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Healing Stories: “How Do We Change The Way We Think?” An Interview With David Essel



Kamala Chambers: On this episode, we’re going to be talking about what’s missing from the power of positive thinking and achieving success when you change the way you think.

Today, we are here with the man whom Jenny McCarthy calls the new leader of the positive thinking movement, David Essel.
He is a best-selling author, a radio host, a master coach, and an inspirational speaker, and we’re thrilled to have him here.

Luis Congdon: All right, Thriving launchers, we’re here with David Essel. We’re excited to have you here on the show.
David, are you ready to launch?

David Essel: Luis, Kamala, I am more than ready! I’ve been waiting for you guys! I’ve been waiting ever since this was appointed, and we’re going to kick butt today.

Luis Congdon: One of the things I love about your work is it synchronizes with something I’m working on currently with one of my coaches which are about how to change the way you think, and I love it.

It’s funny because for some reason I looked up here, which typically, I stare right at my microphone. I looked up, and I saw this book, The Magic of Thinking Big. That’s a very well-known book.

You have a book that came out not that long ago talking about the myth of positive thinking and how important it is to change the way you think.

I’m curious. Your previous work was all about positive thinking and the secret comes out. You’ve got people like Shakti Gawain, who’s been out for a long time, and they’re all about visualization, and “think your way positive into things,” and you’re saying, “Hey, wait. That’s not the whole formula.”

What is the missing piece then? If positive thinking is only a piece of it, what’s missing?

To Have Success, Change The Way You Think

David Essel: Luis, Kamala, the reality of success, if it was simple that we could visualize the Mazzaroth if we could visualize the million dollar home, and put it in a box, and put it in storage, and five years later, somehow magically turned into that house. We would all be different right now. You guys wouldn’t have a podcast. I wouldn’t be a counselor and a coach.

Kamala Chambers: It’s true.

David Essel: There would be not one darn thing needed in this world if that stuff works.

I’m going to make a reference to Gandhi. I love his life story, and a lot of people don’t know his story. Just like a lot of people have never read enough about Nelson Mandela to know his background. He was a terrorist for God sake. He was a peace abiding attorney turned terrorist. He didn’t go to prison because he was a choir boy for 27 years, and Gandhi has a similar background.

Change The Way You Think About Some Beliefs

David Essel: I’m going to make an analogy to my beliefs system changing regarding positive thinking and being able to change the way you think with Gandhi.

When Gandhi came back to India to revolutionize the country hopefully, and to try to find a peaceful separation from British rule, there was a period where he was encouraging Indians to pick up rifles to stand next to their British counterparts as a team and union, and any dissenters to fire when needed. That’s a pretty radical different Gandhi that a lot of people think of Gandhi.

After Gandhi was on this mantra of “Take up your arms and be with our brother British citizens,” He found one day that he was wrong. Just like Nelson Mandela in prison realized he was wrong.

David Essel realized he was wrong after 16 years of preaching the insanity that’s out there still today, which whatever you believe you can achieve, and thoughts become things, and the universe is conspiring to meet your needs. And guys, it’s all a bunch of crap.

You Are Welcome To Change The Way You Think

Luis Congdon: And David, I know you’re about to say something powerful, but Thriving Launchers, I just want to affirm something I’m already getting out of this, and I think is powerful. It is you’re welcome to change the way you think. You’re welcome to have breakthroughs.

You don’t have to stick with something and think it’s the Holy Grail and become brittle with that mindset. David has changed. Gandhi changed. Malcolm X is another great example of somebody that changed. Freud also had a huge revelation about being able to change the way you think.

Thriving Launchers, just let this be one of the first lessons that we take away from today’s show. It is that you can change an. You can change the way you think. You can have a transformation, and what was your bible can change and become something new.
Go ahead and continue there.

Entrepreneurs, You Should Change The Way You Think, Drop Your Old Beliefs And Pick New Ones

David Essel: If you’re an entrepreneur, you should regularly be changing. You should be dropping your old beliefs and picking up new ones.

There’s nothing in this world that isn’t ever changing, and if you’re not changing as an entrepreneur on a regular basis, you’re behind the eight-ball.

Change The Way You Think To Be A Leader

David Essel: You become a parrot. You become a follower. You might think that you’re a leader, but if you’re not changing your beliefs, and challenging yourself to do things bigger, better, stronger, faster, then you’re behind the eight ball, and I was behind the eight ball.

