Healing Stories: A Transgendered Teen Finds Peace

Healing Stories: A Transgendered Teen Finds Peace

Life is hard. Life is challenging for everyone. And to come to the realization that you may not be connected to the gender or sex that you were born into is an incredibly challenging experience for everyone.

Number one best-selling author, Counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has a story to share about one teenager he worked with the could open our eyes to the challenges faced by these individuals.

“She came in looking for help because her mom was tired of her depression. Her dad had continued to look the other way and whenever his wife would say I think our girl is struggling with depression he would just give a very simple answer that all teenagers struggle like our girl struggles.

But this young girl, a senior in high school, felt something was amiss her entire life. She had no interest in wearing dresses. She had no interest in being part of girl talk, or a clique, or a gossip group from elementary school through junior high through high school.

She had always felt different. But she couldn’t explain what the difference was. She was drawn to jeans, sneakers, skateboards, fishing, even blowing up glass bottles with firecrackers. Not the normal type of behavior of a young girl according to society.

At our first session she was very quiet, despondent, sullen. I asked just general questions about depression, anxiety, her friends, or lack of friends, and she started to express towards the end of the session a need to talk about something very important. As our time ran out that day, I told her that I would make more time with her next week if she needed more than an hour in our session. Her eyes lit up! She was so excited to come back the next week and said that she wanted to talk about things that were hard to talk about. I told her I was there for her.

The next week we started talking about her depression again. How she didn’t like school and didn’t really want to go to school. The list went on and on.

And then about halfway through the session she looked at me and said, “Mr. David, I’m not a normal girl. I don’t know how to say this other than I am a boy. I’m trapped in a girls body Mr. David, but I am a boy.”

It all made sense in an instant. I was sitting in front of a young transgendered girl who knew she was a boy. Do you know how difficult that would be? To be born of a certain sex and gender and yet know in your heart and soul that that’s not who you are?

Within the next several weeks her attitude improved dramatically. She was actually fun in our sessions. Her mom and dad had contacted me on the phone and asked me what magic I was pulling with their daughter and that she was a totally different girl at home.

They said that she still had depressive episodes, but that 50% of the time she was lighthearted. Something they hadn’t seen in over 10 years.

After several weeks of working together she told her mom and dad that she would be no longer wearing make up. That her real interest, skateboarding, fishing and more we’re going to become a bigger part of her life.

Her parents were upset at first, and when they came in, I talked to them about the potential reality that their daughter was a transgendered youth. I asked them to do research. I pointed them in directions to organizations where they could learn more about this potential reality with their little girl. It was very, very hard for the parents to understand and the father wanted to shut down constantly.

He was withdrawing from his little girl, we could see it in his eyes, and all I could do is encourage him to be open-minded. His daughter could sense a huge shift in him as well and one day in our session she told me that there was nothing she could do about it. “I am born in a woman’s body but I’m a boy and somehow I hope my mom and dad will come to the realization and accept me for who I really am.”

The last time I saw her the depression has lifted almost 100%. She’d become more confident. More grounded. I have shared with her different organizations to join and more experts and professionals to get in contact with so that she could see that this, her new life, could offer her both extreme challenges and yet at the same time inner peace .

I miss working with her. She, on her way to becoming a he, was brave, real, and one of the most lovable individuals I’ve ever met. I hope the world accepts her as she is starting to accepts herself.”

If there is any situation in life, that you need help with, reach out to David at www.davidessel.com. Today is the best day to do so.

Read more stories like this in David’s number one best-selling book

 

David Essel, finance, financial services, finances, money management, how to manage your money, money advice

Healing Stories: Finances – From Dead Broke to Financially Free.

Why?

Healing Stories: Finances – From Dead Broke to Financially Free.

Carrying financial debt is probably one of the most incredible stressors that we can face on a daily basis. But the truth is we don’t have to live this way if you’re willing to change our approach to income, expenses and debt .

For the last 27 years, counselor, life coach, radio host and number one best-selling author David Essel has helped thousands of people to shatter financial stress in order to lead a healthier and more productive life.

The story below is one of David’s clients who came to him totally stressed about her life in general and at the end of their work together found financial freedom in a most interesting way.

“I’ll never forget the first session with Angela from the west coast of the United States, as she went on sharing with me about how stressful her life was. She wanted me to help her with organization as her house was a mess, relationship in turmoil, even her work… The list went on and on.

Within a few weeks though it was evident that there was one thing in her life that was really causing 90% of her turmoil. It had to do with her income. It was so low that no matter how much she tried to watch her expenses she could never make ends meet.

(Now as a sidenote in teaching my course, Financial Freedom Now, I can tell you that there’s only a small percentage of people who are struggling financially where it’s their lack of income that’s the number one problem. For most people their real struggle is their daily, weekly and monthly expenses that they’re not paying close enough attention to. In other words, they’re buying whatever they want when they want to even if it’s not within their budget.)

Angela’s situation was quite different. She had a high school diploma, was working in a bank, making minimum wage and it wasn’t enough at all for her to even cover her monthly bills.

Now this part is shocking. After our initial few sessions she asked me what would it take in order for her to turn her life around. And I said quite honestly it would take 90 days of working with me five days a week and your financial situation would radically improve!

Now she didn’t know what to do. Her friends and family said do not pay this coach, this financial counselor, any money where you’re going to work with him that much. You don’t have the money. It’s too expensive.  It will never work.

But for some reason Angela believed in what I said. She signed up. We talked five days a week for 90 straight days! She would get up at 4:30 in the morning her time to do our sessions. Then at the end of working nine hour days, she would put two hours every night Monday through Friday into doing the homework I gave her, helping her to search for a new job.

She worked her butt off. She did more in 90 days than most people do in two years when they’re trying to turn their financial situation around. No matter what I asked her, how many people to contact, how many emails to send out, how many job interviews to go on she never said no.

And the end result? In 90 days, she was offered a job at double her income! And a few days later? She got another job even offering her more money!

But, and this is a big but, she did the work, I must repeat this, that most people won’t do. If you’re serious about changing your financial situation follow Angela’s role and do those things that you’d rather not do.

Get outside of your comfort zone.

Hire someone, whether it’s me or someone else, to teach you about budgeting. About decreasing expenses. So many people I’ve worked with have told me that there’s no way they can decrease their expenses but three weeks into the program they look at me shaking their head thinking oh my Lord! I can cut here, and here, and here… And my stress is already reducing.

If you’re tired of worrying about money contact me and we will take you through our Financial Freedom Now course and you will absolutely love it. Information is available, underneath our specialty courses link, at www.davidessel.com

Healing Stories: Persistence – Never give up! It took me 21 years to get this…

Healing Stories: Persistence – Never give up! It took me 21 years to get this…

In our current world instant gratification is everything. It seems that if we don’t get what we want out of love, a weight loss program, a financial goal, within a very short period of time many of us just give up. And it was not always like this. If we look back to even 50 years ago it seemed the people had a hell of a lot more persistence and determination than we do today.

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped thousands of people over the last 27 years understand the power of persistence.

It’s not sexy.  It’s not what many people want to hear. But if we can hold onto the power of discipline, persistence, and dedication so many of our goals are achievable, it just might not be on the timeline we had hoped.

Below is a story that David shares, about one area of his career, that took him 21 years of dedication to accomplish. If you’re willing to fight for your goals you can achieve almost anything.

“As a kid I was a jock. An athlete. All the way through college. I was encouraged along the way to continue to follow the world of athletics, after my playing days were done, by becoming a professional in the world of health and fitness and then working with athletes in the world of mental fitness and sports psychology.

Around 1990 I hit a major block. I went into a deep depression that was partially caused by my addiction to alcohol and drugs.

And even though I was very successful in the world of motivation, health and everything that would be on the opposite side of alcohol and drugs, I had fallen into the trap of using substances to try to deal with the ups and downs in life instead of learning how to deal with the ups and downs of life.

It was during this year that I started to write about emotions. For some reason they came out in poems and other forms of free style writing.

A friend came to visit one day and while I was in the shower she started reading through one of my many folders filled with these writings about loss, addiction, fear, insecurity and more.

When I came out of the shower she was holding this folder and looked up at me with tears in her eyes. “David, this needs to become a book. These are not just your feelings. Everyone could benefit by reading this because we all go through this in various stages of life, the stress, you’re writing about in this book.”

