David Essel, Positive Thinking Will NEVER Change Your Life… But This Book Will, addiction, codependency, substance abuse, codependent, co-dependent, codependent no more, substance abuse counselor, codependent relationship, addiction

Healing Stories: Addiction. Opiate Overdose. The Four Keys To Turn the Epidemic Around

Healing Stories: Opiate Overdose. The Four Keys To Turn the Epidemic Around

Over 125 people die every day in the US from opiate overdose. From heroin to prescription drugs like vicodin, oxycodone, roxycodone and more. The tragedy continues in a country that has the resources to turn this problem around.

For the past 28 years, number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and holistic addiction recovery coach David Essel has helped many people addicted to opiates turn the corner to lead a drug free existence. Is it easy? No, but it is worth the effort’s that David talks about below.

The four key ingredients to turn the opiate addiction tragedies around…

” Over 25 years ago I started to work as a holistic addiction recovery coach in the world of addiction and recovery. From alcohol, to street drugs, to prescription drugs, to food, sex, spending and so much more. But the one drug that is the most brutally difficult to watch someone go through withdrawl from has to be without a doubt opiates.

I have had multiple clients sit in my office, or let me repeat that, lay on the floor in my office during our sessions for the first 30 minutes in a fetal position, shaking, sweating and experiencing dry heaves.

It is been so sad to watch them for 30 straight minutes in this extreme state of pain, then to slowly rise, sit on the couch and do their best to begin the session of the day. It’s not easy for them, nor has it been easy for me to watch them riddled in pain.

But on the flipside, I have helped many many of these addicts get totally clean, and stay clean, through the points below that I think are crucial if we want to try to turn this epidemic around.

But first, how did we get in the situation to begin with? What has really caused this incredible addiction to opiates in our society? In the August 4 2017 edition of USA today, Dr. Marty Makary, a professor of surgery and health policy at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, claimed that physicians are the root cause of this addiction to opiates.

Interesting isn’t it? That one of the leading physicians in America will call his profession out as the major cause of opiate addiction. And how is that?

In his own words he talks about over prescribing, in his practice, opioid prescriptions for a number of years. “Take C-sections. One of the most common operations paid for by Medicaid tax dollars. Some doctors appropriately prescribe 5 to 10 opioid tablets after the procedure, in combination with non opioid meds as recommended by the American Pain Society. While other doctors are still doing what I did for years. Give every patient a bottle of 30 to 60 highly addictive opioid tablets. We need to take away the matches not put out the fires.”  That is from one of our leading doctors in society today.

So here are four keys I think we really need to look at in order to turn this epidemic around:

Number one. Medications and supplements to help in the withdrawal process. In the image I painted above, watching someone go through days upon days of intense withdrawl symptoms due to opiate addiction, we have found that there’s a variety of products available some medical, some over the counter, to help individuals go through, and work through the withdrawal phase.

The most well-known is the pharmaceutical called Suboxone, which must be prescribed by a physician, and if done correctly, can help decrease the cravings for the opiates as well as decrease the withdrawl symptoms my clients go through.

But there’s a catch. In my experience, I’ve seen way too many clients come in who are addicted to Suboxone. The doctors, whether they knew it or not, are having these individuals on long term use of Suboxone which in my professional opinion is uncalled for. Not necessary. But when they come in, and they’ve been on Suboxone for three, four, or five years… They start to feel both emotionally and physically dependent upon the drug. They’re afraid if they go off it they will not only experience withdrawal but they will start craving again the opiates that they been trying to get away from.

My advice? I think physicians should be responsible in the prescribing of Suboxone, because it does work, but only for a 3 to 6 month period of time where they should be working with their clients weaning them off this very strong pharmaceutical drug.

The other supplements that we use in my practice, since I am not a physician, would be the amino acid DLPA, or DL – phenylalanine, Tyrosine as well as the herbal supplement Kratom.

In our practice we have seen the combination use of these supplements, have helped people to decrease their mental and physical cravings for opiates, and begin to see that they can lead a life without these highly addictive and destructive drugs.

One of my clients, a 30 year on and off opiate addict, could not believe the power of DLPA. He mentioned to me many times during our months of working together that  he never thought he would be able to walk away from these powerful drugs but the supplement DLPA, which affects mood and pain regulation, is the answer he had been looking for.

But the supplements are not miracle workers. They are just one of the many steps we can take to help clients get off the opiate addiction cycle.

Number two. In my practice, the number one cause of all types of addiction, is the fact that we don’t know how to deal with emotions in society today. So let’s take someone who had surgery, they were prescribed opiates for their recovery, but then they found that not only did the opiate take away their pain, but it took away boredom, anxiety, nervousness, and even depression after surgery.

So once they are “healed”, and they no longer have access to their own prescription, withdrawl sets in. But, if they had learned as we teach in our holistic addiction recovery program, how to deal with the emotions of boredom, anxiety, stress from all areas of life, and they were weaned off the opiates appropriately with Suboxone, DLPA etc.… We give them a much better chance of learning how to live life drug-free.

Number three. Medical and emotional support versus law enforcement. A recent article, September 24, New York Times, described the incredible powerful response the country of Portugal has had in dealing with opiate addiction and overdose. Once they decriminalized opiates and cocaine use, and instead put their health department system in charge of dealing with opiate addicts, the number of overdose deaths dropped dramatically in this country. We need to follow their lead. We don’t need more policeman on the street. We don’t need more incarceration. We need a very viable approach to mental health and addiction withdrawal through our health departments not through law enforcement.

Number four. Education. This is a tough one. Most of the addicts I’ve worked with had no idea what they were heading into when they started playing around with opiates. There is not one addict I’ve ever worked with who said they knew at some point they’d be injecting heroin in their arms. There needs to be a greater amount of education, once again by our health department, in our school systems, and universities. Not just warning about the dangers of opiate use, but educating people on the correct use of opiates for pain relief.

And this goes for doctors as well. With the quote above out of USA today, I think every doctor in America needs to take an educational course on opiates, looking at the number of prescribed pills per health challenge, and making sure that they’re not writing prescriptions to keep patients happy, but writing prescriptions in order to keep people from being addicted.

