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Healing Stories: Online Dating? Never make these mistakes!

Online Dating? Never make these mistakes!

So, you’re ready for love. Or at least you think you are… So you jump online and join one of the many dating sites to find the love of your life.

Or you’re really hip, and you join a dating app like Tinder or Bumble or something very similar in search of your prince or princess.

But wait a minute! Are you really ready to do this online dating thing?

For the past 28 years, number one best-selling author, counselor and life coach David Essel has been helping thousands of people from around the world to get ready for love. To find that lasting love relationship that’s going to rock their world.

But he has several warnings for people who are looking to fall in love online.

Below are David’s four key dating mistakes that people make when they join an online relationship site.

Number one. “Are you really sure you’re ready for love? Are you still hurting from a past relationship? Are you still jaded against men or women because of the way you were treated in the past? Have you been out of a relationship less than three months?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, if you haven’t cleared up the past emotional baggage…Do not even think about joining an online site!

Too many people are looking for love, maybe not in the wrong places, but in the wrong mindset. And until you’re able to shift your beliefs and truly are able to let go of the past damage that has happened to you, or the past damage that you’ve inflicted on others, stay off of any dating site or app until you’ve cleared up the past.

A number of years ago a woman came to me who was fresh out of a relationship, jaded as hell against men, and wanted me to help her write a smashing profile for an online dating site. Within three weeks she saw the truth. She wasn’t ready at all. Thank God she took the time to continue to do the work to release her resentments against men, and when she was clear of the past, I helped her get online and find an amazing love relationship. The same can happen to you.

Number two. So you clear up your past. You get online. You meet a few people that you like. You get into a texting relationship. Too much texting will absolutely shoot down any serious potential relationship.

Several of my female clients that are looking to get into new relationships get very frustrated with men who only want to text back-and-forth and won’t even text talk on the phone. You can sound like a rockstar via texting but once you get on the phone and someone hears the tone of your voice, even if you speak in complete sentences, it’s a different world. Many women get frustrated with men who only want to text. It’s almost like they’re hiding something and the same thing goes for women.

It’s time to grow up, get mature, and get out of the fantasy land that texting creates if you’re ready to create a deep and loving relationship.

Number three. You have too many potential people you’re trying to get to know and you get confused, or call someone the wrong name, or get overwhelmed with the volume of people you’re interacting with and start slipping and forgetting to reply to them in a professional fashion.

We recommend that you narrow it down to only one or two people at a time that you’re trying to get to know to avoid making the mistakes of letting people slip through the cracks who could be great matches for you.

And remember this. Your reputation, in the world of dating, can get highly damaged if you’re one of those people that has two, four, or 10 individuals that you’re trying to get to know who become frustrated with your lack of attention. Slowdown.

Number four. If you have a sincere interest in someone, meet them as soon as possible in person. Once again, the world of texting becomes a fantasy land where we project who we want people to think we are and vice versa. If someone lives within a 2 hour drive from you meet them within seven days if it’s hot and heavy. I recommend to my clients to meet right away.

Listen it’s worth a 2 hour drive for lunch to see if who the person is presenting themself as, is the real deal. You can tell a lot within a short lunch. If you have chemistry, if they are courteous to the servers, and many other things will be exposed that can easily be hidden via texting and or phone calls.

You’ve got to put in the physical effort before it’s too late to see if they’re a great match. Thousands of people create this fantasy relationship in their head by staying on the phone and or texting then when they actually meet someone in person they see that they’re not a match at all.

The above tips are a starting point to find a great relationship. Read them again. Take them seriously. I have helped thousands of people avoid the trap of fantasy love and I want you to do the same thing.”

If you need help in the search for the love of your life visit David’s website and take a look at his many courses regarding relationships, codependency and love to give yourself the best shot at creating that divine union to carry with you for the rest of your life. Information at www.davidessel.com

Healing Stories: What is the Largest Addiction in the World? This might surprise you.

What is the Largest Addiction in the World? This might surprise you.

With the recent surge of opiate related deaths addiction is in the headlines once again.

For years, because of organizations like MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers), alcoholism has been outed from the acceptable social addiction that it still is to something that law enforcement has taken very seriously.

But what do you think the largest form of addiction is today?