Book? I wasn’t talented enough to write a book were the first thoughts that went through my mind.

But I continued to write. Within another couple of years I had over 300 writings that I minimized down to 150 of my best writings. I decided to find a publisher to see if I could make this a success.

Within a short period of time I found a small publisher in the Northeast that loved the book . They took it on. Just before the book was going to be published they went bankrupt. I got the manuscript back with a note saying sorry we wanted to help you but we just went out of business.

This was my introduction in the world of writing. Oh my Lord, I was devastated. But I persevered and found out about the world of self publishing and in 1996 my first book  “Phoenix Soul: One Man’s Search for Love & Inner Peace” was published.

I thought for sure it was going to be a number one bestseller. And while we did really well with sales we came nowhere near getting any national recognition like that.

We did get some huge endorsements from people like the actress Jenna Elfman, which obviously helped put me on the map as a writer, but it wasn’t what I had intended. I wanted a number one best-selling book.

I continued to write and release more books over the next 21 years. Every book I released, all nine of them, I envisioned to be a number one bestseller. I invested so much time, money and effort to no avail. The books coming out were doing OK with sales but none of them hitting the level I had envisioned 21 years earlier.

And this is the story of discipline, perseverance, persistence. It doesn’t guarantee that you’re going to be super successful but without these three attributes we don’t have a chance to change our lives or the lives of others around us.

And finally, after writing nine books and taking 20 years plus to get the nine books out, we hit a number one bestseller!

That book “Positive Thinking Will Never Change Your Life But This Book Will… The myth of positive thinking, the reality of success” took off and created the end result of all of my hard work, dreaming, discipline, persistence and more.

This is been such a huge lesson for me in life in general. I can be very impatient. How about you? With your weight loss? Money goals? Love goals? It’s so easy to be so damn impatient.

But the whole message of this story is to never give up. You never know when you’re going to run into that perfect individual for you for a long term relationship if that’s what you want. You never know when it comes to losing weight when you’re finally going to reach that space in life where you decide to give it your all. The same with sobriety.

I have found along the way that one of the greatest aids is to make sure you have accountability professionals, coaches, counselors, publicist, personal trainers, financial advisors… The list goes on and on.

Don’t try to achieve huge goals on your own. No one before us has basically done that. Almost everyone I’ve interviewed who has been super successful in life has had accountability partners and more to help them succeed when they feel like giving up. And was it worth it waiting 21 years to get a number one best-selling book? Hell yes! I wouldn’t believe I’d be saying that 21 years ago, but today I can tell you it’s been amazing.

The new people I’ve met, either readers of the book who emailed us, or even people like celebrity Jenny McCarthy. I never would’ve had a chance to meet and be on her show so many times without a number one best-selling book.

I want you to have the same attitude, persistence, perseverance and discipline. You are worth your goals. And if I can help you, email us through our website www.davidessel.com. It’s never too late. Remember that. It’s never too late.”

 

Healing Stories: “My New Business Was Failing…And Then I Did This.”

Healing Stories: “My New Business Was Failing…And Then I Did This.”

Every year in the United States alone millions of people begin to follow the American dream. To own their own business.

For years statistics have told us that it takes anywhere from 3 to 5 years to create a successful business from scratch. But the percentage of businesses that make it big are small compared to the numbers that go under .

For the past 27 years, number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped thousands of people to create successful businesses. He’s helped another thousand or more to resurrect their business when it was on the brink of failure.

The story that follows is one of those individuals David worked with, who had all the intentions in the world of creating a successful business, but was about to close it’s doors after only 30 days of being open.

” I remember the call as if it was yesterday. Someone, who I knew very closely, had opened a business with high expectations but 30 days into the business they were failing. Big time. He shared with me that he might have to close the doors. That he had taken an ad out in the local phone book, this is way before the Internet, and his phone was not ringing at all.

I asked him what other steps he had done regarding that working? Cold calls? Visiting other businesses?

His answer was really typical of a brand new business owner… “I think I told you, I took an ad out in the phonebook and I thought that’s all I would need to do.”

And this is what a lot of business owners, new business owners, do. They believe, only because they haven’t had the experience, that as long as they have ads out somewhere, local paper, nowadays we could say local ads on social media… That the business will just begin to grow.

I understand that mindset because 37 years ago when I opened my first business I had the same belief system. That if you do something good people should just come.

It’s not that easy… As we find out the longer we try to stay in business.

So I asked him if he was willing to work really hard for the next 90 days and that if he did what I recommended I thought he could probably pull his business out of the dumpster and get it heading full steam down hill where he could be successful for a very long period of time. The only catch was, I told him, he would have to do some things that were really uncomfortable.

Many times when people’s backs are against the wall we will eventually, hopefully, do things that we would rather not do on a daily basis to create great success.

He agreed. So I told him I wanted him to map out the various strip malls in his area. He had a brand new fax machine repair business and I wanted him to pull into a strip mall every day and walk into the doors of a minimal of 10 business as a starting point .

You could’ve heard a pin drop after I made that recommendation. LOL. Which is very very normal. Cold calling sucks. It’s hard. Because of the potential rejection, which can go up to 95%, most of us will do anything in the world other than cold call on businesses.

After the silence he said yes he would. And I told him that what I would do is when he got to the strip mall to call me and I would take him through a series of mental exercises to prepare him for what he was about to run into. Whether it was a buzz saw rejection, or someone with a smiling face, he had to have the same demeanor.

The first couple weeks of doing this was absolutely Hell he told me. But after that there was a shift in his perspective. And this is normal of anytime we try to do something new. When we are going to face rejection 95% of the time, who the hell wants to do that?

But he did it anyway. And eventually, after one year in business, he was seeing and reaping the benefits of his hard work.

24 years later, I am proud to say that my brother, Terry Essel, has created an incredibly successful office machine and toner business. He never gave up. He did the uncomfortable. Driving into a new strip mall every day, going to do 10 to 12 businesses every day, was the only way to save his business and he did it.

His business, called www.thetonerkings.com, has saved people up to 60% off of toners for everything from home office equipment to large multi function machines in major corporations for people from all over the world.

His contract with large hospitals and more has allowed him to create the life he’s always wanted to create. He has time to enjoy life while continuing to grow the business.

I am so proud of him because he’s an example of what I’ve been teaching for over 27 years. That if you want great success with your attitude, money, body, recovery, or relationships you’ve got to work your butt off. Positive thinking will never do it alone. He is the perfect example of someone who was willing to dive into the fire, to create a successful business that he’s always wanted.

If I can help you, contact me at www.davidessel.com and we will work together to take your business to the next level.”

Healing Stories: Inspiring – From Scrubbing Toilets to Living in a $2 Million Condominium

Healing Stories: From Scrubbing Toilets to Living in a $2 Million Condominium

Inspiring!

So many people complain that life isn’t fair. That it shouldn’t be this hard. That money should come easier… Or losing weight… Or finding their soulmate.

While other people do what they need to do to create the life they want.

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has had a chance to interview and to meet the most inspiring people from all over the world who have created the absolute dream life they’ve always wanted.

One of those people, who David is going to share today in his story, is an example of perseverance, persistence, attitude and more.

You can do the same. If you’re willing to do the hard work, the work that most of us push aside, in the hopes of a miracle. Winning the lottery. Or having your soulmate come to the front door delivering your pizza. Let’s get real. And learn from David’s experiences with a woman who he will never forget meeting.

” A number of years ago I was blessed to meet a woman who I had no idea had accomplished so much, with such meager beginning’s.

As I walked down the beach we started chatting and the conversation turned in a direction that literally blew my mind.

It started out with small talk. It’s a beautiful day. How long have you lived here. What do you do for a living. Just the normal things that you talk about when you meet a stranger for the first time.

But then, from out of the blue, the conversation turned amazing. I was about to find out that this young woman was raised in eastern Europe with very little money, encouragement, and hopes for a better life.

Her family lived in a one room house. Siblings, mom and dad, and grandma and grandpa altogether. For Christmas the big gift that everyone received was their own individual bar of soap.

Please read the above statement. Think about it. The greatest gift to the world that these people had at that time was to have their own individual bar of soap. Are you still going to complain about your life right now?

As our conversation continued, it got even more intense. Because she was living under such oppression, her and her boyfriend decided to pay a smuggler to get them out of their country to one where there was more opportunity.