In our holistic addiction recovery program we also teach people how to keep their blood sugar levels normalize through diet, so that they don’t hit the bottoms, lack of energy where they reach out for opiates to lift their moods. We also go over spiritual practices, emotional practices, cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, exercise to release endorphins in the brain so that these individuals have a chance to become healthy, and free of addiction for the rest of their life.

One of my clients wives called me several weeks ago after her husband had been clean through our program from his opiate addiction for four months. She was almost crying on the phone. She thanked me for bringing her husband back. Someone she had not “seen” in 20 years. To me, working as hard as we do on education, and holistic addiction recovery approaches, this call made it all worthwhile.”

For more information on how David can help you with any addiction issues please click here

 

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Healing Stories: Relationships – Overcoming the Affair – The Four Keys to Reclaim Love

David Essel, marriage, relationship, abusive relationship, happy marriage, healthy relationships, how to save a relationship, David Essel, Positive Thinking Will NEVER Change Your Life…

Healing Stories: Overcoming the Affair – The Four Keys to Reclaim Love

Almost everyone that enters into a romantic love relationship says that if their partner were ever to have an affair the relationship is dead. Over. Gone.

But is that really the case? Millions of people who face the prognosis of an affair will choose to try to save the relationship versus end it.

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped hundreds of couples since 1990 reclaim love after an affair. But he’s also seen an equal number that during their attempt to save the relationship, actually sabotage it.

“For those of us who have been on the receiving end, or the giving end of an affair, the stress is off the charts. Do I want to stay with them? Are they worthy of me bringing them back into my heart? If you’re the one who cheated, you may be thinking very similar thoughts. In other words, there are no winners when it comes to an affair.

But I can tell you that there’s some really important keys to follow if you want to try to save a relationship after an affair. Here they are:

Number one: Whoever cheated must become more humble and vulnerable than they’ve ever been in their life. With my clients in this position I tell them that they’re going to have to basically be on their knees, asking for forgiveness, and be willing to do almost anything their partner asks to prove their serious about reclaiming the relationship.

This takes an immense amount of humility. And it’s not just doing this for 30 or 60 days, in my practice as a counselor, I’ve seen that it takes up to 365 days in a row of someone truly being humbled in order for their partner to trust them once again.

Number two: Now this next step is brutal. It’s for the person who did not cheat. After I work with this individual for about four weeks I ask them to get serious. To look within and see what role they had in the affair. Of course many times at first they balk. They claim they did nothing. But after deeper introspection, and answering the questions that we’ve created for people in this situation, 100% of the time they see a role they played in the affair.

They understand that they shut down in bed for six months which encouraged their partner to seek something from the outside world. Or they became highly passive aggressive in the relationship. Or they became workaholics, alcoholics, foodaholics. In other words they picked up an addiction so they didn’t have to spend time with their partner. Once they see the reality of their role the relationship has a much better chance to heal.

Number three: Going back to the person who cheated. I have them do an exercise where they write down all the reasons why they strayed from the relationship. Were they bored? Did they have deep resentments? Was there unresolved rage or anger at their partner? Were they simply following the role model in childhood, or mom or dad who had an affair? Were they afraid of speaking openly? Were they afraid of communicating their true feelings because they thought they might get shut down?

When the person who cheated goes through and answers all of these questions it starts to bring great insight for me as a counselor as to what we have to do to help the couple reclaim their love.

Number four: Forgiveness. The last step I take each of these individuals separately through is forgiveness. For the person who cheated, I take them through a series of exercises to forgive themselves for the error they made. For the person who did not cheat, I take them through a series of exercises to forgive themselves as well for what they did that may have encouraged their partner to look outside of the relationship for validation.

I will give two separate examples of couples I’ve worked with after an affair. One who was successful, and the other was not.

The successful couple. They did everything I mentioned above with 100% energy. Within 365 days of working with them individually they were able to reclaim their love, forgive themselves, forgive each other, that was 17 years ago and today their love is stronger than ever.

The unsuccessful couple. In this case, the husband who cheated, did everything I asked of him to reclaim the relationship. As I worked with him it was amazing to see the transformation of humility. But on the other hand, his wife never took him off of the cross. She continued to berate him. Even after nine months of him doing everything that she wanted him to do to prove he would never cheat again she constantly reminded him of what a loser he was. That she would never trust him. At that time in the counseling I let the wife go. I told her that I couldn’t work with her if she wasn’t willing to look at her role and to start the process of forgiveness.

I continued to work with the husband, but he had a very tough road to go through. Unfortunately, I don’t see this relationship healing unless the woman becomes extremely humble, vulnerable, and tries to risk the concept of forgiveness.

Millions of couples will go through this very same experience and the ones who heal will find a deeper love than they’ve ever experienced with each other in the past.”

If you need help in your relationship, before an affair happens, or after one occurs, reach out to David at www.davidessel.com

To read more stories like this and to find out how David can help you see David’s Blog

Healing Stories: Is Karma Absolute?

Karma? Is it absolute?

Healing Stories: Is karma absolute? A different look at a long held philosophy.

For years now people have talked about Karma as if it’s an absolute law of the universe. We reap what we sow. What goes around comes around. But is it true?

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel used to preach for years about the power of Karma. That if you mistreated someone it was coming back to you. That if you miss handled your money you would always be financially strapped. That if you gossiped about someone other people would absolutely gossip about you.

But times change as David explained below.

“For more years than I can remember I used to always say to people that if they are in a tough relationship it was because they mistreated someone in the past. Or if they were struggling financially it was because they had very little respect for money. In other words we reap what we sow. Was this absolute statement a lie?

Times have changed. And after 27 years as a counselor and life coach I’ve come to realize that karma may not be absolute at all. Isn’t that fascinating?

Many times on social media you’ll see people say, after someone gets dumped in a relationship, “don’t worry, Karma will bite them in the ass.” But I’ve seen quite the opposite.

Let me explain.