My early mentors who I love to death and still praise to this day, the late Wayne Dyer, who I dedicated our new book on The Myth Of Positive Thinking too, believe it or not.

David Essel Change The Way You Think Thriving Launch Podcast

Kamala Chambers: Oh, wow!

David Essel: Also, Ram Dass, one of my earliest teachers in the 80’s. These people, I was parroting them, guys. I was doing my very  best, but I was parroting, and that’s what most of us do.

Change The Way You Think About Entrepreneurs Who Makes Radical Mistakes

David Essel: Richard Branson is not a parrot. We need to look at some of these persons who are real entrepreneurs and realized that they make radical mistakes.

If I go back to my story, Richard Branson, when they came out with Virgin Cola, Oh my God, did they get tanked. Pepsi and Coca-Cola, when they found out he was trying to do this, they came and shot him down.

What he did was he raised his hand and said, “Wow. I was wrong,” like “That’s not where we should have gone,” but he tried.

Change The Way You Think To Realize Your Mistakes

David Essel: They tried Virgin condoms. I don’t know guys if you ever heard about that but talk about an oxymoron. Then, he found out that was a mistake, and he said, “Oh my God. I’m sorry.”

David Essel on the show is saying “I was wrong,” From 1980 to 1996. I’d travel the world speaking in front of 5,000 people, saying “Whatever you believe you can achieve, and your thoughts become things,” and all this kind of stuff.

At 1996, I had this biggest smack in the bite. A guy who was one of the most brilliant guru teachers the ever walk the face of this earth, he’s no longer with us. He’s the founder of transcendental meditation, and his name is Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
Maharishi chose a radio as the only United States out lid in 1996 to celebrate the 40th anniversary of TM or Transcendental Meditation. Through a story that we tell and detail in my book, I’ll just share the snippet of it right here, he woke me up and showed me.

Change The Way You Think And Believe In The Power Of The Mind

David Essel: Now, here is a guy that believes in the power of the mind, and believes apparently in the power of meditation, prayer, and everything else. He snapped me into the reality of how important it is to change the way you think.

This is how it happened.

For 25 years, I was using this affirmation every morning, and I said it with power and energy, I was trained by the guru of all gurus in meditation, and in affirmations. It went like this, “I am a child of God happy, healthy, and sober today.” And I would clap my hands, get out of bed, and go put in another 12 hours, and at eight o’clock every night for more than 25 years, I drank myself to sleep.

Look At What You Do And See If It Has Changed The Way You Think

David Essel: I was a motivational speaker, counselor, coach, and author back then in these days. I was doing everything I’m doing now, and Maharishi woke me up to this reality.

If an affirmation like that was going to work, I think 25 years was enough experience to see if it would work or not. It didn’t work. What worked was me looking in the mirror.

In 1996, Tuesday afternoon at 2:30, coming out of another bench, looking in the mirror and saying, “David Essel, you have no joy.” That was a major wake-up call. That was the first realization that the power of the mind and being able to change the way think is powerful.

The Power Of Visualization To Change The Way You Think

David Essel: Denis Waitley, I’ve been on stage with him. He taught me the power of visualization back in the 80’s. He’s the guy that taught the Olympic athletes, and the astronaut’s visualization.

But here’s the thing. We take snippets of society as reality without the truth behind them.

Jim Carrey has come out recently and said, “Hold on guys. You’re taking my story about the 10 million dollar check that I put in my wallet when I was broke as if that’s what created the 10 million dollar check.” He said, “How ridiculous!” This was on social media the other day.

Change The Way You Think And Work Your Butt Off To Achieve What You Want

David Essel:Jim said, “How ridiculous is that for people to think that you can write a check for a significant amount of money, kick back, and have it come to you.” He said, “I worked my butt off to earn those 10 million dollars,” and he’s trying to set the record straight.

With our new book guys, what we’ve done is we’ve come full circle and said, “You know what? I was wrong. I am sorry. I was parroting. I was doing everything that I’m encouraging entrepreneurs not to do anymore.”

Change The Way You Think And Your Stands To Help Others

David Essel: But then, I didn’t just say I was wrong. I went out and got six New York Times best-selling authors that I’m friends with, and I’ve interviewed numerous times. I got another six people that have come from places like homelessness to become a multi trillionaire, and a woman whose six-year-old son was murdered and she forgave the killer.