Unfortunately, this smuggler took their money, brought them halfway and then disappeared. They were on their own.

The next thing they knew, when they finally did reach the initial destination, is that there were no more jobs there than the country they left. They were screwed.

Through the grace of God, or maybe a miracle, they ended up meeting people that said they could actually get them to the United States. But once they got there, and this is legally, they would have to work menial jobs regardless of the fact that they were skilled craftsmen or teachers.

Upon arriving here her first job was scrubbing toilets at a low end motel. She knew there was more to life but there was no one that would hire her because she did not even know English.

She started to learn English and learned enough of it that she got a waitress job at a diner which was a huge jump up the career ladder.

One day in the newspaper she saw a big ad that said “Live the American dream. Become a real estate agent.”

She saved, and saved, and saved all of her tips from the restaurant, and went to the first class to become a real estate agent and live the American dream. She walked up to the instructor and put an envelope filled with $291 bills. Her entire life savings, and in broken English told him that she wanted to become a real estate agent.

He said that he was sorry but because she barely spoke English and could not write anything in English that she would never be able to pass the test.

She begged, and begged, and begged some more until the instructor finally said OK I will stay after every class and help you learn English, but I still don’t think you have a chance in hell of passing this test.

She woke up every morning at 3 o’clock, took the bus to be at the small diner that she worked at by 4 AM, and then went to the class from six until 10 PM every night. The next day? The same routine. She was determined.

She studied. She practiced her English. She practiced reading. She was the hardest working student this guy had ever seen. And when she took the real estate exam, she passed with flying colors on the very first attempt!

From there she continued to save money. She found a mentor, an older real estate agent that was about to retire, and did everything this woman said. In the beginning she was simply a runner. She would run to peoples homes with contracts to sign. She would run to houses to drop off an extra set of keys. And eventually the woman trusted her enough to give her more responsibility in learning how to list and sell homes.

Here I am, walking down the beach, talking to this amazing success story and having no idea what she went through to get to the place that she was. As we passed her condo, she pointed up to the floor that she was directly beachfront, and I knew right then and there it was at least a $2 million condominium.

Her attitude was amazing. Her faith was incredible. Even though she had gone through many many struggles after becoming a real estate agent not one day went by that she wasn’t learning more about the world of motivation, inspiration, and the power of filling her brain with positive thoughts, and that, combined with her incredible work ethic, brought her the American dream.

Read the above story many times. Don’t leave anything out. Then look in the mirror. If you say you want a great body, more money, a better relationship. Are you willing to get off your butt and work as hard as this young lady did with all of the odds in the world stack against her?

Unfortunately, so many Americans are lazy as hell. We want it all but we don’t want to do the work.

If you need help, with determination, passion, drive, contact me. For 37 years I have help millions of people to create the life of their dreams. By sharing stories like the one above. Now it’s your turn, to do what you’d rather not do to create the life you’ve always wanted.”

Healing Stories: Codependency – “My Mom Ruins My Life…Every Day”

Healing Stories: Codependency – “My Mom Ruins My Life…Every Day”

Millions of people around the world had crappy childhoods. Parents that are ignorant. Addicted. Self-centered. That have no ability to teach love, respect, honesty or integrity.

And millions of individuals choose to rise above their experiences, by doing really intense deep work with a counselor, minister, life coach and more.

And on the other hand, unfortunately, millions upon millions more decide to stay stuck in victimhood. They continue to blame their parents for the crappy life they live as adults.

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped millions of people over the past 37 years to overcome terrible childhood’s. But unfortunately, he’s also lost the battle with thousands more, who choose to stay victims in life.

The story below, from David’s number one best-selling book on positive thinking, illustrates the challenge of overcoming victimhood, as adults trying to live happily in the world today.

” I had received a phone call from a potential client that wanted to work on her relationships with men. She had been married multiple times, all of them ending in divorce, multiple children from multiple different fathers… And her life is spinning out of control.

But I had no idea when she came in for our first session, that the real issue she had went back to childhood. And that her drama and chaos continued today, because of her inability to let go of the past, as well as to let go of her current relationship with her mom which had spiraled for 30 years totally out of control.

As 0ur work continued, I was getting the full story. As a little girl, her mom chastised her, made fun of her for not being able to comprehend math. As the years went by, the chastising increased until when this girl was in high school, she dropped out. She couldn’t handle the constant criticism when her mom would tell her that she was dumb, stupid, and couldn’t figure out the simplest of math equations.

Now in my clients defense, this is a terrible, obviously an extremely emotionally abusive childhood to have for anyone. When you have your parent, or parents, criticizing you for being stupid, or lazy, or ignorant or whatever it might be , imprints within the subconscious mind, that we are worthless.

And so this young girl acted out her mom’s statements. By dropping out of high school, she proved her mom was right. That she wasn’t smart at all.

After a few years however something magical happened. She found a profession that she loved, A trade school gave her the foundation to be able to become her own boss.

By the age of 21, with no high school education and no GED, she opened her first business and earned $150,000 that year!

Now this sounds like a fairytale ending doesn’t it? The only problem is, is that this young girl had an extremely disturbingly codependent relationship with her mom. Her mom continued to tell her that while she was making this money that she was going to blow it… She didn’t know how to handle her money… Or her taxes… Or her bills… Or anything. And the young girl proved her mom right.

No matter how much money she made, she was constantly broke. And mom was right there the whole time telling her how ignorant she was with money, further putting into her subconscious mind that she was a worthless businesswoman.

And because of the statements from her mom, this young girl invited her mom into her business to do her books. And then her taxes. She believed her mom was right that she was ignorant around money, math and more and she couldn’t do this on her own… But that her mom who was brilliant with money supposedly, would come and rescue her.

Fast forward to the first two weeks I worked with this young woman, she was now in her early 40s. And guess what? Mom was still tagging along. Every week reminding her how stupid she was with money, and thank God her mom was with her in order to pay her bills, do her taxes, and generally harass the hell out of her about her ignorance.

Since this young woman was still trapped in this relationship with her mom, and told on a weekly and monthly basis how stupid she was, she could never grow past her mom’s comments.

Within a few weeks I was offering her the options of slowly removing her mom from her life. It was really the only way to go. She didn’t have the strength to stand up to her mom for more than a couple weeks, and so the best option for her would’ve been to eliminate mom from her life for a short period of time, maybe only 90 days, so she could start to regain some self-esteem, confidence and learn that there are many other accountants out there who could help her with her business and her taxes.

But this is where the power of codependency comes into play. In 2002, I said that “codependency is the largest addiction in the world today.”

And it is. This young woman was so codependent with her mom, that even though her mom was raging at her on a regular basis about how stupid she was… This young woman could not break those chains. That, is codependency at its worst.

It was shortly after my client and I had talked about an escape plan with her mom, that she stopped coming in for her work. And I told her it might happen. I told her that if her codependency was as deep as I thought, the solution would scare the hell out of her. Even though her mom was a horrendous person in her life, she could not pull herself away from this relationship… Mom had gotten her tentacles into this young girls brain and even in her 40s, she continued to believe her mom’s Words.

You are stupid. You are ignorant with math. You’re ignorant with money. Without me your life would absolutely suck.

Even though the statements weren’t true… The codependent takes them as fact.

Unfortunately, this story does not have a happy ending. But it does offer a great warning sign for everyone else in the world.

If you are in any type of a relationship with a mother, father, partner, friend, coworker, boss… And you are an adult… And you’re allowing them to demean you, to put you down, it is your responsibility and yours alone to shatter this terrible addiction of codependency.

No one deserves this. But like all addictions, they are hard as hell to break. And almost impossible to break on your own.

From her 20s to her 40s, unfortunately, this young woman is constantly in financial stress. She’s constantly owing people thousands upon thousands of dollars. She has zero self-esteem. Zero self-confidence. And in my humble opinion, until we totally break away from these type of people… We will never reach inner peace, or our full potential.

It’s up to you. I do not agree with the philosophy that “well they’re my family, you can’t abandon a family member.” That statement is absolutely ridiculous! If you use that to justify staying with a family member who emotionally puts you down or abuses you… That is insanity.

On the other side, we have helped thousands of people in similar circumstances to the client I’ve written about above, to break free, to create their own life, their own independence… And find inner peace and contentment sometimes without any contact with a family member for the rest of your life.