I’ve worked with people who had affairs on their partner and yet slept like a baby every night. They didn’t suffer the consequences that other people suffer. And these weren’t psychotic individuals. They were every day people who just had decided that at this time in a relationship they wanted to also be with someone else. After working with them for six months or longer there were no ramifications to their acts. When they would return five or six years later and I would ask them about how the last number of years went in the relationship they would be honest with me and say we haven’t had any problems at all.

But if Karma was absolute, as we’ve been taught, they should have suffered in someway. There should’ve been chaos and drama in their minds that created guilt and shame that would not allow them to sleep like babies at night.

I worked with a man who had stolen a large amount of money from his boyfriend. When his boyfriend found out he ended the relationship. But he wasn’t that distraught at all because he said it was time to move on anyway. He couldn’t take him to court, because he had spent all the money and had none. So when I asked him if he felt Karma was going to come back and bite him in the butt he replied no. It’s just life.

Four years later he came back to work with me on a totally different topic and I asked him if there were any ramifications from taking the money from his previous boyfriend. Answer? Not at all. Everything has been great. My finances are awesome, my new relationship is great as well.

I’ve also worked with people who have been very unjust and mean-spirited towards others. And they don’t think anything about it. And when I go into detail about their current business and friendships with people who may be treating them the way they treat others, often times the answer is that they are fine. That they’re not having any chaos and drama in any of their relationships.

Now this article is not condoning people to cheat on others, steal from others, or mistreat others. The whole purpose is many times we take these “laws of life” as absolute and they may not be. So what’s the take away from the concept that Karma may not be absolute? We need to quit wasting our time saying things like “they’ve got it coming. Karma is a bitch.”

That actually puts us in a negative state of mind. Wishing ill on another person is not healthy for us and I doubt if it’s going to have any effect on them, but it truly takes our energy away from living a positive life.

I think as a society we need to drop this whole thing about “people are going to get there payback, someone is going to screw around on them, someone is going to steal from them”. Because as I just mentioned it takes away from us being positive and progressive individuals.

If Karma was absolutely true then how do we explain when terrible things happen to great people?

A number of years ago I worked with a woman who was an absolute saint on earth. She was an individual who put everyone else in front of her. Almost mother Theresa like and made a huge difference in this world.

And when she was 50 she was brutally raped and left for dead.

If Karma was absolute we would have to say that she called this upon herself. That she must’ve done something so terrible. What goes around comes around and that she got paid back by being brutally raped. Do you see what I’m saying when I tell you that Karma is not absolute?

And there’s millions of more stories of clients I’ve worked with over the last 27 years that have faced great, huge, tragedies that had nothing to do with their past action. “.

You can read more stories like this on David’s Blog

Be careful of what you believe in. Many of the old “laws of the universe”, just like the law of attraction, or statements like “whatever you believe you can achieve”,  are not 100% factual either. Be careful. Be selective. Just because famous motivational speakers have told us that Karma is absolute does not mean it is at all.”

If you would like more information on all the coaching and counseling David Essel offers you can find it here.

Healing Stories: The Las Vegas Massacre…My heart deeply aches.

coping with tragedy in Las Vegas

Healing Stories: The Las Vegas Massacre…My heart deeply aches.

Coping with tragedy…

Disbelief. Rage. Anger. Hopelessness. Sadness. Grief.

As the word of the Las Vegas massacre reached the world the above emotions ran through almost every human being on earth.

Where do we begin? How do we process? Where do we direct our emotions to?

These are some of the questions that have flowed in daily to number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel. The answers for something so tragic are never easy.

Below David tries to offer some hope. Maybe some explanation into what we need to do now after another tragedy has hit our soil.

“My heart, aches deeply. Now. Still. I woke up in the morning to the worst news that I could ever imagine. After the hurricanes. After the earthquake in Mexico City. After the ethnic cleansing that has forced 400,000+ people into the country of Bangladesh who from all accounts is not equipped to deal with the Muslim population that is being persecuted beyond control by of all things a Buddhist nation. Reading about a mass killing in Las Vegas put me over-the-top.

I almost couldn’t catch my breath. Tears flowed. I honestly couldn’t stop crying for 15 minutes. I couldn’t shut it down. How? Why? What’s going on in this world?

I reached out to one of my best friends, James “Smitty” Smith. A Las Vegas resident who is one of the top radio and television boxing analysts in the world. I wanted to know if he was ok. Smitty and I have been friends for over 35 years and I could not imagine if something happened to him at this concert.

He got right back to me but his words I’ll never forget. These are words coming from a former boxer. A macho kind of a guy who also combines that tough guy image with a heart of gold. He told me he was shattered. He didn’t go into work. He couldn’t. The grief was way too heavy. I sat on the phone listening to him and tears were still streaming.

Then I thought of my friends DeBorah and Floyd Little. Melissa Roof. And so many others that live in Las Vegas. I reached out to all of them, holding my breath, praying and hoping that they are all ok. Thank God they were.

And then on my Facebook feed, something that still brings tears to me right now, I started reading about friends of mine that had lost a good friend to the sniper in Las Vegas. Another friend of mine whose daughter was there and got shot in the leg. I was overcome with grief.

I had no time for anger. Yet.

Overwhelmed. Numbness. Every client I worked with on that day was in the same mental and emotional state. Deflated. Absolutely numb .

Even those clients I work with over Skype from all over the world had the same emotional response. None of us were ready to be angry yet. There was so much work to be done in the world of emotions, Grief and sadness were at the top of the list.

So what do we do about this massacre? This tragedy? Regardless if we know someone who was personally affected by it or not?

As a counselor and life coach for the past 27 years I have helped people deal with all kinds of loss, grief, anger, rage, sadness. And we need to try to process the emotions beginning now.

Here are some thoughts, and I truly with my open, hurting heart, hope they may help you in the processing of tragedy .

Number One: Start to limit yourself from reading, listening to, and watching more and more information on this massacre . We need to take a break. Everyone. If you continue to follow every person’s comment, every congressman’s comment, every media personalities,…there is no healing to be done. This is pure fact. I work in the media, but I’m telling you people need to take a break from the onslaught of information.

