a year, as they tried to make a decision that would be best for them and best for their young child.

At the end of the year of working together they asked for my opinion. It was easy for me to look at both of them together in one session and tell them I thought they had what it took to bring their love back together, because we had already examined what led to the confrontations in the first place.

Their marriage grew stronger. Their love grew stronger. There was nothing getting in their way, and they created the most incredible love relationship out of something that seemed like absolute hell.

Regardless of how difficult your relationship might be, when both people come to the plate with an open mind and are willing to do the work necessary to heal their love, healing can take place.

You might be reading this and think that in your marriage, even though it’s filled with drama, it’s nowhere near this bad. But, if you want a great relationship instead of a mediocre one, that’s when we reach out for help.

I am so proud of this couple. I’m so proud of the thousands of couples I’ve worked with that Have created something beautiful in love, when they are on their backs hitting bottom.

If you’d like a few steps to help improve your marriage or relationship, whether it is seriously on the rocks or just not meeting your expectations , Please do the following:

Number one. Write down all of the things that attracted you to your partner in the beginning. What was it about them that made them special? Unique? A good fit for you?

Number two. This will take some deep, honest, soul-searching. How have you let your partner down? What have you done that has not been in the best interest of your relationship? Is it passive aggressive behavior? Have you become resistant to their needs? Have you become selfish with your time? Are you struggling with an addiction, that you need help with?

Number three. When you look at the above responsibilities that come from your side of the fence in this relationship, create a list of action steps that you can do to improve how you act with and around your partner. Don’t fall into the victim mentality state, where everything that’s gone wrong with your relationship is their fault. It rarely if ever is.

Number four. Ask for help. Whether it’s with a counselor, coach, minister, rabbi or anyone else in the world of relationships… Don’t do it on your own. Reach out for help. Even if it means that you go alone, because your partners not interested, many relationships have been healed with just one person reaching out for help.

If I can help you in anyway whatsoever go to our website www.davidessel.com/relationships and we can create for you, the same thing we helped this other couple create…

Deep, abiding, lasting love.

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Positive Thinking…Are You Still Drinking the Kool Aid? It’s Time to Stop!

Are you still drinking the positive thinking kool aid?

Are You Still Drinking the Positive Thinking Kool Aid?

It’s time to rethink what we have been taught.

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DO YOU STRUGGLE WITH PROCRASTINATION?

 DO YOU HAVE GREAT GOALS…BUT JUST CANNOT SEEM TO ACCOMPLISH THEM?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR VERY OWN COUNSELOR, CHEERLEADER, LIFE COACH,  5 DAYS A WEEK…TO HELP INSPIRE YOU TO CREATE THE LIFE YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED?

These daily video tips, every Monday – Friday,  will help you:

  • Shatter procrastination forever!
  • Get highly focused on the most important goal for you in 2017.
  • Learn how to get off the fence in life and into daily action to make your dreams a reality…
  • Find an accountability partner so that you can hold each other’s feet to the fire to do what’s needed every day.
  • Shatter any negative attitude or mindset that has been keeping you back from living at your full potential.
  • Learn how to make the first 30 minutes of every day the powerful breeding grounds for a positive mental attitude.
  • Shake off the subconscious sabotaging thoughts that can get in the way of the most well intended person when trying to create a dynamic new life.
  • Create daily action steps that will actually bring the results you so desire to you…Not mindless activity…But rather action steps that are both meaningful and specific.
  • And finally, learn how to boost your own self-confidence and self-esteem so that you carry this practice forward for the rest of the year.

David Essel’s “Daily Video Boost” is a daily inspirational video series that will be emailed directly to you every day, (you can join in anytime!), to give you the boost you need to make “2017 your best year ever!”

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Why?

WAS BUDDHA WRONG?

WAS BUDDHA WRONG?

Is it possible, that one of the most famous sayings attributed to Buddha, could be incorrect?

For the past 37 years number one best-selling author David Essel has been one of the leaders in sharing the power of positive thought. At least he was up until 1996.

During that year he had some incredible experiences with people like Maharishi mahesh Yogi, and even RAM DASS, that shattered his belief in the simplicity of positive thinking.

Now hold on. This doesn’t mean he’s not a positive thinker, he just believes that so many of the positive statements being passed around the world are rarely based in any form of reality.

Now back to Buddha. One quote that has been attributed to Buddha that may be fairly inaccurate is this quote “you become what you think about all day long”.

Now at first it sounds good. Actually perfect. That if I want to great stuff in my life and I think great thoughts, well according to this quote, I should experience this in my life. .

So if I think that I am a slim and healthy, and use those thoughts all day well it must be my destiny, because according to Buddhas quote, if I focus all day long on being slim and healthy it must come to fruition.

What about money. If the Buddhist statement is correct, if I think about being wealthy all day long, and since what we think about we become, I must be on my way to great wealth.

And this is where David says… Stop the insanity!