Now I don’t think everyone has to completely eliminate a person who is unkind, condescending or emotionally abusive… But I do believe that we need to learn to set serious boundaries with consequences, in order to regain our own sense of self, self-confidence and self-esteem.

You can do this. We will never do it on our own. We will need help from a counselor, coach, therapist, minister or more in order to shatter the tentacles of codependency. Make sure you’re doing this today.”

If you need help with this type of the situation, visit David’s website and look under the specialty courses for his number one best-selling course on codependency, at http://davidessel.com/co-dependency-kills/

 

Healing Stories: Struggling “I was so lost…”

Why?Healing stories, “I was so lost…”

 

Millions of Americans wake up every day lost in life. Maybe they’re struggling with money. They’re in a relationship they can’t fix. They’re overweight, struggling with not only health issues but with self-esteem. Or maybe they’re struggling with addiction.

The bottom line is… Millions of Americans are lost in life right now.

For the past 37 years, counselor, life coach, number one best-selling author and radio host David Essel has had one mission only… “To help lift the spirits of 1 million people or more every day.”

The story David is going to share with us today, comes from one of his clients who was absolutely lost in life… And what he did to totally turn it around.

” My work over the past 37 years has been to help people find direction in life. People who are lost, confused, frustrated, addicted and more.

A while ago I received a call from a man who said that he needed help in every area of life. He had struggled deeply with an addiction to opiates, alcohol, nicotine, weight and so much more.

He said he was motivated. He was ready. Of course everyone says that, but there are a few people who are truly ready to do everything that they possibly can to change their lives.

He was one of them. Totally lost, and about to find himself for possibly the first time in his existence. He was raised in an addicted household.

Alcohol and drugs were part of the every day existence of many members of his family. So he became the environment that he lived in.

His latest struggle was an all out battle with opiate addiction, combined with alcohol, nicotine and his low self-esteem had allowed him to gain 80 pounds. More than he had ever weighed in his life.

In his first session we went into a discussion about the power of the conscious mind versus the subconscious mind. He was eating it up like a sponge drinks water. He was asking questions. He was taking notes. He was talking about action steps that he wanted me to help him create, so within the next seven days he was on the path to freedom. He wanted to find himself now.

Over the course of several months he got to see how his environment as a young child had molded him into the addict he was today.

Whenever you’re in an environment where adults use alcohol on a regular basis, or prescription drugs, or siblings who may be experimenting with drugs and alcohol and encourage you to be part of their world… The odds of moving through that type of childhood into adulthood free of addiction are incredibly tiny.

When we did an exercise looking at all the emotions he was running from, through the use of alcohol, drugs and nicotine, as well as food, and he was blown away. His subconscious mind had accepted a pattern that this was normal. Absolutely normal. But of course this and result of his life has been nothing but abnormal.

He looked back and thought that by now in his life he should be a millionaire. He looked at his relationship with his wife and thought it is nowhere near where it needs to be. He came in about the second month more fired up than I’d ever seen him.

He was taking the brain chemistry supplements I recommended and was feeling incredible. He had cut down is nicotine from 20 pieces of nicotine gum a day to five and soon that would go to one.

When I describe the importance of exercise, as a way to release endorphins in the brain to help lift his spirits and give him energy, he knew it was true but couldn’t figure out how to fit it into his schedule with his long workdays. But he was about to change everything. When he came in the next week with his new schedule of eating every four hours, which he had never done before, exercising at 4:30 in the morning, even I was blown away!

I kept saying to myself… Here was a guy that just a month ago who was totally lost… Who is really finding himself now.

His new schedule was impressive. Up at 3:45 in the morning. Meditation. Affirmations. Journaling. In the gym at 5 o’clock in the morning. Out of the gym at 7:30 in the morning. Into work by 8 o’clock, and back home by 6 o’clock. What a day!

And then came the rebuilding of his marriage. He started leaving notes for his wife every morning as he left early for the gym. Short little notes. “I love you. I will miss you today. I can’t wait to see you tonight. ”

He was lost… And now once again he was finding himself in a marriage he had always wanted to be this special, loving, kind.

We got into the discussion of the power of thought and he quickly picked up that our thoughts would only account for 20% of our success… The other 80%? Action into the uncomfortable. But he also saw that once he started to do the action steps into the uncomfortable… They just became a part of his life.

He was lost… Now he had found himself. His life. His marriage. Even his work picked up dramatically as he started to see the difference that he was making in the lives of others, and how work continued to pour in almost faster than he could handle it.

The icing on the cake for me actually came as a surprise phone call from his wife one day after we had ended working together for over a month. As she started talking of course my concern was hoping that he had not gone back to his old ways but the opposite was true.

She was filled with joy. She commented about the notes that he left every morning, and how they had made a complete difference in their marriage… Yes little notes in the morning had made a complete difference in their marriage.

Now, comes the best part. Not only is he changing his life by eating 4-5 times times a day, and going to the gym every day, but she has started to join him multiple days a week at the gym. Their marriage is solid.

Are you lost? Do you struggle with weight? Addiction? Emotional spending? Low self-esteem? Low self-confidence?

I can tell you firsthand after being in this industry for 37 years, that this type of turn around in someone’s life demands incredible effort, and it is worth every ounce of effort that you will give it.

I am so proud of this former client. You can do the same thing. Are you ready? Contact us at www.davidessel.com and we will help you achieve the life you’ve always wanted.”

Healing Stories: Relationships – My Husband Was Not The Man I Was Looking For

Healing Stories: Relationships – My Husband Was Not The Man I Was Looking For.

Relationships…Imagine this. You’re on the search for the man of your dreams. People have convinced you that you must find your soulmate in life in order to feel complete, whole and happy. And you buy into that story. Your life is not complete without the super special hero that you’ve been looking for for two years .

Over the past 27 years, number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped hundreds of women in the same predicament. They feel less than, as they watch their girlfriends get married, have babies, and create the dreams of their lives. Or so they think.

And in their work with David, many of them find something magical that has nothing to do with the soulmate myth. Let’s have David talk about one special woman that he worked with, and how the man of her dreams, was never the husband she was actually looking for.

“A number of years ago I g0t an email from a woman who would listen to my radio show. In the email it was quite clear that she was looking for her soulmate. She felt that she was incomplete. She was not a whole. But she told me in the email that if I could help her find the man of her dreams, her life would finally be worth living. And she even sent me a description of what this man would look like.

She said that he would be 6 feet tall or taller, blonde hair, blue eyes and he would be earning a salary of $150,000 or more every year. Would I be willing to help her find this special superman of a husband?

As I read the email I thought oh my gosh this girls been reading too many books on soulmates. And sure enough, when she walked into my office that proved to be true. She had attended so many soulmate workshops, had read all the number one best-selling books on how to find your soulmate… that she was convinced he was out there, but obviously she just needed my help for a few weeks in order to push her in the direction where she could locate him and ride off into the sunset on his huge white steed.

But surprises were in store for her. During our first couple sessions I said that it was interesting that she had all these preconceived notion’s of his height, haircolor and income… and of course she even had a vision board with pictures of men that look something like this hero she was looking for.

All over the vision board were quotations about income, quotations about the perfect soulmate husband… And I asked her would she be interested in following a slightly different path to find a really great husband?

She asked me to explain. So I said I want you to create a list of the personality characteristics that you’re looking for. Such as is he a good communicator? Is he funny? Is he trustworthy? And I asked her to go home and create a list of all of these attributes that could be the starting point to look for in a great man who could be husband material.

She came into the session, threw her notes down, and said David that exercise was boring as hell. I hope I’m not going to have to stay on this path because I’ve got all these vision boards made and I want to find that man that I’m looking for.

I smiled, shook my head and said we are in for a great ride. If you follow through with what I say I promise you you’ll find a great guy to potentially become a husband.

After a few weeks in following my system she said she had had enough. That she want to go back to all the famous books and authors that focused on pictures on a vision board, not the silly characteristics I was asking her to write about.

Fast forward a number of years. I’m at a large convention speaking on stage, I get off the stage and there’s a line of people that I go through each and everyone of them answering questions. At the very end of the line was a woman waiting patiently. When I came up to her she asks if I remembered her ?

