Healing Stories: A Transgendered Teen Finds Peace
Life is hard. Life is challenging for everyone. And to come to the realization that you may not be connected to the gender or sex that you were born into is an incredibly challenging experience for everyone.
Number one best-selling author, Counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has a story to share about one teenager he worked with the could open our eyes to the challenges faced by these individuals.
“She came in looking for help because her mom was tired of her depression. Her dad had continued to look the other way and whenever his wife would say I think our girl is struggling with depression he would just give a very simple answer that all teenagers struggle like our girl struggles.
But this young girl, a senior in high school, felt something was amiss her entire life. She had no interest in wearing dresses. She had no interest in being part of girl talk, or a clique, or a gossip group from elementary school through junior high through high school.
She had always felt different. But she couldn’t explain what the difference was. She was drawn to jeans, sneakers, skateboards, fishing, even blowing up glass bottles with firecrackers. Not the normal type of behavior of a young girl according to society.
At our first session she was very quiet, despondent, sullen. I asked just general questions about depression, anxiety, her friends, or lack of friends, and she started to express towards the end of the session a need to talk about something very important. As our time ran out that day, I told her that I would make more time with her next week if she needed more than an hour in our session. Her eyes lit up! She was so excited to come back the next week and said that she wanted to talk about things that were hard to talk about. I told her I was there for her.
The next week we started talking about her depression again. How she didn’t like school and didn’t really want to go to school. The list went on and on.
And then about halfway through the session she looked at me and said, “Mr. David, I’m not a normal girl. I don’t know how to say this other than I am a boy. I’m trapped in a girls body Mr. David, but I am a boy.”
It all made sense in an instant. I was sitting in front of a young transgendered girl who knew she was a boy. Do you know how difficult that would be? To be born of a certain sex and gender and yet know in your heart and soul that that’s not who you are?
Within the next several weeks her attitude improved dramatically. She was actually fun in our sessions. Her mom and dad had contacted me on the phone and asked me what magic I was pulling with their daughter and that she was a totally different girl at home.
They said that she still had depressive episodes, but that 50% of the time she was lighthearted. Something they hadn’t seen in over 10 years.
After several weeks of working together she told her mom and dad that she would be no longer wearing make up. That her real interest, skateboarding, fishing and more we’re going to become a bigger part of her life.
Her parents were upset at first, and when they came in, I talked to them about the potential reality that their daughter was a transgendered youth. I asked them to do research. I pointed them in directions to organizations where they could learn more about this potential reality with their little girl. It was very, very hard for the parents to understand and the father wanted to shut down constantly.
He was withdrawing from his little girl, we could see it in his eyes, and all I could do is encourage him to be open-minded. His daughter could sense a huge shift in him as well and one day in our session she told me that there was nothing she could do about it. “I am born in a woman’s body but I’m a boy and somehow I hope my mom and dad will come to the realization and accept me for who I really am.”
The last time I saw her the depression has lifted almost 100%. She’d become more confident. More grounded. I have shared with her different organizations to join and more experts and professionals to get in contact with so that she could see that this, her new life, could offer her both extreme challenges and yet at the same time inner peace .
I miss working with her. She, on her way to becoming a he, was brave, real, and one of the most lovable individuals I’ve ever met. I hope the world accepts her as she is starting to accepts herself.”
If there is any situation in life, that you need help with, reach out to David at www.davidessel.com. Today is the best day to do so.
Read more stories like this in David’s number one best-selling book
Healing Stories: Finances – From Dead Broke to Financially Free.
Carrying financial debt is probably one of the most incredible stressors that we can face on a daily basis. But the truth is we don’t have to live this way if you’re willing to change our approach to income, expenses and debt .
For the last 27 years, counselor, life coach, radio host and number one best-selling author David Essel has helped thousands of people to shatter financial stress in order to lead a healthier and more productive life.
The story below is one of David’s clients who came to him totally stressed about her life in general and at the end of their work together found financial freedom in a most interesting way.
“I’ll never forget the first session with Angela from the west coast of the United States, as she went on sharing with me about how stressful her life was. She wanted me to help her with organization as her house was a mess, relationship in turmoil, even her work… The list went on and on.
Within a few weeks though it was evident that there was one thing in her life that was really causing 90% of her turmoil. It had to do with her income. It was so low that no matter how much she tried to watch her expenses she could never make ends meet.
(Now as a sidenote in teaching my course, Financial Freedom Now, I can tell you that there’s only a small percentage of people who are struggling financially where it’s their lack of income that’s the number one problem. For most people their real struggle is their daily, weekly and monthly expenses that they’re not paying close enough attention to. In other words, they’re buying whatever they want when they want to even if it’s not within their budget.)
Angela’s situation was quite different. She had a high school diploma, was working in a bank, making minimum wage and it wasn’t enough at all for her to even cover her monthly bills.
Now this part is shocking. After our initial few sessions she asked me what would it take in order for her to turn her life around. And I said quite honestly it would take 90 days of working with me five days a week and your financial situation would radically improve!
Now she didn’t know what to do. Her friends and family said do not pay this coach, this financial counselor, any money where you’re going to work with him that much. You don’t have the money. It’s too expensive. It will never work.
But for some reason Angela believed in what I said. She signed up. We talked five days a week for 90 straight days! She would get up at 4:30 in the morning her time to do our sessions. Then at the end of working nine hour days, she would put two hours every night Monday through Friday into doing the homework I gave her, helping her to search for a new job.