For years he studied, deeply studied Buddhism, but in the end this one quote, that is used on social media every day and even in a highly respected personal growth teachers workshops… The reality is not to be seen. As Essel shares in his number one best-selling book, ” POSITIVE THINKING WILL NEVER CHANGE YOUR LIFE …BUT THIS BOOK WILL!, if any major goal in life is achieved via your positive thoughts… That’s called a miracle. But how many people actually become all of these positive affirmations and thoughts they have all day long?

If the statement was true, why do we still have 70% of Americans are overweight or obese?

Now let’s look at the flipside of this statement

If you look at it from the other direction, regarding negative thoughts, well the statement may hold some validity. “We become what we think about all day long” could be very valid when it comes to people who put themselves down all day long… Or say that they’ll never find deep love… Or they’ll never break their addictions… Or you’ll never get out of debt….here Essel says there may be truth in the Buddhist statement.

But he totally disagrees with the concept that you can think about becoming wealthy, or finding your soulmate, or having the perfect body… And if you just put enough time during the day and are thinking about it it must become your reality.

In David’s number one best selling book, he disposes of the myth of positive statements like this, regarding their lack of power, Even when they come from such powerful teachers as Buddha

David recently stated on a nationally syndicated radio show, that he honestly believes if Buddha was in a room with him today, that even the Buddha himself would agree that David is correct.

It’s not so simple to become what we think about. However, if you work your butt off, combined with positive thoughts daily, that’s the formula for success.

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Rock Star

David is Giving Away His #1 Best Seller “Rock Star” All Week Long!

“Rock Star” is FREE this week!

Rock Star
As a way to thank you for making our book a #1 best seller, we are giving the Kindle version away FREE!!

Yes, our book “Rock Star, Finding God’s Purpose For Your Life”, is free. The Kindle Version for a limited time!

1) From Monday April 17th until Friday April 21st you can get the Kindle Version free by visiting www.davidessel.com

2) Share this email with your friends and family too!

“I really learned a lot by reading this short story. It is a good reminder of why we were created and our divine purpose for existing on this earth. How we are like rocks, withstanding anything. When you feel down and hopeless, reading this book will change your mindset and your life. I definitely give this a high recommendation.”
James Herrington

We thank you for your ongoing support!!

Love,

TEAM DAVID

SPIRITUAL FALLACY: IF GOD WANTS ME SOBER, WEALTHY OR MORE, HE WILL DO THAT FOR ME.

SPIRITUAL FALLACY: IF GOD WANTS ME SOBER, WEALTHY OR MORE,
HE WILL DO THAT FOR ME.

There are so many fallacies in the world of spirituality and personal growth.

Here’s one that is absolutely an excuse to NOT change.

“If God wants me sober, or wealthy, or deeply in love, he will find a way to give me those gifts.”

Insanity. Craziness. A great example of our desire to get out of any work IN life to accomplish our goals.

A number of years ago I was working with a woman who truly needed to become sober. Her life was spinning out of control. No one around her could tell the intense pain she was in, but it was evident in her low self-esteem, and the fact that she had begun isolating herself from people and activities in life.

After working together for about six months, she came in one day saying that she had worked with a spiritual teacher over the weekend that told her “if God wanted you sober, you will become sober. Drop any shame and guilt around your drinking, because he’s in control. Until he tells you to change, just continue on your path of drinking but without the shame and guilt.”

I could not believe what I was hearing! What insanity! A spiritual teacher, was telling my client to continue drinking… Even though her life was totally out of control. Of course it goes hand-in-hand with our desire these days to be living in instant gratification. Why do any work? If God wants me to change I will change, and if he doesn’t want me to change he is giving me the OK to stay where I am.

Insanity. That must end.

I continued working with this woman, but it took about two weeks for her to believe that this message the spiritual teacher told her, was absolute nonsense. Crap. Another example of the disgusting spiritual quotes that we all fall victim to sometime.

If you want a big goal, you’ve got to put in big effort. Relying on God to do all the work is really just simple crazy making.

For more about the reality of success, get Chapter 1 of David’s #1 best selling book, ” Positive thinking will never change your life….but this book will!”, free at www.davidessel.com

10 Reasons Why You Should Not Be Dating and Should Remain Being Single

For many people being single for any length of time is a fate worse than death.

They feel “less than”. Outcasts. Miserable.

But hold on! One of the reasons our divorce rate is over 50% is because people jump too soon into relationships and marriage. Before they are truly ready.

Below are David Essel’s “Top 10 reasons why you should stay single”, until you’ve been able to work through these issues.

1) “If you can’t handle me at my worst, YOU DO NOT DESERVE ME AT MY BEST.” People who say this are basically saying, “I am a basket case in love, and I want to do whatever I desire…and your role is to just take it.” Entitlement, at it’s worst. Stay single until you remove this nonsense from your belief systems.”