I barely could but I couldn’t figure out from where. And then she said I’m your soulmate woman. With that statement we both started laughing so hard. She said I have to ask you if you have a half an hour for coffee, and tell you a story you’re going to love to hear.

As she started sharing the story I knew the direction she was going in. She told me when she left the office and she was not impressed with my work at all. No surprises there! But after a couple more months of chasing this perfect hunk of a man on her vision boards she pulled out the list of characteristics I had asked her to focus on.

And at that time, as she was looking at these characteristics, of a man who is trustworthy, funny, open with his emotions, determined to be successful in business and relationships, she decided to put her vision boards away and to start focusing on these attributes.

It was at the same time that she got a call from a former business partner, who also opened his own business just like she did, and he asked her to meet once a week for lunch to go over how they could become accountability partners for each other… So they could each grow their business at a faster rate.

She had so much fun with the lunches the times flew by. One day when he got up to go to the bathroom, a girlfriend she hadn’t seen in a while came over and started to remark to her about all the sparks flying between her and this new boyfriend. She immediately refused to accept that title that this guy was her new boyfriend. She thanked her friend, and said that’s no kind of a boyfriend I want, he’s just a good friend of mine and we’re doing business deals together.

Her friend, wouldn’t buy it and told her that the energy was electric between her and this man from across the room. And she should think about that whole thing of soulmates and maybe give this guy a chance to be in a relationship with her.

As her friend left the table all she could do was shake her head and say that is a silly idea. There’s no way this guy is what I want. He short, bald, a little overweight, nothing like my soulmate pictures.

But when she went home and started to revisit all the personality characteristics that her and I had come up with… She was sitting in shock. He was hilarious. He was a great listener. He was interested in her day. He was interested in her life. He was interested in her opinions about business. He was always on time. Respectful. Could this be a guy that I would even want to date? The thought continued to haunt her.

She knew he didn’t make $150,000 year. He sure as hell wasn’t 6 foot tall, he had no hair, his eyes were not blue… But then she slowed down. And said just maybe.

As the weeks went by she started to feel more drawn to him. Every time he laughed hysterically at their lunch meetings together, she couldn’t stop yourself from laughing. Every once in a while he would send her a sweet text, nothing mushy, but it always tied into something she had specifically said at their meetings. He actually paid attention to her mind as well as her smile!

Then my former client looks at me… And before she starts talking, there’s tears falling down my cheeks. She smiled and said, thank you so much David, you were right. He overwhelmed me with love, and we’ve been married for a number of years. I never would’ve seen the beauty in this man if you hadn’t guided me with so much wisdom in the art of this relationship.

We hugged and walked away. It made me reflect upon the beauty of her open mindedness. About her willingness to move away from the “mass consciousness nonsense of the perfect soulmate on a vision board “concept.

And I’m not saying that vision boards are stupid, or soulmate ideas are ridiculous but I just know the reality of relationships after being in this business for 37 years, is that sometimes, not all the times, but sometimes people get so focused on what the gurus are teaching us that we start believing in their words versus following our heart.

If you truly want deep love, a beautiful relationship, email me at the website www.davidessel.com and let’s look at what some of your beliefs are that may be unhealthy regarding love and relationships, and find a way to turn them around so you can you create and experience the type of love you desire.”

Healing Stories: “How Do We Change The Way We Think?” An Interview With David Essel

OUR THOUGHTS ARE POWERFUL, AND IN THIS INTERVIEW , DAVID ESSEL SHARES POWERFUL INFORMATION ON HOW TO LIVE A SUPER SUCCESSFUL.

TRANSCRIPTION: CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK – DAVID ESSEL


Kamala Chambers: On this episode, we’re going to be talking about what’s missing from the power of positive thinking and achieving success when you change the way you think.

Today, we are here with the man whom Jenny McCarthy calls the new leader of the positive thinking movement, David Essel.
He is a best-selling author, a radio host, a master coach, and an inspirational speaker, and we’re thrilled to have him here.

Luis Congdon: All right, Thriving launchers, we’re here with David Essel. We’re excited to have you here on the show.
David, are you ready to launch?

David Essel: Luis, Kamala, I am more than ready! I’ve been waiting for you guys! I’ve been waiting ever since this was appointed, and we’re going to kick butt today.

Luis Congdon: One of the things I love about your work is it synchronizes with something I’m working on currently with one of my coaches which are about how to change the way you think, and I love it.

It’s funny because for some reason I looked up here, which typically, I stare right at my microphone. I looked up, and I saw this book, The Magic of Thinking Big. That’s a very well-known book.

You have a book that came out not that long ago talking about the myth of positive thinking and how important it is to change the way you think.

I’m curious. Your previous work was all about positive thinking and the secret comes out. You’ve got people like Shakti Gawain, who’s been out for a long time, and they’re all about visualization, and “think your way positive into things,” and you’re saying, “Hey, wait. That’s not the whole formula.”

What is the missing piece then? If positive thinking is only a piece of it, what’s missing?

To Have Success, Change The Way You Think

David Essel: Luis, Kamala, the reality of success, if it was simple that we could visualize the Mazzaroth if we could visualize the million dollar home, and put it in a box, and put it in storage, and five years later, somehow magically turned into that house. We would all be different right now. You guys wouldn’t have a podcast. I wouldn’t be a counselor and a coach.

Kamala Chambers: It’s true.

David Essel: There would be not one darn thing needed in this world if that stuff works.

I’m going to make a reference to Gandhi. I love his life story, and a lot of people don’t know his story. Just like a lot of people have never read enough about Nelson Mandela to know his background. He was a terrorist for God sake. He was a peace abiding attorney turned terrorist. He didn’t go to prison because he was a choir boy for 27 years, and Gandhi has a similar background.

Change The Way You Think About Some Beliefs

David Essel: I’m going to make an analogy to my beliefs system changing regarding positive thinking and being able to change the way you think with Gandhi.

When Gandhi came back to India to revolutionize the country hopefully, and to try to find a peaceful separation from British rule, there was a period where he was encouraging Indians to pick up rifles to stand next to their British counterparts as a team and union, and any dissenters to fire when needed. That’s a pretty radical different Gandhi that a lot of people think of Gandhi.

After Gandhi was on this mantra of “Take up your arms and be with our brother British citizens,” He found one day that he was wrong. Just like Nelson Mandela in prison realized he was wrong.

David Essel realized he was wrong after 16 years of preaching the insanity that’s out there still today, which whatever you believe you can achieve, and thoughts become things, and the universe is conspiring to meet your needs. And guys, it’s all a bunch of crap.

You Are Welcome To Change The Way You Think

Luis Congdon: And David, I know you’re about to say something powerful, but Thriving Launchers, I just want to affirm something I’m already getting out of this, and I think is powerful. It is you’re welcome to change the way you think. You’re welcome to have breakthroughs.

You don’t have to stick with something and think it’s the Holy Grail and become brittle with that mindset. David has changed. Gandhi changed. Malcolm X is another great example of somebody that changed. Freud also had a huge revelation about being able to change the way you think.

Thriving Launchers, just let this be one of the first lessons that we take away from today’s show. It is that you can change an. You can change the way you think. You can have a transformation, and what was your bible can change and become something new.
Go ahead and continue there.

Entrepreneurs, You Should Change The Way You Think, Drop Your Old Beliefs And Pick New Ones

David Essel: If you’re an entrepreneur, you should regularly be changing. You should be dropping your old beliefs and picking up new ones.

There’s nothing in this world that isn’t ever changing, and if you’re not changing as an entrepreneur on a regular basis, you’re behind the eight-ball.

Change The Way You Think To Be A Leader

David Essel: You become a parrot. You become a follower. You might think that you’re a leader, but if you’re not changing your beliefs, and challenging yourself to do things bigger, better, stronger, faster, then you’re behind the eight ball, and I was behind the eight ball.

My early mentors who I love to death and still praise to this day, the late Wayne Dyer, who I dedicated our new book on The Myth Of Positive Thinking too, believe it or not.

David Essel Change The Way You Think Thriving Launch Podcast

Kamala Chambers: Oh, wow!

David Essel: Also, Ram Dass, one of my earliest teachers in the 80’s. These people, I was parroting them, guys. I was doing my very  best, but I was parroting, and that’s what most of us do.