She worked her butt off. She did more in 90 days than most people do in two years when they’re trying to turn their financial situation around. No matter what I asked her, how many people to contact, how many emails to send out, how many job interviews to go on she never said no.
And the end result? In 90 days, she was offered a job at double her income! And a few days later? She got another job even offering her more money!
But, and this is a big but, she did the work, I must repeat this, that most people won’t do. If you’re serious about changing your financial situation follow Angela’s role and do those things that you’d rather not do.
Get outside of your comfort zone.
Hire someone, whether it’s me or someone else, to teach you about budgeting. About decreasing expenses. So many people I’ve worked with have told me that there’s no way they can decrease their expenses but three weeks into the program they look at me shaking their head thinking oh my Lord! I can cut here, and here, and here… And my stress is already reducing.
If you’re tired of worrying about money contact me and we will take you through our Financial Freedom Now course and you will absolutely love it. Information is available, underneath our specialty courses link, at www.davidessel.com
Healing Stories: Persistence – Never give up! It took me 21 years to get this…
In our current world instant gratification is everything. It seems that if we don’t get what we want out of love, a weight loss program, a financial goal, within a very short period of time many of us just give up. And it was not always like this. If we look back to even 50 years ago it seemed the people had a hell of a lot more persistence and determination than we do today.
Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped thousands of people over the last 27 years understand the power of persistence.
It’s not sexy. It’s not what many people want to hear. But if we can hold onto the power of discipline, persistence, and dedication so many of our goals are achievable, it just might not be on the timeline we had hoped.
Below is a story that David shares, about one area of his career, that took him 21 years of dedication to accomplish. If you’re willing to fight for your goals you can achieve almost anything.
“As a kid I was a jock. An athlete. All the way through college. I was encouraged along the way to continue to follow the world of athletics, after my playing days were done, by becoming a professional in the world of health and fitness and then working with athletes in the world of mental fitness and sports psychology.
Around 1990 I hit a major block. I went into a deep depression that was partially caused by my addiction to alcohol and drugs.
And even though I was very successful in the world of motivation, health and everything that would be on the opposite side of alcohol and drugs, I had fallen into the trap of using substances to try to deal with the ups and downs in life instead of learning how to deal with the ups and downs of life.
It was during this year that I started to write about emotions. For some reason they came out in poems and other forms of free style writing.
A friend came to visit one day and while I was in the shower she started reading through one of my many folders filled with these writings about loss, addiction, fear, insecurity and more.
When I came out of the shower she was holding this folder and looked up at me with tears in her eyes. “David, this needs to become a book. These are not just your feelings. Everyone could benefit by reading this because we all go through this in various stages of life, the stress, you’re writing about in this book.”
Book? I wasn’t talented enough to write a book were the first thoughts that went through my mind.
But I continued to write. Within another couple of years I had over 300 writings that I minimized down to 150 of my best writings. I decided to find a publisher to see if I could make this a success.
Within a short period of time I found a small publisher in the Northeast that loved the book . They took it on. Just before the book was going to be published they went bankrupt. I got the manuscript back with a note saying sorry we wanted to help you but we just went out of business.
This was my introduction in the world of writing. Oh my Lord, I was devastated. But I persevered and found out about the world of self publishing and in 1996 my first book “Phoenix Soul: One Man’s Search for Love & Inner Peace” was published.
I thought for sure it was going to be a number one bestseller. And while we did really well with sales we came nowhere near getting any national recognition like that.
We did get some huge endorsements from people like the actress Jenna Elfman, which obviously helped put me on the map as a writer, but it wasn’t what I had intended. I wanted a number one best-selling book.
I continued to write and release more books over the next 21 years. Every book I released, all nine of them, I envisioned to be a number one bestseller. I invested so much time, money and effort to no avail. The books coming out were doing OK with sales but none of them hitting the level I had envisioned 21 years earlier.
And this is the story of discipline, perseverance, persistence. It doesn’t guarantee that you’re going to be super successful but without these three attributes we don’t have a chance to change our lives or the lives of others around us.
And finally, after writing nine books and taking 20 years plus to get the nine books out, we hit a number one bestseller!
That book “Positive Thinking Will Never Change Your Life But This Book Will… The myth of positive thinking, the reality of success” took off and created the end result of all of my hard work, dreaming, discipline, persistence and more.
This is been such a huge lesson for me in life in general. I can be very impatient. How about you? With your weight loss? Money goals? Love goals? It’s so easy to be so damn impatient.
But the whole message of this story is to never give up. You never know when you’re going to run into that perfect individual for you for a long term relationship if that’s what you want. You never know when it comes to losing weight when you’re finally going to reach that space in life where you decide to give it your all. The same with sobriety.
I have found along the way that one of the greatest aids is to make sure you have accountability professionals, coaches, counselors, publicist, personal trainers, financial advisors… The list goes on and on.
Don’t try to achieve huge goals on your own. No one before us has basically done that. Almost everyone I’ve interviewed who has been super successful in life has had accountability partners and more to help them succeed when they feel like giving up. And was it worth it waiting 21 years to get a number one best-selling book? Hell yes! I wouldn’t believe I’d be saying that 21 years ago, but today I can tell you it’s been amazing.
The new people I’ve met, either readers of the book who emailed us, or even people like celebrity Jenny McCarthy. I never would’ve had a chance to meet and be on her show so many times without a number one best-selling book.
I want you to have the same attitude, persistence, perseverance and discipline. You are worth your goals. And if I can help you, email us through our website www.davidessel.com. It’s never too late. Remember that. It’s never too late.”