Number Two: Quit posting on social media your opinion of what happened, why it happened, and how we need to change this world. I see so much anger, people directing anger at each other, the Democrats attacking the Republicans, the Republicans attacking Democrats, the atheist attacking the believers. Enough of the nonsense. Get the hell off social media if you’re going to make comments that you truly don’t know anything about. And as of right now we don’t have enough information for people to be getting angry at each other about such a tragic event. There is no benefit to this whatsoever. Stop it.

Number Three: Take the time to write about your emotions. If you’re grieving, write about your grief, what is the cause. If you’re angry, write about what you’re angry about. If you feel hopelessness, write about your hopelessness. Whatever you’re feeling get it out of your head, out of your heart, on to the paper. This is the first step to heal.

Number Four: Some of my clients are asking right now if there is a God, where was he? Where was she? How come she didn’t intervene and stop the killer? How could he let such a senseless tragedy occur? As an all faith minister these questions come to me even outside of tragedy. Find a professional, a minister, Rabbi, priest and work with them. Ask them these questions. Try to find some answers. They may, or may not, come right away but it’s our responsibility to look.

Number Five: If you come from a spiritual or religious background pray. Pray for those directly affected by this tragedy. Pray for yourself as you feel the depth of emotion of sadness, anger, rage and grief. Prayers do help bring people together, even people that may not know you’re praying for them. They work if you believe they do and if you don’t just skip this step.

Number Six: Donate. Time. Blood. Money. There are ways that you can actively become involved in this tragedy by going to your local blood bank. Or by becoming part of the solution. By following the above tips. By stopping your comments on social media and cutting back on how much time you spend watching, reading or listening to the news. Look in your community. Can you help any organization by volunteering? Think.

Number Seven: Ask for help. Reach out to a counselor, life coach, therapist if you’re still truly deeply struggling and ask for help. Don’t go this alone. This is the time to get guidance and ask someone to guide you through your grieving process.

I believe it’s too early to try to be looking for the “silver lining” in this massacre. I’ve read on social media people saying that “everything happens for a reason” and I think this is terrible advice right now. It’s premature. It’s way too early. I would never advise any of my clients, family or friends to start looking for the good in a massacre so close to the event having just happened. Don’t be foolish and wasting your time on this principle.

There will come a time down the road that you might want to explore the reason for this, the positive side of this equation, but I as a professional do not believe that we are anywhere near that time right now.

If you need help, reach out to me at www.davidessel.com, I want you to know you’re not alone. You are never alone.”

David is offering a one-on-one 20 minute counseling session over the phone at no charge to offer support at this time. Simply e-mail Davidʼs office at david@davidessel.com and one of his staff members will set up your time.
“I am reaching out to all affected and hurting from this tragedy and I hope to be part of the solution and will look forward to helping as many people as I can,” says Essel.
For more information on how David can help you  click here

 

David Essel, marriage, relationship, abusive relationship, happy marriage, healthy relationships, how to save a relationship, David Essel, Positive Thinking Will NEVER Change Your Life…

Healing Stories: Forgiveness – “I Will Never Be Able To Forgive Her.”

David Essel, marriage, relationship, forgiveness, abusive relationship, happy marriage, healthy relationships, how to save a relationship, David Essel, Positive Thinking Will NEVER Change Your Life…

Healing Stories: “I Will Never Be Able To Forgive Her.”

Sometime in your life, if it hasn’t happened now, it probably will in the future you will face great betrayal.

It may be from a close friend. A lover. A family member. A coworker.

They could be incredibly spiritual. Kind? They may have a high standing in society. Or they may be struggling in life. But whatever the case, most of us in life face betrayal. Someone breaks their word. Steals money. Cheats on you. Speaks behind your back. Destroys your reputation in society.

And what do we do?

For 27 years, number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped thousands of people to overcome the brutal act of betrayal. But he never imagined he would have to put all of his own strength and energy and the techniques he teaches others into his own life as well.

Below is David’s story. A brutally honest recollection of an experience that changed his life.

“I fell so deeply in love with her. It was fast. It took both of us down this incredible path of love in almost an instant. I was ready for a deep ongoing relationship and I found it.

Not only did I fall deeply in love with this woman but also she had a young daughter that I bonded with equally as well.

Within a short period of time I started to become frustrated with the lack of her ability to follow through on her words. And this is something that I mentioned to every person in the beginning of a dating relationship. I can be very strong, very secure, but if you start backing out of your words, if you don’t follow through and do things you say you’re going to do, it will create havoc in our relationship. And this is exactly what started to happen.

I didn’t know when I first started dating her that she had quite a bit of financial challenges. So within a short period of time I found myself loaning her money to help her and her kids survive.

First it was one months rent and then one months back rent. Then her car needed multiple repairs. And then the big hit came when she had to have surgery and none of her family members would help her financially with a surgery that absolutely had to be done.

So I became the Savior. At that time I told her that we had to start writing up a legal agreement with all the money I had loaned her because I was feeling uncomfortable about where all of this was going. She agreed instantly. Which set my heart free. I could still love her and just realize she was going through a difficult time and be there to support her and her children. But they were still problems with our relationship.

She had a very hard time following her words. She would promise to do small or large task and then 70% of the time she would never follow through. I was becoming very impatient very irritated.

I still loved her deeply but I was sensing great limitations in our relationship .

Eventually, I ended the relationship. But as she was leaving, I realized she had no money for rent for her and her little girl, so I ended up continuing to pay rent on a regular basis to make sure she stayed afloat.

As the debt continue to rise. She was starting to make weekly payments, even a little bit at a time, which made me feel secure that we could at least stay friends. I could support her little girl and she would eventually pay me back the money.

But it wasn’t going to be that easy. One day, when I called her to set up a time for the weekly payment, she informed me that she had talked to her mom and several of her girlfriends and she wasn’t going to pay me back. I was shocked. She went on to tell me that everyone agreed that this is what boyfriends do they help their girlfriends financially and that’s just the way it is. No more money would be paid back.
I was in shock. But I shouldn’t have been. This was a trend that had been going on since early in our relationship. She would promise one thing, back out, and cancel her promises. On top of all this I had to slowly end my relationship with her daughter which broke my heart as much as having to end the relationship with this woman.