I brought these people into the book, and I have them share their stories about how at one time, they also used to preach “You can believe and achieve what you think.” And now, they’ve changed their stands, and now we’re all speaking the same tune which is about to change the way you think constantly.

Create A Powerful Life When You Change The Way You Think

Kamala Chambers: What I appreciate is you shared that pivotal moment where you said to yourself you have no joy.
There’s something so powerful about being willing to embrace our darkness and shadow. Only if we can accept and embrace those parts of ourselves, then we stop maybe “spiritually bypassing.” It’s a word that some people use for that, and just “I’m just going to think myself into where I want.”

Positivity And Action To Change The Way You Think

Kamala Chambers: You’re talking about such important things. You’re talking about positivity but not only that, but also action, and emerging that together.

Just as a side note, I love that it was a transcendental meditator that led you there. That’s kind of how I got my name is. It’s because my parents are transcendental meditators. I love that part of your story. I’m a white girl, and I have a Sanskrit name.

David Essel: Kamala that is beautiful. I love it.

If in the years 27 years of being on the radio, when I look back at every person I’ve interviewed, the late Wayne Dyer, Deepak, Suze Orman, Marianne Williamson, Don Miguel Ruiz, the list goes on and on. Keith Mitchell, a former NFL all-pro linebacker who’s paralyzed, and now, is one of the leading Yoga gurus in the world today.

Change The Way You Think And Work Hard To Sell Books

David Essel: When I interviewed all these people, even though they may speak the words “instant manifestations” and all that nonsense, the reality is, not one of them guys, over the years ever said to me that they created their million selling books by visualizing them or affirming them. Or they saved their marriage after an affair through visualization or energy work.

I’m not saying that affirmations, energy work, visualization aren’t good. Of course, they’re all tools but every one of them if put on the stand today would say they worked their butts off.

The missing ingredient in the world of positive thinking is this very thing.

Change The Way You Think About The Law Of Attraction And The Secret

David Essel: In our book, we even explain psychologically why the secret, the law of attraction, infomercials, and lottery tickets are all the same gig?

Everything I just mentioned, the secret, lottery tickets, infomercials, and the law of attraction say you can achieve great things with minimal effort. That’s how The Secret sold, and I’m bringing The Secret up because it’s well known. 20% of it is excellent. That 20% that’s awesome is the stories that are fun.

Dr. Joe Vitale, who was one of the stars of The Secret, when I had him on my radio show, I said, “Joe, I want just to ask you this quick question. In the book, it tells me you went from homeless to a millionaire, imagining checks coming in the mail and some other propaganda visualization stuff. If that’s all you did, please, tell me that affirmation. Please tell me that visualization.” And he was laughing on the air.

Change The Way You Think About How People Go From Homeless To Millionaire

David Essel: He said, “David, they left out the meat of the work.” and for Joe to go from homeless to a millionaire, he shared with us on the show that he works seven days a week, 12 hour days for years to become a millionaire before The Secret mentioned him.

What they did in the book was they took the real fascinating. They took the Jim Carrey and Joe Vitale and made it into a soundbite, but they left out how hard he worked to make it happen.

In my book, we described this as something that weak, and I thank Maharishi for enlightening and awakening me at that moment because right after then in 1996, we created Life Coach Universe, which is our training organization to train people who want to become life coaches.

Change The Way You Think About How You Can Get The Most Out Of Life

David Essel: One of the things we teach them is something called “human nature.” The definition we created of human nature back in 1996 is this, “It is our desire to get the most out of life with minimal effort.” That is running the show.

Most of us, if we’re given an option of buying a pill for 19.95/month, that we could have anybody we want, we’d probably buy the pill. If we were given an opportunity purchase a pill to become millionaires, we probably would all pay for the pill.

The desire to get the most out of life with minimal effort is what creates huge success for infomercials.

They give the Suzanne Somers, ThighMaster. They showed Susan’s and the models’ incredible body and they go, “God! Just watch TV. Put this thing between your legs.” 19.95 for a month or a year of whatever it is. That’s not real, but it sells.

That’s that happen with the secret and law of attraction. They proposed to us this is how you get the most out of life with minimal effort. Who doesn’t want that?

Change The Way You Think And Go Back To Reality

David Essel: Our book came out and said 20% of what those guys say is 100% accurate. 80% is not so let’s come back to reality.