2) Anger at past lover…”If you’re still angry at a past love, who cheated, or dumped you, do not date until you have resolved this. It will come out at your next lovers as distrust, resentments etc. Clean up your past first. ”

3) Out of long term relationship or marriage less than 12 months. ” Take time to heal. Take time to look at your role in the failure of the relationship before you date. ”

4) Looking for your better half? “Do not date if you are looking for your better half, or someone to complete you. Learn how to be enough, as you are.”

5) Believe men are all dogs or women are self centered. “Past negative beliefs will destroy any future love.”

6) Want to date because your tired of being alone. “This is huge! Get comfortable entertaining yourself, or the next person will surely let you down…again.”

7) Tired of raising kids by yourself. “I hear this in my counseling/coaching practice every week. When you are looking for help like this, hire a nanny.”

8) Want someone to take care of your financial stress. “99% of relationships like this end in chaos and drama, resentments on both sides.”

9) Because your friends and family say you are the greatest catch in the world. “This does not mean you are ready to date! Clear up your past first.”

10) All of your friends are in relationships. “This screams insecurity, a terrible reason to date.”

In David’s best selling book “POSITIVE THINKING WILL NEVER CHANGE YOUR LIFE…BUT THIS BOOK WILL!”, he shares stories of people he has helped create deep love.
You can get chapter one free right here…

In his top course ” Love and Relationships”, he takes people through the steps needed to clear up the past, to be ready for love.
You can get more info on the “Love & Relationships” course right here
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WANT TO GIVE UP? WATCH THIS FIRST.

WANT TO GIVE UP? WATCH THIS FIRST.

I have wanted to give up on my dreams millions of times.

How about you?

First watch this…

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WHY DO I HAVE NEGATIVE BELIEFS?

One of the greatest challenges that people face today, when they want to change their lives, is eradicating negative comments and beliefs from other individuals that they have accepted as true.

David Essel throughout his #1 best selling book “Positive thinking will never change your life… But this book will!”, explains that the problem isn’t that the person believes these negative comments on the conscious level… But they’ve been embedded in the subconscious level for years,so we just act out what we have heard, even though it may not necessarily be true at all.

In his book David tells the story of a young woman, whose mom had berated her for years about her lack of understanding math.

Her mother had convinced her that she was stupid. That she would never learn math. That she would never be good with money. And so with these comments now cemented in this young girls subconscious mind, she acted them out for the rest of her life.

Even though at the age of 20, without a high school education because she dropped out due to her mothers comments that she will always be stupid, she secured an entrepreneurial position and earned $150,000 in her first year alone!

Unfortunately, when she started making that kind of money her mother came back into her life telling her that she was stupid still with math, that she will blow all her money, and of course the young girl did exactly that.

Fast forward 20 years. The girls mother is still telling her she’ll never be good with money, and this young girl now turned almost middle age has manifested financial stress her entire life. Because of her fear of rocking the boat and leaving her mother once and for all, she continues to have her in her life, and her mother continues to self sabotage her daughters existence.

The answer? As David states so clearly in the book, there are times in life that we need to move away from those negative yet influential people, who have planted these negative beliefs that are not necessarily true in our brains.

It might mean that you have to totally cut off that relationship. Or it could mean that you just greatly diminish the time that you speak to those individuals. But as we all know, some of the greatest steps to success are the most difficult ones. And that’s OK.

Then let’s look at the other side. The power of someone’s positive comments. David goes on to share a personal story in his book about how he was never very good at school, and especially spelling. With an older sister who is incredibly intelligent, and who always got A’s in her classes, he never felt that he lived up to family expectations. So he became an athlete, and a damn good one. But his parents and his teachers knew that he had to do better in school if wanted a successful career outside of athletics.

In third grade David met a mentor and teacher Sister Vidette. She took him under her wings. She told him he could become a great speller, that he could raise his grades if he worked really hard. At first he didn’t believe her. But she was relentless. Meetings with his parents became a regular event. Sister told David and his parents that she saw brilliance in him.

Through incredible hard work, and a persistent teacher and parents who believed in David, he became an exceptional speller. Little did he know at that time that later on in life her comments would be the creation of a career as an author. While his athletic life ended after two years of playing basketball at Syracuse University, his excellence in spelling would lead him to become incredibly successful in life.

David’s work in the subconscious mind, has helped millions of people to move past those negative comments of family, friends, coaches and even teachers… Allowing them to shake the past once and for ever, and to plant positive beliefs where at one time there were only negative ones.

As a society, many of us are told we will never be enough. We will never be good enough. David’s work is to reverse that trend, and give adults as well as young adults the chance to reverse the negative beliefs implanted by others… So they can be free, successful and happy in life. This is possible for everyone, but a key to change is understanding that you cannot cover up a negative belief with a positive one……you actually have to do the work, day after day, to eradicate all limitations.

(AND IF WE CAN HELP YOU, EMAIL US AT WWW.TALKDAVID.COM

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