Change The Way You Think About Entrepreneurs Who Makes Radical Mistakes

David Essel: Richard Branson is not a parrot. We need to look at some of these persons who are real entrepreneurs and realized that they make radical mistakes.

If I go back to my story, Richard Branson, when they came out with Virgin Cola, Oh my God, did they get tanked. Pepsi and Coca-Cola, when they found out he was trying to do this, they came and shot him down.

What he did was he raised his hand and said, “Wow. I was wrong,” like “That’s not where we should have gone,” but he tried.

Change The Way You Think To Realize Your Mistakes

David Essel: They tried Virgin condoms. I don’t know guys if you ever heard about that but talk about an oxymoron. Then, he found out that was a mistake, and he said, “Oh my God. I’m sorry.”

David Essel on the show is saying “I was wrong,” From 1980 to 1996. I’d travel the world speaking in front of 5,000 people, saying “Whatever you believe you can achieve, and your thoughts become things,” and all this kind of stuff.

At 1996, I had this biggest smack in the bite. A guy who was one of the most brilliant guru teachers the ever walk the face of this earth, he’s no longer with us. He’s the founder of transcendental meditation, and his name is Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
Maharishi chose a radio as the only United States out lid in 1996 to celebrate the 40th anniversary of TM or Transcendental Meditation. Through a story that we tell and detail in my book, I’ll just share the snippet of it right here, he woke me up and showed me.

Change The Way You Think And Believe In The Power Of The Mind

David Essel: Now, here is a guy that believes in the power of the mind, and believes apparently in the power of meditation, prayer, and everything else. He snapped me into the reality of how important it is to change the way you think.

This is how it happened.

For 25 years, I was using this affirmation every morning, and I said it with power and energy, I was trained by the guru of all gurus in meditation, and in affirmations. It went like this, “I am a child of God happy, healthy, and sober today.” And I would clap my hands, get out of bed, and go put in another 12 hours, and at eight o’clock every night for more than 25 years, I drank myself to sleep.

Look At What You Do And See If It Has Changed The Way You Think

David Essel: I was a motivational speaker, counselor, coach, and author back then in these days. I was doing everything I’m doing now, and Maharishi woke me up to this reality.

If an affirmation like that was going to work, I think 25 years was enough experience to see if it would work or not. It didn’t work. What worked was me looking in the mirror.

In 1996, Tuesday afternoon at 2:30, coming out of another bench, looking in the mirror and saying, “David Essel, you have no joy.” That was a major wake-up call. That was the first realization that the power of the mind and being able to change the way think is powerful.

The Power Of Visualization To Change The Way You Think

David Essel: Denis Waitley, I’ve been on stage with him. He taught me the power of visualization back in the 80’s. He’s the guy that taught the Olympic athletes, and the astronaut’s visualization.

But here’s the thing. We take snippets of society as reality without the truth behind them.

Jim Carrey has come out recently and said, “Hold on guys. You’re taking my story about the 10 million dollar check that I put in my wallet when I was broke as if that’s what created the 10 million dollar check.” He said, “How ridiculous!” This was on social media the other day.

Change The Way You Think And Work Your Butt Off To Achieve What You Want

David Essel:Jim said, “How ridiculous is that for people to think that you can write a check for a significant amount of money, kick back, and have it come to you.” He said, “I worked my butt off to earn those 10 million dollars,” and he’s trying to set the record straight.

With our new book guys, what we’ve done is we’ve come full circle and said, “You know what? I was wrong. I am sorry. I was parroting. I was doing everything that I’m encouraging entrepreneurs not to do anymore.”

Change The Way You Think And Your Stands To Help Others

David Essel: But then, I didn’t just say I was wrong. I went out and got six New York Times best-selling authors that I’m friends with, and I’ve interviewed numerous times. I got another six people that have come from places like homelessness to become a multi trillionaire, and a woman whose six-year-old son was murdered and she forgave the killer.

I brought these people into the book, and I have them share their stories about how at one time, they also used to preach “You can believe and achieve what you think.” And now, they’ve changed their stands, and now we’re all speaking the same tune which is about to change the way you think constantly.

Create A Powerful Life When You Change The Way You Think

Kamala Chambers: What I appreciate is you shared that pivotal moment where you said to yourself you have no joy.
There’s something so powerful about being willing to embrace our darkness and shadow. Only if we can accept and embrace those parts of ourselves, then we stop maybe “spiritually bypassing.” It’s a word that some people use for that, and just “I’m just going to think myself into where I want.”

Positivity And Action To Change The Way You Think

Kamala Chambers: You’re talking about such important things. You’re talking about positivity but not only that, but also action, and emerging that together.

Just as a side note, I love that it was a transcendental meditator that led you there. That’s kind of how I got my name is. It’s because my parents are transcendental meditators. I love that part of your story. I’m a white girl, and I have a Sanskrit name.

David Essel: Kamala that is beautiful. I love it.

If in the years 27 years of being on the radio, when I look back at every person I’ve interviewed, the late Wayne Dyer, Deepak, Suze Orman, Marianne Williamson, Don Miguel Ruiz, the list goes on and on. Keith Mitchell, a former NFL all-pro linebacker who’s paralyzed, and now, is one of the leading Yoga gurus in the world today.

Change The Way You Think And Work Hard To Sell Books

David Essel: When I interviewed all these people, even though they may speak the words “instant manifestations” and all that nonsense, the reality is, not one of them guys, over the years ever said to me that they created their million selling books by visualizing them or affirming them. Or they saved their marriage after an affair through visualization or energy work.

I’m not saying that affirmations, energy work, visualization aren’t good. Of course, they’re all tools but every one of them if put on the stand today would say they worked their butts off.

The missing ingredient in the world of positive thinking is this very thing.

Change The Way You Think About The Law Of Attraction And The Secret

David Essel: In our book, we even explain psychologically why the secret, the law of attraction, infomercials, and lottery tickets are all the same gig?

Everything I just mentioned, the secret, lottery tickets, infomercials, and the law of attraction say you can achieve great things with minimal effort. That’s how The Secret sold, and I’m bringing The Secret up because it’s well known. 20% of it is excellent. That 20% that’s awesome is the stories that are fun.

Dr. Joe Vitale, who was one of the stars of The Secret, when I had him on my radio show, I said, “Joe, I want just to ask you this quick question. In the book, it tells me you went from homeless to a millionaire, imagining checks coming in the mail and some other propaganda visualization stuff. If that’s all you did, please, tell me that affirmation. Please tell me that visualization.” And he was laughing on the air.

Change The Way You Think About How People Go From Homeless To Millionaire

David Essel: He said, “David, they left out the meat of the work.” and for Joe to go from homeless to a millionaire, he shared with us on the show that he works seven days a week, 12 hour days for years to become a millionaire before The Secret mentioned him.

What they did in the book was they took the real fascinating. They took the Jim Carrey and Joe Vitale and made it into a soundbite, but they left out how hard he worked to make it happen.

In my book, we described this as something that weak, and I thank Maharishi for enlightening and awakening me at that moment because right after then in 1996, we created Life Coach Universe, which is our training organization to train people who want to become life coaches.

Change The Way You Think About How You Can Get The Most Out Of Life

David Essel: One of the things we teach them is something called “human nature.” The definition we created of human nature back in 1996 is this, “It is our desire to get the most out of life with minimal effort.” That is running the show.

Most of us, if we’re given an option of buying a pill for 19.95/month, that we could have anybody we want, we’d probably buy the pill. If we were given an opportunity purchase a pill to become millionaires, we probably would all pay for the pill.

The desire to get the most out of life with minimal effort is what creates huge success for infomercials.

They give the Suzanne Somers, ThighMaster. They showed Susan’s and the models’ incredible body and they go, “God! Just watch TV. Put this thing between your legs.” 19.95 for a month or a year of whatever it is. That’s not real, but it sells.

That’s that happen with the secret and law of attraction. They proposed to us this is how you get the most out of life with minimal effort. Who doesn’t want that?

Change The Way You Think And Go Back To Reality

David Essel: Our book came out and said 20% of what those guys say is 100% accurate. 80% is not so let’s come back to reality.

Kamala Chambers: Let’s talk about that reality a little bit because there are a lot of pieces I’ve found success with. It’s embracing the darkness as we talked about. It’s taking action and also knowing what you want.