Kamala Chambers: Let’s talk about that reality a little bit because there are a lot of pieces I’ve found success with. It’s embracing the darkness as we talked about. It’s taking action and also knowing what you want.

Change The Way You Think About Passion

Kamala Chambers: For me, a big part of it is having the passion behind it because if I don’t have the passion, then I don’t have the motivation to make it happen.

We’ve had guests on, and they say “It’s not about passion. It’s a big motivator for me.” But I would love to hear what your success principles that you’re bringing forward that are radically different are.

David Essel: Luis and Kamala, number one is if you haven’t achieved what you want with your body, your money, your love life, your career, your business, your spiritual path, by now on your own, you never will.

Change The Way You Think And Have An Accountability Partner

David Essel: We believe that we just need the next great course or the next great book. What we need is the next great accountability partner that’s going to kick our butt, Kamala. That’s what we need.

We need someone that’s going to hold our feet to the fire that’s going to set us up for success and isn’t going to let us get away with justification, rationalization and denial of why this program won’t work for me because I’m a Virgo, I’m a millennial, or whatever.
We need to someone who’s going to be serious with us. That’s number one.

David Essel Change The Way You Think Thriving Launch Podcast

David Essel: I’ve got a great story. I’m going to tell you about Harv Eker in a second.

That’s number one. You have to invest time, money, and effort into you.

Yes, you may have to scrounge if you don’t have a lot of money. Yes, you may have to do 15-minute coaching sessions or 30-minute counseling sessions or 30-minute business consultations, whatever you can afford. But if it is a big goal, don’t rely on you. If you could have done it, you would have done it already.

Change The Way You Think And Set Up An Action Plan On A Daily Basis

David Essel: Number two is you’ve got to set up an action plan on a regular basis, a minimum of five days a week to accomplish a big goal. You have to prioritize your tasks by doing those things first thing in the morning that you would rather not do.

When I look at the secret sauce of success, it’s an accountability coach, counselor, personal trainer, whatever the gig is, you need to someone beside you. That’s number one.

Change The Way You Think And Do Things You Can’t Stand First

David Essel: Number two is you’ve got to get into the habit of delaying instant gratification and doing the stuff you can’t stand first.

In 1996, my mentor, Joe Cirulli, who went from homeless to a multi trillionaire, we met at a conference, and we became friends, and I asked him to be my mentor. He said yes, and I showed him my action plan, and he goes, “You’ve got it all wrong, David.”

It’s because I had 25 things on my action list, 20 of them exed-out and the five carryovers. I had postponed for a couple of weeks.

He’s looking at this going “These same things are being carried over. Why?” I said, “Honestly, I hate that kind of work.”

Whether it’s social media or networking you don’t want to do, or you’re not good at asking for the sale, or you’re not good at promotions, you got to do that first thing in the morning.

Whatever you’re not good at, you got to do that first thing in the morning.

Be A Different Person When You Change The Way You Think

David Essel: If I just stop right here and we just ended with those tips and this audience, if they follow this advice, will rock their world and be a different person 365 days from now.

Luis Congdon: I think that’s amazing and I’m looking forward to hearing the story about T Harv Eker who was also a guest on our show.

David Essel: Oh god! I love it when I get humbled on these shows with you guys.

Change The Way You Think With The Secrets Of The Millionaire Mind

David Essel:  I’m trying to think when the Secrets of the Millionaire Mind came out. It was probably seven or eight years ago. At that time and it still could be, it was the fastest personal growth book ever to hit New York Times best-seller, and I think it did it in 24 hours or 36 hours. Harv had it set up. He knew what he was doing marketing wise.

The minute the book came out, we had them on the show. During the show, I kept saying to him “Harv, I love the book. I want to hire you as my business coach.” He was laughing and just said “David, we’ll talk about it later.” So I’d ask him another question. I go “Hey, Harv. How about you become my coach?”

After I asked him about four times, finally on the air, he goes “Oh my god, do I have to say Yes?” I go “Yup!” He goes, “Okay. I’ll be your coach. We’ll talk about it afterward.”

The Wake Up Call To Change The Way You Think

David Essel:  We get off the air, and I said, “Hey, I’m serious.” We set up a time. I gave him a call, and he said: “What’s your goal?” I said, “To double my income in 12 months.” He asked me what my income was and he goes “In 12 months, you want to double that?” I go “Yeah.” He goes “That’s a huge goal.” I said “Yeah. That’s what I’m all about.” He goes, “When did you set that purpose originally?” I said, “Two years ago.” He said, “Have you done everything possible in the last two years to make that happen?” I said “Absolutely.”