Nothing about this was easy. A number of months went by. My anger continued to grow. My resentments continued to grow and I knew I had to do something about it.

So I started the process of forgiveness that I have taught thousands of people since 1990.

Every day I wrote about my anger, my rage, my hurt, my sadness, my disappointment. This literally went on for months. I knew I had to get the poison out of my heart as I knew it was affecting me in such a negative way every day .

After all of my anger was gone, I started writing letters of forgiveness to her that I would either tear up or burn on a daily basis. I shared none of this experience with her as the problem really was within me. I needed to forgive so I could be at peace.

Then I began writing about my role in this experience. My codependency. I had turned into the white night, the Savior, wanting to make sure that she had everything she needed when the relationship was not one based on honesty or trust. That was my fault.

Betrayal, it happened on many levels, from the breaking of her words, to the borrowing of a large amount of money with no intention to pay it back.

And I had betrayed myself. When my intuition was saying I should not be loaning this amount of money to someone who had broken her words in the past, I was betraying my own intuition.

Once all of this was clear, I started writing about how she could do such a thing. I wanted to have compassion for her and her situation.

As I wrote, I recalled all of the terrible experiences she had growing up as a young girl. Emotionally abused by her mother. Physically abused by her stepfather. Physically abused by one of several husbands. As I wrote, my heart opened. A new day was beginning.

It took many many months to get to this level. I had no communication with her whatsoever during this time and she had no idea I was doing all of this intense forgiveness work on my part. It wasn’t about her, it was about me.

When I was fully clear, I waited several months before I figured I’d reach out and talk to her, and then all of a sudden hurricane Irma hit. One of my first concerns was now that I’ve forgiven her, is she OK with her kids.

That text, reaching out and asking is she set to face this massive hurricane? I felt anxiety inside me. Have a really forgiven her? If she responds with an attitude can I let it go? If she responds with gratitude can I let it go? In other words this was never about her, it was about me dealing with me.

Her response was immediate. Thankful. Grateful. My heart was open, I had done the deep work of forgiveness and I could be real, honest and vulnerable with her as a friend.

I became free, she became free. Then the next step surprised the hell out of me. I received a series of text from her telling me things that were incredibly powerful to hear. How I had taught her so much about life. How she had grown immensely. Her gratitude for everything I did to help her and her children. Several texts in a row open my heart even more.

She also shared that she was in a new relationship and my first response back was as you and I are continuing to reclaim this friendship, make sure your new boyfriend is aware of what you’re doing, I don’t want to create any chaos and drama for you or for me.

My work was done. The lines of communication are open if she ever wants to reach back out and I truly feel I can be friends with her at whatever level that means.

Don’t hold the poison of resentment and anger inside. Forgiveness is hard work. It never is easy. But I can tell you it’s so damn worth it. When I think of her name now my heart stays open. A year ago? Whenever I thought of her a sour feeling went through my body. That feeling is now gone. She has moved on, I have moved on, and peace is back in my life. You can do the same thing. If you need help, reach out and I will take you down the same path of forgiveness. It is worth the work.”

( From David’s new, and yet to be released book, “Focus! A step-by-step guide to huge success, a great attitude and profound love. ” )

Learn more about David and his one on one coaching and counseling here… http://davidessel.com/life-relationship-business-coach/

If you would like to reach David to help you with any relationship issues that you’re going through, please email him through the website www.davidessel.com

Healing Stories: Counselor Faces Huge Anxiety in the Face of Hurricane Irma

Healing Stories: Counselor Faces Huge Anxiety in the Face of Hurricane Irma

It’s not often that we hear the gut wrenching truth from a mental health professional about facing their own anxiety in one of the biggest storms in life.

But that’s what is one of many things that separates David Essel, A number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host from so many other individuals in this world… Is that he’s willing to share his vulnerable moments as well as his powerful ones.

David is still suffering from the effects of hurricane Irma as this article is being written. He finally found a hotel to stay in after four nights of sleeping in a home without electricity and temperatures reaching 100° every evening. David shares what he believes to be the most important keys in dealing with anxiety in life.

“I’ve been through several hurricanes as I’ve lived in Florida for the last 40 years and everyone of them brings a different type of anxiety. Fear. Unsettledness. But the most recent one, hurricane Irma, affected me in a way I had never experienced it before.

The massive size of the hurricane was one thing that we had to all contend with, and as the news reports leading up to the striking of this hurricane became more prevalent, it was obvious this could be the worst ever. Some people were saying it was four or five times the size of hurricane Andrew that absolutely destroyed many communities around Miami Florida.

I live on the West Coast of Florida, Fort Myers Florida, and we weren’t sure if we are going to get a direct hit or not. In the beginning of the forecast it looked like it was going to go up the East Coast of Florida… But that was to change quickly.

My home is in a flood zone so I had arranged a hotel not far from where I live to take myself and my dog because they have generators. I figured what better place to be than 3 to 4 stories above the ground in a hotel with generators. But on the day we were supposed to move in, Saturday, they closed the hotel. Now what the hell do I do?

I started calling around to realtor friends to see if anyone had a home that I could rent for even a week or two or a month in case the damage from the hurricane was that bad. But no one could find anything for me to jump into at the last minute.

I decided not to evacuate because I knew I had a safe place in the hotel but I had no idea that safe place would be taken from underneath me.

I started to call friends of mine and found one, John Biffar, who was out of town and said I could stay in his condominium which might be a little safer than my house. So I moved in with my dog and sat down to battle what could be the storm of the century.

For the past seven days I had been planning for this. Plenty of food. Water. Flashlights. Everything I could possibly need if it was going to be an extended stay outside of my house.

But then things started to change on the news. It looked like Irma was taking a direction towards Fort Myers and away from Miami. At about 3 o’clock in the afternoon I lost it. Tears started streaming down my face. I was on the ground floor condominium, not far from a major river, and if we did get a direct hit I was Surely going to be flooded out of here as well.