Change The Way You Think About Passion

Kamala Chambers: For me, a big part of it is having the passion behind it because if I don’t have the passion, then I don’t have the motivation to make it happen.

We’ve had guests on, and they say “It’s not about passion. It’s a big motivator for me.” But I would love to hear what your success principles that you’re bringing forward that are radically different are.

David Essel: Luis and Kamala, number one is if you haven’t achieved what you want with your body, your money, your love life, your career, your business, your spiritual path, by now on your own, you never will.

Change The Way You Think And Have An Accountability Partner

David Essel: We believe that we just need the next great course or the next great book. What we need is the next great accountability partner that’s going to kick our butt, Kamala. That’s what we need.

We need someone that’s going to hold our feet to the fire that’s going to set us up for success and isn’t going to let us get away with justification, rationalization and denial of why this program won’t work for me because I’m a Virgo, I’m a millennial, or whatever.
We need to someone who’s going to be serious with us. That’s number one.

David Essel Change The Way You Think Thriving Launch Podcast

David Essel: I’ve got a great story. I’m going to tell you about Harv Eker in a second.

That’s number one. You have to invest time, money, and effort into you.

Yes, you may have to scrounge if you don’t have a lot of money. Yes, you may have to do 15-minute coaching sessions or 30-minute counseling sessions or 30-minute business consultations, whatever you can afford. But if it is a big goal, don’t rely on you. If you could have done it, you would have done it already.

Change The Way You Think And Set Up An Action Plan On A Daily Basis

David Essel: Number two is you’ve got to set up an action plan on a regular basis, a minimum of five days a week to accomplish a big goal. You have to prioritize your tasks by doing those things first thing in the morning that you would rather not do.

When I look at the secret sauce of success, it’s an accountability coach, counselor, personal trainer, whatever the gig is, you need to someone beside you. That’s number one.

Change The Way You Think And Do Things You Can’t Stand First

David Essel: Number two is you’ve got to get into the habit of delaying instant gratification and doing the stuff you can’t stand first.

In 1996, my mentor, Joe Cirulli, who went from homeless to a multi trillionaire, we met at a conference, and we became friends, and I asked him to be my mentor. He said yes, and I showed him my action plan, and he goes, “You’ve got it all wrong, David.”

It’s because I had 25 things on my action list, 20 of them exed-out and the five carryovers. I had postponed for a couple of weeks.

He’s looking at this going “These same things are being carried over. Why?” I said, “Honestly, I hate that kind of work.”

Whether it’s social media or networking you don’t want to do, or you’re not good at asking for the sale, or you’re not good at promotions, you got to do that first thing in the morning.

Whatever you’re not good at, you got to do that first thing in the morning.

Be A Different Person When You Change The Way You Think

David Essel: If I just stop right here and we just ended with those tips and this audience, if they follow this advice, will rock their world and be a different person 365 days from now.

Luis Congdon: I think that’s amazing and I’m looking forward to hearing the story about T Harv Eker who was also a guest on our show.

David Essel: Oh god! I love it when I get humbled on these shows with you guys.

Change The Way You Think With The Secrets Of The Millionaire Mind

David Essel:  I’m trying to think when the Secrets of the Millionaire Mind came out. It was probably seven or eight years ago. At that time and it still could be, it was the fastest personal growth book ever to hit New York Times best-seller, and I think it did it in 24 hours or 36 hours. Harv had it set up. He knew what he was doing marketing wise.

The minute the book came out, we had them on the show. During the show, I kept saying to him “Harv, I love the book. I want to hire you as my business coach.” He was laughing and just said “David, we’ll talk about it later.” So I’d ask him another question. I go “Hey, Harv. How about you become my coach?”

After I asked him about four times, finally on the air, he goes “Oh my god, do I have to say Yes?” I go “Yup!” He goes, “Okay. I’ll be your coach. We’ll talk about it afterward.”

The Wake Up Call To Change The Way You Think

David Essel:  We get off the air, and I said, “Hey, I’m serious.” We set up a time. I gave him a call, and he said: “What’s your goal?” I said, “To double my income in 12 months.” He asked me what my income was and he goes “In 12 months, you want to double that?” I go “Yeah.” He goes “That’s a huge goal.” I said “Yeah. That’s what I’m all about.” He goes, “When did you set that purpose originally?” I said, “Two years ago.” He said, “Have you done everything possible in the last two years to make that happen?” I said “Absolutely.”

He goes, “Okay. Here’s my first tip to you. You’re in denial.” I said, “What are you talking about?” He said, “David, if you have that goal for two years, and you haven’t achieved it, you haven’t done everything possible. Yes, it’s a big goal, but you should have reached it by now.”

That was the first wake up call. He said I was in denial.

Change The Way You Think To Interrupt The Pattern

David Essel: Do you guys see a pattern here?

Kamala Chambers: Oh, yeah.

David Essel: I love it.

Kamala Chambers: It’s kind of what we end up going through as people. You repeat these patterns over and over again if you don’t change the way you think.

David Essel: Absolutely.

The first thing is, he’s blowing my mind that I have to admit I’m in denial. He made me accept it. I said, “All right. I’m in denial.”

Change The Way You Think About Having A Coach

David Essel: Then, the second thing he said was, “Since that’s a financial goal, who’s your business coach?” I said “You.” He said, “No, no, no. Before me, who’s your business coach?” and I said, “Well, I haven’t had one in three years.” “Why did you stop having a business coach?” “Because we were shattering goals, and I didn’t think I needed one anymore.”

“Mistake number two David. If you haven’t been able to do it on your own, you’re never going to do it on your own. You need a coach.”

I said, “How about you?” He goes, “No. I told you I would do this one. I don’t have time for this.” But he goes, “Let me refer you to people. You can talk to them. Either of them will be great.” The coach I chose of the two he gave me, I still work with today. How many years we’ve been together, right?

Change The Way You Think And Surround Yourself With People Who Are Better Than You

David Essel: I’ve got a lot of major wake up calls in my life. One of the blessings of surrounding yourself with individuals who are better than you, smarter than you, more successful than you, wiser than you, is that you get a chance to cut short on your mistake-laden life, and jump ahead of the teams by following people who already know what to do.

But, here’s something you have to understand, and this is what I tell all my counseling and coaching clients.

Change The Way You Think And Fully Surrender

David Essel: If you’re not willing to fully surrender to someone else’s program, you are delaying your opportunity for growth. – David Essel

We see a lot of people say, “Oh, okay. I’d like to work with you,” and then when you give them assignments, they go, “Oh, no, no, no. That’s not for me.” And that’s not surrendering.

To Change The Way You Think Is Uncomfortable

David Essel: You need to work with someone and when they ask you to do things that aren’t comfortable, just do it.

David Essel Change The Way You Think Thriving Launch Podcast

Kamala Chambers: I want to back up what you’re saying here because it is the most important thing I’ve ever done for my business. It is getting mentoring, getting support, and taking accountability. That is the biggest thing in podcasting.
But having the accountability is everything, right?

David Essel: Yeah.

Kamala Chambers: It makes it, so we have someone guiding us towards the goal.

I just want to share something that’s important to me that maybe some of you listeners can resonate with.

Change The Way You Think And Be Careful When Choosing A Mentor

Kamala Chambers: I have chosen wrong. I have picked the wrong guidance and the wrong mentoring. The things I found is look out for people who have huge promises or overly hyped things, and they’re not realistic with you up front. I think that’s a huge thing to look for in a mentor.

Also, I don’t mean to get on this level but trust your intuition. Luis and I hired people, and we’re like “Well, I don’t know about this about this person. I’m not sure. It doesn’t feel right.” We’ve lost a lot of time, money, and energy choosing wrong.

But I want to back up what you’re saying about choosing someone.

David Essel: Yeah.

Kamala, I want to throw something else out there. It maybe a little confusing for our audience but it’s something worthwhile to hold onto.

Change the Way You Think About Things That Don’t Feel Good To You

David Essel: Many teachers in the law of attraction say that if something doesn’t feel good, that means you’re off base.  Many times, that’s wrong. Many times, things that don’t feel good or don’t feel comfortable are good for us and our growth.

When I have people come to me, and I work with them on sobriety, well, there are a lot of things you do on sobriety that isn’t comfortable.

If I have people to take our financial freedom course, one of the things we do is we do a comprehensive documentation for 30 days of every penny spent, what it was spent on, and then we break it down into these other categories.