He goes, “Okay. Here’s my first tip to you. You’re in denial.” I said, “What are you talking about?” He said, “David, if you have that goal for two years, and you haven’t achieved it, you haven’t done everything possible. Yes, it’s a big goal, but you should have reached it by now.”

That was the first wake up call. He said I was in denial.

Change The Way You Think To Interrupt The Pattern

David Essel: Do you guys see a pattern here?

Kamala Chambers: Oh, yeah.

David Essel: I love it.

Kamala Chambers: It’s kind of what we end up going through as people. You repeat these patterns over and over again if you don’t change the way you think.

David Essel: Absolutely.

The first thing is, he’s blowing my mind that I have to admit I’m in denial. He made me accept it. I said, “All right. I’m in denial.”

Change The Way You Think About Having A Coach

David Essel: Then, the second thing he said was, “Since that’s a financial goal, who’s your business coach?” I said “You.” He said, “No, no, no. Before me, who’s your business coach?” and I said, “Well, I haven’t had one in three years.” “Why did you stop having a business coach?” “Because we were shattering goals, and I didn’t think I needed one anymore.”

“Mistake number two David. If you haven’t been able to do it on your own, you’re never going to do it on your own. You need a coach.”

I said, “How about you?” He goes, “No. I told you I would do this one. I don’t have time for this.” But he goes, “Let me refer you to people. You can talk to them. Either of them will be great.” The coach I chose of the two he gave me, I still work with today. How many years we’ve been together, right?

Change The Way You Think And Surround Yourself With People Who Are Better Than You

David Essel: I’ve got a lot of major wake up calls in my life. One of the blessings of surrounding yourself with individuals who are better than you, smarter than you, more successful than you, wiser than you, is that you get a chance to cut short on your mistake-laden life, and jump ahead of the teams by following people who already know what to do.

But, here’s something you have to understand, and this is what I tell all my counseling and coaching clients.

Change The Way You Think And Fully Surrender

David Essel: If you’re not willing to fully surrender to someone else’s program, you are delaying your opportunity for growth. – David Essel

We see a lot of people say, “Oh, okay. I’d like to work with you,” and then when you give them assignments, they go, “Oh, no, no, no. That’s not for me.” And that’s not surrendering.

To Change The Way You Think Is Uncomfortable

David Essel: You need to work with someone and when they ask you to do things that aren’t comfortable, just do it.

David Essel Change The Way You Think Thriving Launch Podcast

Kamala Chambers: I want to back up what you’re saying here because it is the most important thing I’ve ever done for my business. It is getting mentoring, getting support, and taking accountability. That is the biggest thing in podcasting.
But having the accountability is everything, right?

David Essel: Yeah.

Kamala Chambers: It makes it, so we have someone guiding us towards the goal.

I just want to share something that’s important to me that maybe some of you listeners can resonate with.

Change The Way You Think And Be Careful When Choosing A Mentor

Kamala Chambers: I have chosen wrong. I have picked the wrong guidance and the wrong mentoring. The things I found is look out for people who have huge promises or overly hyped things, and they’re not realistic with you up front. I think that’s a huge thing to look for in a mentor.

Also, I don’t mean to get on this level but trust your intuition. Luis and I hired people, and we’re like “Well, I don’t know about this about this person. I’m not sure. It doesn’t feel right.” We’ve lost a lot of time, money, and energy choosing wrong.

But I want to back up what you’re saying about choosing someone.

David Essel: Yeah.

Kamala, I want to throw something else out there. It maybe a little confusing for our audience but it’s something worthwhile to hold onto.

Change the Way You Think About Things That Don’t Feel Good To You

David Essel: Many teachers in the law of attraction say that if something doesn’t feel good, that means you’re off base.  Many times, that’s wrong. Many times, things that don’t feel good or don’t feel comfortable are good for us and our growth.

When I have people come to me, and I work with them on sobriety, well, there are a lot of things you do on sobriety that isn’t comfortable.

If I have people to take our financial freedom course, one of the things we do is we do a comprehensive documentation for 30 days of every penny spent, what it was spent on, and then we break it down into these other categories.