As tears streamed down my face, I looked down and there was my dog Saint looking up at me, I told him that I was human, I was afraid, and we would make it through somehow.

I know, as a counselor, that the most important thing to do with emotions when we’re feeling them is to actually feel them! So I started writing. Journaling. And then I posted on Facebook, something I never do about my personal life, because I knew it was time to do so. There are millions of other people I’m sure that felt the same way I did, but probably were not going to share it in a public setting.

So I posted a very short note on Facebook that this huge wave of anxiety had just passed through me, tears are streaming down my face, I was feeling the effects of a potential direct hit from the hurricane Irma, and it’s OK. This is what we’re supposed to do. When we feel deep anxiety, depression, rage, resentments, we need to feel them, write about them to help process these emotions out of our body

This is not something that men are taught how to do. Many women refuse to express deep emotions as well. But I knew that by posting this on Facebook not only would I be human, because the fear was real, but I might actually help other people to realize it’s OK for them to go deep into their feelings as well.

The outpouring on Facebook was immediate. Many people posted underneath my post that they “were feeling the same thing and thank you for giving them a voice. Thank you for allowing your emotions to touch ours. We are all in this together.”

And this is what I have based my work on for 27 years now. When people come in and they’re going through a life trauma, one of life’s many big storms, addiction, divorce, bankruptcy, extreme weight gain, I help individuals to process their emotions over and over again instead of hiding them, stuffing them, or pretending they’re not there.

The results is instantaneous but you need to keep processing these emotions with the different tools we use on a daily basis in order for them not to get stuck in our bodies, minds and spirits.

My anxiety was well-founded. We did get a direct hit and by the time Irma hit us thank God she was down to a category 2. But as I write this, nine days later, I have moved to a hotel room with air-conditioning awaiting the power to come back on in my life. Every day I write about what I’m actually feeling, being displaced, I’m uncertain of when I can go home. I will survive, thrive and more, and one of the reasons why is because I’m allowing myself to be human, to feel, to process, to heal.”

***When tragedy hits… Americans come together. It’s what we’ve done since the beginning of time. And today, with the combined tragedy of Hurricane Harvey and Hurricane Irma, is no different. David Essel is a counselor, life coach, best-selling author, radio host and an all faith a minister who has personal experience in the tragedy of hurricanes.

“Unfortunately, I know the devastation of hurricanes on a very personal level. I am now offering, to all of the victims of Hurricane Harvey and Hurricane Irma, 20 minute phone sessions to help alleviate stress, calm nerves, and anything else I can do.” Says David.

Some of the areas David can help are as followed:

1. Anxiety
2. Frustration
3. Depression
4. Anger
5. Sadness
6. Grief
7. Prayer.

As an all faith minister, David can work with people of all spiritual and or religious backgrounds. Nonreligious people: David will help you with your challenges that have nothing to do with prayer, religion, or spirituality.

“Reach out to your friends and family. Ask professionals in your area for help. The only way to get through these difficult times is to have faith, work as a community and to look for solutions to take care of your immediate needs. I hope I can be part of that solution, and will look forward to helping as many people as I can,” says Essel.

Please e-mail Davidʼs office at david@davidessel.com and one of his staff members will set up your time for a one-on-one 20 minute session over the phone at no charge.  See here for more info

For more for Information on David, visit his website www.davidessel.com

Healing Stories: A Transgendered Teen Finds Peace

Healing Stories: A Transgendered Teen Finds Peace

Life is hard. Life is challenging for everyone. And to come to the realization that you may not be connected to the gender or sex that you were born into is an incredibly challenging experience for everyone.

Number one best-selling author, Counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has a story to share about one teenager he worked with the could open our eyes to the challenges faced by these individuals.

“She came in looking for help because her mom was tired of her depression. Her dad had continued to look the other way and whenever his wife would say I think our girl is struggling with depression he would just give a very simple answer that all teenagers struggle like our girl struggles.

But this young girl, a senior in high school, felt something was amiss her entire life. She had no interest in wearing dresses. She had no interest in being part of girl talk, or a clique, or a gossip group from elementary school through junior high through high school.

She had always felt different. But she couldn’t explain what the difference was. She was drawn to jeans, sneakers, skateboards, fishing, even blowing up glass bottles with firecrackers. Not the normal type of behavior of a young girl according to society.

At our first session she was very quiet, despondent, sullen. I asked just general questions about depression, anxiety, her friends, or lack of friends, and she started to express towards the end of the session a need to talk about something very important. As our time ran out that day, I told her that I would make more time with her next week if she needed more than an hour in our session. Her eyes lit up! She was so excited to come back the next week and said that she wanted to talk about things that were hard to talk about. I told her I was there for her.

The next week we started talking about her depression again. How she didn’t like school and didn’t really want to go to school. The list went on and on.

And then about halfway through the session she looked at me and said, “Mr. David, I’m not a normal girl. I don’t know how to say this other than I am a boy. I’m trapped in a girls body Mr. David, but I am a boy.”

It all made sense in an instant. I was sitting in front of a young transgendered girl who knew she was a boy. Do you know how difficult that would be? To be born of a certain sex and gender and yet know in your heart and soul that that’s not who you are?

Within the next several weeks her attitude improved dramatically. She was actually fun in our sessions. Her mom and dad had contacted me on the phone and asked me what magic I was pulling with their daughter and that she was a totally different girl at home.

They said that she still had depressive episodes, but that 50% of the time she was lighthearted. Something they hadn’t seen in over 10 years.

After several weeks of working together she told her mom and dad that she would be no longer wearing make up. That her real interest, skateboarding, fishing and more we’re going to become a bigger part of her life.

Her parents were upset at first, and when they came in, I talked to them about the potential reality that their daughter was a transgendered youth. I asked them to do research. I pointed them in directions to organizations where they could learn more about this potential reality with their little girl. It was very, very hard for the parents to understand and the father wanted to shut down constantly.

He was withdrawing from his little girl, we could see it in his eyes, and all I could do is encourage him to be open-minded. His daughter could sense a huge shift in him as well and one day in our session she told me that there was nothing she could do about it. “I am born in a woman’s body but I’m a boy and somehow I hope my mom and dad will come to the realization and accept me for who I really am.”