The hundreds of people that have taken the course, I haven’t had anyone say, “Oh my God! I’ve been waiting for this. I’ve been waiting for someone to make me write down every penny and what it’s for.” But, something’s feel uncomfortable, and they don’t feel
right, and they could be the best thing for us.

Now, backing up what you said about intuition.
If you’re working with someone who is condescending, who is holier than thou, who is righteous in their approach, and that doesn’t feel good, then I’ll say, follow your intuition because that isn’t a good match for you.

Change The Way You Think And Be Careful About Shying Away

David Essel: But be careful about shying away, and saying, “Well, I’m not a morning person and this person’s asking me to do something at this time.”

Be careful about what doesn’t feel right that might be perfect for you but crappy to do.

Kamala Chambers:I know that this conversation about the importance of being able to change the way you think could keep going for hours. You have so much to share with the Thriving Launchers, and we’re coming to a close here.

Before we go, I want to ask you. Is there any last gem, take away, or action step you want to leave the Thriving Launchers with that they can apply today about the importance of being able to change the way you think?

Change The Way You Think And Take Action Now

David Essel: I posted something on Facebook today, and it said this, “If I waited to get educated and to get a degree in broadcast journalism to write books, the nine books we have out right now would still be in my head.”

Luis Congdon: I love that.

That’s one of the things here Thriving Launchers is I want to back up today’s conversation with one of my favorite passages from a great book. Religion aside, the Bible is a fantastic book. It has a lot of great quotes in it, and one of the verses I love says, “Show me a man of action, and I will show you a man of faith.”

Change The Way You Think And Take Action To Declare You Have The Faith

Luis Congdon: The lesson from today parallels that because your faith, all your meditations, affirmations, and visualizations will only fully be backed up by your ability to then trust that the universe is supporting you, and go out there, and take the massive action to declare that you have the faith.

If you just have the faith, and you’re waiting and hoping, it’s probably not going to happen.

Another great story straight out of the Bible is the parting of the red sea. Now, you got to trust that you can walk through that sea and that sea is going to stay up for you to walk through.

Change The Way You Think And Trust That The Universe Is Supporting You

Luis Congdon: I encourage you guys to go out there. Thriving Launchers, go out there, believe that the universe is supporting you.

Just like you trust when you’re driving your car that you’re not going to hit somebody, that the car isn’t going to swerve out, or you’re walking down the sidewalk, and you’re trusting that a car isn’t going to hit you. I encourage you to take actions the same way.

If you’ve wanted to write a book or whatever it is, go out and take the steps necessary, and trust that your mentor’s coming to you, the right actions are coming to you.

But, you must first take that first step to say that I trust that my affirmations and my meditation, which is 20%, I am confident that the other 80% will be met through my action.

I leave you guys with that today. Thriving Launchers, go out there and stay thriving.

Thriving Launch by Kamala Chambers and Luis Congdon

Change The Way You Think – David Essel
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The Myth Of Positive Thinking – Book by David Essel
Life Coach Universe – David Essel’s website
Podcast Launch Guide – Start your own podcast
Grammarly – Our favorite tool for editing blogs, social media posts and any writing we do.
Rock Star – Book by David Essel

Healing Stories: Public Speaking “If you don’t do this you will lose your job”

Healing Stories “If you don’t do this you will lose your job”

Have you ever worked for a manager or a boss that came down on you one day and told you that if you didn’t master a certain part of the business you worked at you may not be employed there anymore?

Sometimes it’s new technology. Maybe a manager will come in the office and say everyone is going to be trained on a certain computer system, and if you’re insecure about computers, it might put the fear of God in you right now!

Or maybe public speaking… Which many people fear greater than the fear of dying. There are many people that when they’re told they have to do a presentation for the new position they freeze up. They become afraid. Anxiety rises. But if they want to keep their job how are they going to work through this anxiety?

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel, for the past 27 years has helped people to overcome their greatest fears in life… And allow them to feel the incredible increase of self-esteem and confidence once they master that area they’re afraid of.

Below, David shares the story of a female client he was working with, who was told by her boss one day that if she didn’t master the art of speaking in front of small groups of people he was going to have to let her go.

But he did throw her a bone. He said to her, however if you do master the art of presenting in front of people, I will guarantee you a raise in the very near future.

Let’s hear David’s side of the story.

“20 years ago I got a frantic call from a woman who was about to lose her job. She was petrified because her boss had just told her that, in her marketing position, one of the new responsibilities was going to be speaking in front of small groups of people.

This included tradeshows, where she would be behind the table promoting their products, and answering questions to people who came up interested in the potential of buying what she had to sell.

She told me she had never been more fearful in her whole life. That ever since she was a little kid she was shy. She loved marketing but did not enjoy sales. And now her boss was telling her that she had to not only understand marketing, but she had to become a sales person within the organization as well.

But she did tell me she had an option. She could take a demotion in the company, A huge decrease in her pay if she didn’t want to go and learn how to present publicly. Of course to her this wasn’t an option, but learning how to speak in public was nothing that she was excited about.

So I introduced her to my course on public speaking and public communication. I told her that if she showed up every week for our work together, and did the homework that I gave her, within a short 10 weeks the program would be over and she would be looking at a raise. She looked at me and said “you are by far the most positive person I have ever met because you don’t even know me and you think that you can turn me into a public speaker. Good luck!”

We had a good laugh together and then we got right to work. We examined her belief systems. We went back into her childhood and easily found the time she was embarrassed in her third-grade class when she stumbled over a reading assignment.  From that day forward she never wanted to speak in front of people again.

We also found out through our work by going back into her childhood, that her father was the same way. He was an accountant, and he never wanted to be in front of people speaking. He would do everything in his power to avoid social events, and business events where people expected him to talk about his role as the accountant of this large company.

So not only did she have a negative experience in third grade but she also had a role model that shared her fear of speaking in public.

I assured her that this was natural. That most people came to me to learn how to be a better communicator came from bad experiences in the past.

I told her I’ve walked this path 1000 times and I guaranteed her that we could see great success fairly quickly.

She was shocked at the end of the first session, when I gave her a small assignment to speak in my office, with my back turned towards her. She thought that was weird, but within five minutes she was doing this mini 60 second presentation in a very commanding voice and with more confidence than I thought she would have at the end of one session. The homework was a little tougher. She had to go home and write a 60 second speech about her company and rehearse it six times a day over the next six days until I saw her again.

Every week I worked with her we went into a new area of self-confidence and self-esteem. I taught her how to write short outlines, sort of like a little scripts, so that she had something to fall back to when she was speaking about her company.

I talked her about the importance of using props, small articles of information that she could hold up as she was speaking, to divert some of the attention from her so that she felt more comfortable in front of small groups.

We helped her destroy all limiting beliefs. Along with the props, I continue to help her work on outlines that would make her presentation so much easier to remember.

Like the four most important tips when it came to selling her products. Or the six most important keys that separated her products from all the other companies on the market that sold the same thing.

By week eight she was having a blast! I remember specifically on that day her looking at me after doing a seven minute presentation that was exceptional, she looked and said “David Essel I have no idea how you did this. You’re a miracle worker. I actually have had fun in this course and I can’t wait to show my boss everything I’ve learned.”

And it gets even better from here! At the end of the course she went into her bosses office and said she was ready to do the presentation. He shut the door and said have at it.

For the next 10 minutes she had him in the most amazing position ever. He kept shaking his head and smiling. At the end of it all he said “you’re not gonna have to worry about waiting for that raise it’s going to affect in 30 days. You’ve exceeded my expectations. Welcome as the director of marketing and sales for our company starting next month.”

And that’s very same day I got the most incredible email from her, thanking me profusely for helping her change. But the real work was done by her. She surrendered to the process. She did everything I asked her to do. And the end result? She not only saved her job, she walked through her own fears and insecurities, and in the process got an incredible raise and a new title with the company she had always loved working for.”

As David has shared over the 37 years of his work in the world of personal growth, and 27 years as a counselor and a coach, that we can overcome so many of our own insecurities on a more regular basis if we reach out for help, and invest more time, money, and effort into ourselves. See more info on David’s Art of Presenting and Public Speaking Course here… http://davidessel.com/learn-the-art-of-presenting-and-public-speaking/

If you need help, reach out to David today at www.davidessel.com