The hundreds of people that have taken the course, I haven’t had anyone say, “Oh my God! I’ve been waiting for this. I’ve been waiting for someone to make me write down every penny and what it’s for.” But, something’s feel uncomfortable, and they don’t feel
right, and they could be the best thing for us.

Now, backing up what you said about intuition.
If you’re working with someone who is condescending, who is holier than thou, who is righteous in their approach, and that doesn’t feel good, then I’ll say, follow your intuition because that isn’t a good match for you.

Change The Way You Think And Be Careful About Shying Away

David Essel: But be careful about shying away, and saying, “Well, I’m not a morning person and this person’s asking me to do something at this time.”

Be careful about what doesn’t feel right that might be perfect for you but crappy to do.

Kamala Chambers:I know that this conversation about the importance of being able to change the way you think could keep going for hours. You have so much to share with the Thriving Launchers, and we’re coming to a close here.

Before we go, I want to ask you. Is there any last gem, take away, or action step you want to leave the Thriving Launchers with that they can apply today about the importance of being able to change the way you think?

Change The Way You Think And Take Action Now

David Essel: I posted something on Facebook today, and it said this, “If I waited to get educated and to get a degree in broadcast journalism to write books, the nine books we have out right now would still be in my head.”

Luis Congdon: I love that.

That’s one of the things here Thriving Launchers is I want to back up today’s conversation with one of my favorite passages from a great book. Religion aside, the Bible is a fantastic book. It has a lot of great quotes in it, and one of the verses I love says, “Show me a man of action, and I will show you a man of faith.”

Change The Way You Think And Take Action To Declare You Have The Faith

Luis Congdon: The lesson from today parallels that because your faith, all your meditations, affirmations, and visualizations will only fully be backed up by your ability to then trust that the universe is supporting you, and go out there, and take the massive action to declare that you have the faith.

If you just have the faith, and you’re waiting and hoping, it’s probably not going to happen.

Another great story straight out of the Bible is the parting of the red sea. Now, you got to trust that you can walk through that sea and that sea is going to stay up for you to walk through.

Change The Way You Think And Trust That The Universe Is Supporting You

Luis Congdon: I encourage you guys to go out there. Thriving Launchers, go out there, believe that the universe is supporting you.

Just like you trust when you’re driving your car that you’re not going to hit somebody, that the car isn’t going to swerve out, or you’re walking down the sidewalk, and you’re trusting that a car isn’t going to hit you. I encourage you to take actions the same way.

If you’ve wanted to write a book or whatever it is, go out and take the steps necessary, and trust that your mentor’s coming to you, the right actions are coming to you.

But, you must first take that first step to say that I trust that my affirmations and my meditation, which is 20%, I am confident that the other 80% will be met through my action.

I leave you guys with that today. Thriving Launchers, go out there and stay thriving.

Thriving Launch by Kamala Chambers and Luis Congdon

Change The Way You Think – David Essel
Download This Episode

The Myth Of Positive Thinking – Book by David Essel
Life Coach Universe – David Essel’s website
Podcast Launch Guide – Start your own podcast
Grammarly – Our favorite tool for editing blogs, social media posts and any writing we do.
Rock Star – Book by David Essel

Healing Stories: Public Speaking “If you don’t do this you will lose your job”

Healing Stories “If you don’t do this you will lose your job”

Have you ever worked for a manager or a boss that came down on you one day and told you that if you didn’t master a certain part of the business you worked at you may not be employed there anymore?

Sometimes it’s new technology. Maybe a manager will come in the office and say everyone is going to be trained on a certain computer system, and if you’re insecure about computers, it might put the fear of God in you right now!

Or maybe public speaking… Which many people fear greater than the fear of dying. There are many people that when they’re told they have to do a presentation for the new position they freeze up. They become afraid. Anxiety rises. But if they want to keep their job how are they going to work through this anxiety?

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel, for the past 27 years has helped people to overcome their greatest fears in life… And allow them to feel the incredible increase of self-esteem and confidence once they master that area they’re afraid of.

Below, David shares the story of a female client he was working with, who was told by her boss one day that if she didn’t master the art of speaking in front of small groups of people he was going to have to let her go.

But he did throw her a bone. He said to her, however if you do master the art of presenting in front of people, I will guarantee you a raise in the very near future.

Let’s hear David’s side of the story.

“20 years ago I got a frantic call from a woman who was about to lose her job. She was petrified because her boss had just told her that, in her marketing position, one of the new responsibilities was going to be speaking in front of small groups of people.