The last time I saw her the depression has lifted almost 100%. She’d become more confident. More grounded. I have shared with her different organizations to join and more experts and professionals to get in contact with so that she could see that this, her new life, could offer her both extreme challenges and yet at the same time inner peace .

I miss working with her. She, on her way to becoming a he, was brave, real, and one of the most lovable individuals I’ve ever met. I hope the world accepts her as she is starting to accepts herself.”

If there is any situation in life, that you need help with, reach out to David at www.davidessel.com. Today is the best day to do so.

Read more stories like this in David’s number one best-selling book

 

David Essel, finance, financial services, finances, money management, how to manage your money, money advice

Healing Stories: Finances – From Dead Broke to Financially Free.

Why?

Healing Stories: Finances – From Dead Broke to Financially Free.

Carrying financial debt is probably one of the most incredible stressors that we can face on a daily basis. But the truth is we don’t have to live this way if you’re willing to change our approach to income, expenses and debt .

For the last 27 years, counselor, life coach, radio host and number one best-selling author David Essel has helped thousands of people to shatter financial stress in order to lead a healthier and more productive life.

The story below is one of David’s clients who came to him totally stressed about her life in general and at the end of their work together found financial freedom in a most interesting way.

“I’ll never forget the first session with Angela from the west coast of the United States, as she went on sharing with me about how stressful her life was. She wanted me to help her with organization as her house was a mess, relationship in turmoil, even her work… The list went on and on.

Within a few weeks though it was evident that there was one thing in her life that was really causing 90% of her turmoil. It had to do with her income. It was so low that no matter how much she tried to watch her expenses she could never make ends meet.

(Now as a sidenote in teaching my course, Financial Freedom Now, I can tell you that there’s only a small percentage of people who are struggling financially where it’s their lack of income that’s the number one problem. For most people their real struggle is their daily, weekly and monthly expenses that they’re not paying close enough attention to. In other words, they’re buying whatever they want when they want to even if it’s not within their budget.)

Angela’s situation was quite different. She had a high school diploma, was working in a bank, making minimum wage and it wasn’t enough at all for her to even cover her monthly bills.

Now this part is shocking. After our initial few sessions she asked me what would it take in order for her to turn her life around. And I said quite honestly it would take 90 days of working with me five days a week and your financial situation would radically improve!

Now she didn’t know what to do. Her friends and family said do not pay this coach, this financial counselor, any money where you’re going to work with him that much. You don’t have the money. It’s too expensive.  It will never work.

But for some reason Angela believed in what I said. She signed up. We talked five days a week for 90 straight days! She would get up at 4:30 in the morning her time to do our sessions. Then at the end of working nine hour days, she would put two hours every night Monday through Friday into doing the homework I gave her, helping her to search for a new job.

She worked her butt off. She did more in 90 days than most people do in two years when they’re trying to turn their financial situation around. No matter what I asked her, how many people to contact, how many emails to send out, how many job interviews to go on she never said no.

And the end result? In 90 days, she was offered a job at double her income! And a few days later? She got another job even offering her more money!

But, and this is a big but, she did the work, I must repeat this, that most people won’t do. If you’re serious about changing your financial situation follow Angela’s role and do those things that you’d rather not do.

Get outside of your comfort zone.

Hire someone, whether it’s me or someone else, to teach you about budgeting. About decreasing expenses. So many people I’ve worked with have told me that there’s no way they can decrease their expenses but three weeks into the program they look at me shaking their head thinking oh my Lord! I can cut here, and here, and here… And my stress is already reducing.

If you’re tired of worrying about money contact me and we will take you through our Financial Freedom Now course and you will absolutely love it. Information is available, underneath our specialty courses link, at www.davidessel.com

Healing Stories: Persistence – Never give up! It took me 21 years to get this…

Healing Stories: Persistence – Never give up! It took me 21 years to get this…

In our current world instant gratification is everything. It seems that if we don’t get what we want out of love, a weight loss program, a financial goal, within a very short period of time many of us just give up. And it was not always like this. If we look back to even 50 years ago it seemed the people had a hell of a lot more persistence and determination than we do today.

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped thousands of people over the last 27 years understand the power of persistence.

It’s not sexy.  It’s not what many people want to hear. But if we can hold onto the power of discipline, persistence, and dedication so many of our goals are achievable, it just might not be on the timeline we had hoped.

Below is a story that David shares, about one area of his career, that took him 21 years of dedication to accomplish. If you’re willing to fight for your goals you can achieve almost anything.

“As a kid I was a jock. An athlete. All the way through college. I was encouraged along the way to continue to follow the world of athletics, after my playing days were done, by becoming a professional in the world of health and fitness and then working with athletes in the world of mental fitness and sports psychology.

Around 1990 I hit a major block. I went into a deep depression that was partially caused by my addiction to alcohol and drugs.

And even though I was very successful in the world of motivation, health and everything that would be on the opposite side of alcohol and drugs, I had fallen into the trap of using substances to try to deal with the ups and downs in life instead of learning how to deal with the ups and downs of life.

It was during this year that I started to write about emotions. For some reason they came out in poems and other forms of free style writing.

A friend came to visit one day and while I was in the shower she started reading through one of my many folders filled with these writings about loss, addiction, fear, insecurity and more.

When I came out of the shower she was holding this folder and looked up at me with tears in her eyes. “David, this needs to become a book. These are not just your feelings. Everyone could benefit by reading this because we all go through this in various stages of life, the stress, you’re writing about in this book.”

Book? I wasn’t talented enough to write a book were the first thoughts that went through my mind.

But I continued to write. Within another couple of years I had over 300 writings that I minimized down to 150 of my best writings. I decided to find a publisher to see if I could make this a success.

Within a short period of time I found a small publisher in the Northeast that loved the book . They took it on. Just before the book was going to be published they went bankrupt. I got the manuscript back with a note saying sorry we wanted to help you but we just went out of business.