This included tradeshows, where she would be behind the table promoting their products, and answering questions to people who came up interested in the potential of buying what she had to sell.

She told me she had never been more fearful in her whole life. That ever since she was a little kid she was shy. She loved marketing but did not enjoy sales. And now her boss was telling her that she had to not only understand marketing, but she had to become a sales person within the organization as well.

But she did tell me she had an option. She could take a demotion in the company, A huge decrease in her pay if she didn’t want to go and learn how to present publicly. Of course to her this wasn’t an option, but learning how to speak in public was nothing that she was excited about.

So I introduced her to my course on public speaking and public communication. I told her that if she showed up every week for our work together, and did the homework that I gave her, within a short 10 weeks the program would be over and she would be looking at a raise. She looked at me and said “you are by far the most positive person I have ever met because you don’t even know me and you think that you can turn me into a public speaker. Good luck!”

We had a good laugh together and then we got right to work. We examined her belief systems. We went back into her childhood and easily found the time she was embarrassed in her third-grade class when she stumbled over a reading assignment.  From that day forward she never wanted to speak in front of people again.

We also found out through our work by going back into her childhood, that her father was the same way. He was an accountant, and he never wanted to be in front of people speaking. He would do everything in his power to avoid social events, and business events where people expected him to talk about his role as the accountant of this large company.

So not only did she have a negative experience in third grade but she also had a role model that shared her fear of speaking in public.

I assured her that this was natural. That most people came to me to learn how to be a better communicator came from bad experiences in the past.

I told her I’ve walked this path 1000 times and I guaranteed her that we could see great success fairly quickly.

She was shocked at the end of the first session, when I gave her a small assignment to speak in my office, with my back turned towards her. She thought that was weird, but within five minutes she was doing this mini 60 second presentation in a very commanding voice and with more confidence than I thought she would have at the end of one session. The homework was a little tougher. She had to go home and write a 60 second speech about her company and rehearse it six times a day over the next six days until I saw her again.

Every week I worked with her we went into a new area of self-confidence and self-esteem. I taught her how to write short outlines, sort of like a little scripts, so that she had something to fall back to when she was speaking about her company.

I talked her about the importance of using props, small articles of information that she could hold up as she was speaking, to divert some of the attention from her so that she felt more comfortable in front of small groups.

We helped her destroy all limiting beliefs. Along with the props, I continue to help her work on outlines that would make her presentation so much easier to remember.

Like the four most important tips when it came to selling her products. Or the six most important keys that separated her products from all the other companies on the market that sold the same thing.

By week eight she was having a blast! I remember specifically on that day her looking at me after doing a seven minute presentation that was exceptional, she looked and said “David Essel I have no idea how you did this. You’re a miracle worker. I actually have had fun in this course and I can’t wait to show my boss everything I’ve learned.”

And it gets even better from here! At the end of the course she went into her bosses office and said she was ready to do the presentation. He shut the door and said have at it.

For the next 10 minutes she had him in the most amazing position ever. He kept shaking his head and smiling. At the end of it all he said “you’re not gonna have to worry about waiting for that raise it’s going to affect in 30 days. You’ve exceeded my expectations. Welcome as the director of marketing and sales for our company starting next month.”

And that’s very same day I got the most incredible email from her, thanking me profusely for helping her change. But the real work was done by her. She surrendered to the process. She did everything I asked her to do. And the end result? She not only saved her job, she walked through her own fears and insecurities, and in the process got an incredible raise and a new title with the company she had always loved working for.”

As David has shared over the 37 years of his work in the world of personal growth, and 27 years as a counselor and a coach, that we can overcome so many of our own insecurities on a more regular basis if we reach out for help, and invest more time, money, and effort into ourselves. See more info on David’s Art of Presenting and Public Speaking Course here…

If you need help, reach out to David today at

David Essel, marriage, relationship, abusive relationship, happy marriage, healthy relationships, how to save a relationship, David Essel, Positive Thinking Will NEVER Change Your Life…

Healing Stories: Relationships – Men Are All Dogs!

Healing Stories: Men Are All Dogs!

Relationships are either Hell on earth, or Heaven on earth. And depending upon your past experiences it’s very easy to fall victim to the belief that relationships should either be easy, effortless and rewarding or for the most part that all relationships simply suck.