This was my introduction in the world of writing. Oh my Lord, I was devastated. But I persevered and found out about the world of self publishing and in 1996 my first book  “Phoenix Soul: One Man’s Search for Love & Inner Peace” was published.

I thought for sure it was going to be a number one bestseller. And while we did really well with sales we came nowhere near getting any national recognition like that.

We did get some huge endorsements from people like the actress Jenna Elfman, which obviously helped put me on the map as a writer, but it wasn’t what I had intended. I wanted a number one best-selling book.

I continued to write and release more books over the next 21 years. Every book I released, all nine of them, I envisioned to be a number one bestseller. I invested so much time, money and effort to no avail. The books coming out were doing OK with sales but none of them hitting the level I had envisioned 21 years earlier.

And this is the story of discipline, perseverance, persistence. It doesn’t guarantee that you’re going to be super successful but without these three attributes we don’t have a chance to change our lives or the lives of others around us.

And finally, after writing nine books and taking 20 years plus to get the nine books out, we hit a number one bestseller!

That book “Positive Thinking Will Never Change Your Life But This Book Will… The myth of positive thinking, the reality of success” took off and created the end result of all of my hard work, dreaming, discipline, persistence and more.

This is been such a huge lesson for me in life in general. I can be very impatient. How about you? With your weight loss? Money goals? Love goals? It’s so easy to be so damn impatient.

But the whole message of this story is to never give up. You never know when you’re going to run into that perfect individual for you for a long term relationship if that’s what you want. You never know when it comes to losing weight when you’re finally going to reach that space in life where you decide to give it your all. The same with sobriety.

I have found along the way that one of the greatest aids is to make sure you have accountability professionals, coaches, counselors, publicist, personal trainers, financial advisors… The list goes on and on.

Don’t try to achieve huge goals on your own. No one before us has basically done that. Almost everyone I’ve interviewed who has been super successful in life has had accountability partners and more to help them succeed when they feel like giving up. And was it worth it waiting 21 years to get a number one best-selling book? Hell yes! I wouldn’t believe I’d be saying that 21 years ago, but today I can tell you it’s been amazing.

The new people I’ve met, either readers of the book who emailed us, or even people like celebrity Jenny McCarthy. I never would’ve had a chance to meet and be on her show so many times without a number one best-selling book.

I want you to have the same attitude, persistence, perseverance and discipline. You are worth your goals. And if I can help you, email us through our website www.davidessel.com. It’s never too late. Remember that. It’s never too late.”

 

Healing Stories: “My New Business Was Failing…And Then I Did This.”

Healing Stories: “My New Business Was Failing…And Then I Did This.”

Every year in the United States alone millions of people begin to follow the American dream. To own their own business.

For years statistics have told us that it takes anywhere from 3 to 5 years to create a successful business from scratch. But the percentage of businesses that make it big are small compared to the numbers that go under .

For the past 27 years, number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped thousands of people to create successful businesses. He’s helped another thousand or more to resurrect their business when it was on the brink of failure.

The story that follows is one of those individuals David worked with, who had all the intentions in the world of creating a successful business, but was about to close it’s doors after only 30 days of being open.

” I remember the call as if it was yesterday. Someone, who I knew very closely, had opened a business with high expectations but 30 days into the business they were failing. Big time. He shared with me that he might have to close the doors. That he had taken an ad out in the local phone book, this is way before the Internet, and his phone was not ringing at all.

I asked him what other steps he had done regarding that working? Cold calls? Visiting other businesses?

His answer was really typical of a brand new business owner… “I think I told you, I took an ad out in the phonebook and I thought that’s all I would need to do.”

And this is what a lot of business owners, new business owners, do. They believe, only because they haven’t had the experience, that as long as they have ads out somewhere, local paper, nowadays we could say local ads on social media… That the business will just begin to grow.

I understand that mindset because 37 years ago when I opened my first business I had the same belief system. That if you do something good people should just come.

It’s not that easy… As we find out the longer we try to stay in business.

So I asked him if he was willing to work really hard for the next 90 days and that if he did what I recommended I thought he could probably pull his business out of the dumpster and get it heading full steam down hill where he could be successful for a very long period of time. The only catch was, I told him, he would have to do some things that were really uncomfortable.

Many times when people’s backs are against the wall we will eventually, hopefully, do things that we would rather not do on a daily basis to create great success.

He agreed. So I told him I wanted him to map out the various strip malls in his area. He had a brand new fax machine repair business and I wanted him to pull into a strip mall every day and walk into the doors of a minimal of 10 business as a starting point .

You could’ve heard a pin drop after I made that recommendation. LOL. Which is very very normal. Cold calling sucks. It’s hard. Because of the potential rejection, which can go up to 95%, most of us will do anything in the world other than cold call on businesses.

After the silence he said yes he would. And I told him that what I would do is when he got to the strip mall to call me and I would take him through a series of mental exercises to prepare him for what he was about to run into. Whether it was a buzz saw rejection, or someone with a smiling face, he had to have the same demeanor.

The first couple weeks of doing this was absolutely Hell he told me. But after that there was a shift in his perspective. And this is normal of anytime we try to do something new. When we are going to face rejection 95% of the time, who the hell wants to do that?

But he did it anyway. And eventually, after one year in business, he was seeing and reaping the benefits of his hard work.

24 years later, I am proud to say that my brother, Terry Essel, has created an incredibly successful office machine and toner business. He never gave up. He did the uncomfortable. Driving into a new strip mall every day, going to do 10 to 12 businesses every day, was the only way to save his business and he did it.

His business, called www.thetonerkings.com, has saved people up to 60% off of toners for everything from home office equipment to large multi function machines in major corporations for people from all over the world.

His contract with large hospitals and more has allowed him to create the life he’s always wanted to create. He has time to enjoy life while continuing to grow the business.

I am so proud of him because he’s an example of what I’ve been teaching for over 27 years. That if you want great success with your attitude, money, body, recovery, or relationships you’ve got to work your butt off. Positive thinking will never do it alone. He is the perfect example of someone who was willing to dive into the fire, to create a successful business that he’s always wanted.

If I can help you, contact me at www.davidessel.com and we will work together to take your business to the next level.”