What was the relationship of your mom and dad growing up? Or if you were raised in a single household, what did your mom teach you, or tell you about relationships? What did your dad teach you or tell you about relationships? Were they optimistic? Or negative?

Many of our beliefs come from childhood. What we saw in our own household, can implant a belief system in the subconscious mind about the positive or negative side of relationships.

For the past 27 years, number one best-selling author, counselor and life coach David Essel has been helping both men and women get really clear about how to create healthy relationships. He also specializes in helping people to even begin to understand if this time in their life is the right time to be engaged in any form of romantic love.

Unfortunately, many people are seeking love in this current day and time, when they aren’t mentally prepared to give love in return. Confused? Let’s have David share his own story of a client he worked with a number of years ago to make all of this perfectly clear.

Men Are All Dogs!

” In the mid 90s I got a phone call from a woman who lived on the west coast of the United States who had been a frequent listener to my radio show. She had heard me talk about creating deep love and was skeptical but hopeful at the same time that she might be able to do exactly that. She hired me to be her counselor and about 30 minutes into the first session I asked her about her belief systems regarding men. Were they trustworthy in her mind? Were they honest in her opinion? Within about 1.5 seconds she blurted out a line I’ll never forget.

“Men are all dogs David!”

The force that she used when she said those words were incredible. I had to let it sink in. And after I thought for a second I asked her why she felt so angry at men. Her forceful reply was filled with anger maybe even to the point of rage.

She went on to tell me that every man she ever dated had cheated on her. If not immediately within the first year of the relationship. She said it was simple, men are programmed to cheat, and lie, so finding someone to have a true partnership with would nearly be impossible in her life.

As we continued to work together over the weeks and months I started to throw little bones out there about how our beliefs sometimes create our reality. During one session she asked me to clarify what I had said. When I asked her what she thought I meant by that statement she said “don’t tell me to start thinking that if I change my beliefs I could attract great guys because there’s no such thing.”

I told her there was no rush.  That over time in doing all of the exercises in writing I was giving her that her beliefs would normally start to change. She doubted me. Which I totally understood.

We started then working on who she hung around without a weekly basis and more and more clues were coming to the surface. Every Friday night her and her best girlfriends would go to a few different local bars, hang together in a little clique, and look around at all “The men who were really dogs” in the bar.

A look at the ring finger where there might of been a white space, proving that this man was married but he was a dog out looking for sex.

They even had it down to what they believed was their own little perfect science. Together as a group they would rate men on their “doggedness” by the clothes they wore, the jewelry they wore, and even their haircut.

As she continued to share all this information with me I knew there was going to have to be some radical changes in her mind and her actions in order to get her to see that not all men were dogs.

So I challenged her. I asked her that instead of going out with the girls for drinks to judge men, to do something radically different for the next four Fridays. She was shocked. She kept telling me that this is what they do for fun. And I was able to show her that in her “fun night with the girls” she was actually embedding in her mind proof that men are all dogs.

At the end of four weeks of ceasing to go out with these girls her mind was starting to change.

At the same time I was having her do some written exercises to release her resentments against men. As well as resentments against her father, who was not faithful during the marriage to her mom. I was able to help her see where the beliefs that men are all dogs came from, and just maybe, why she was carrying that now into her late 30s in life.

It took about six months of working with her for all of this to change. And when it did she was an absolutely totally changed person!

And of course you know what’s going to happen next. As she changed her beliefs and her actions about men, she started to run into guys that were not dogs at all. That were trustworthy. That were nice. That were gentleman.

Another three months went by and then the miracle happened . She fell in love with a super great guy! She couldn’t wait to call me for a session and tell me all about this new love and through the work that she had done with me, by releasing her poor belief systems about men, she had actually attracted a really great guy.

During our very last session I remember her words. “David, I have a great job, my own house, a new car and now an amazing new man in my life. Thank you for opening my eyes about the power of belief systems and how I have been living underneath a rock for all these years.”

The change took time as you can see. And it was more than just trying to change her thoughts She had to change her actions too and eventually even change her friends. Was it worth it? Hell yes. And the same can happen to you.”

If you struggle with relationships, as David stated above, the best thing in the world to do is to start to evaluate where your beliefs came from, and how you might be ingraining these beliefs on a deeper level through your thoughts and actions as well.

Contact David for for one-on-one help with all your relationship goals…

If David can help you with changing any part of your life, feel free to contact him at