For the past 28 years, number one best-selling author, Counselor and Life Coach David Essel has been a pioneer in the world of addiction recovery.

His work, which has broken new ground in addiction recovery, began because of his own addiction to multiple substances and behaviors that lead him on a search to be free for himself and then lead the way for millions of others.

“When I look back at my life, my addictions to alcohol and cocaine, which I carried for more than 25 years, have become the bedrock of my work in the world of addiction recovery.

And in 1996, when we released our holistic addiction recovery program, we shattered the old method of addiction recovery buy using brain chemistry supplementation and so much more that even today seems ground breaking, which is extremely unfortunate.

But the number one addiction in the world has nothing to do with substances. It has everything to do with relationships.

In 2002, when my work in the field of codependency hit an all-time high, I declared then as I do now that “codependency in relationships is the largest addiction in the world.”

Codependency has been around since the beginning of time, but even today, very few of us realize how insidious it is and how it destroys self confidence and self-esteem as well as our health, careers and of course relationships with lovers, children, friends, family members, coworkers, bosses and more.

Every week we take on new clients in my work as a counselor and life coach, and 50% of the new clients we take on are related to codependency and relationships.

Now, I will admit, 80% of those individuals have no idea when we start working together that their main issue is codependency. Some of them will come to me for financial help. Others will come to lose weight. Others will start working with me because they’re unhappy in their current careers but are not sure what to do next.

But eventually, 50% of my clients, will come to the realization that the reason they began their work with me one on one was because of their struggle with codependency.

I myself, in 1997, was declared by my counselor at that time as “the most codependent man she had ever met in her life.” And I had no idea what she mean  even though I was doing my counseling and life coaching work back then.

Isn’t that amazing? A counselor and life coach that wasn’t even aware of their own depth of codependency and relationships?

So what is codependency? Here are just a few of the traits: fear of rocking the boat, fear of being rejected, abandoned, ridiculed, laughed at by others, craving to be liked, loved, accepted by others. These traits I’m sharing with you right now are only the beginning of the definition of codependency.

Some codependents like myself, believe we are incredibly independent in life, yet we don’t tell others how we honestly feel. Maybe there is someone at work making inappropriate jokes and instead of walking away, or telling the person to not share those type of jokes while you’re in their presence we put up with it. That’s codependency.

Enabling a husband, wife, lover or child to continue their addiction to any substance whatsoever while they’re in our presence is a form of codependency. It’s called enabling.

To vote Republican because your family has always been Republican or to vote Democrat because your partner is a Democrat and  not because you believe in the principles of either party, it’s called codependency.

To go out on Friday night with your friends and have one too many drinks because you don’t want to be left out of the crowd is called codependency.

To go to a restaurant and order dessert when you’re trying to lose weight because everyone else at the table is ordering dessert is called codependency. Now, to make matters even a little bit more complicated, everyone wants to be accepted . Everyone wants to be loved. No one truly wants to be rejected or ridiculed.

But the codependent puts these belief systems on steroids.

One gentleman I worked with came in every week complaining about how much money his wife spent and how she was putting them in financial peril but he didn’t have the strength to stand up to her and to set a boundary with a consequence.

On the flipside one of my female clients came in complaining about how her husband was drinking way too much. Spending way too much money on alcohol. And when I recommended that she draw up a contract with him stating that if he came home one more weekend drunk that he would have to move out for 90 straight days and get sober.  She looked at me wide-eyed and finally agreed.

She had just become an independent person. And what happened next? He signed the agreement and two weeks later he was moving out of their house for 90 days. She was clearly an independent person.

The above examples are just the tip of the iceberg in regards to what codependency is. It has become one of my greatest goals in life , to help millions of people on a daily basis to shatter their codependent ways.

The downside? You’ll have upset in your relationships. Family members may reject you. Your relationship may crumble in front of you. Your children may decide not to talk to you for weeks, months or years.

But on the flipside, you will be setting an amazing example of what it looks like to be an independent, strong and grounded human being. And that, my friends, we need more of in this world than you could ever imagine.”

David’s most popular course that he takes people through one on one from anywhere in the world today, via phone or Skype, is called “Codependency Kills.” In order to join the course, and work through it at your own pace, visit his website HERE

Healing Stories: Codependency – “My Mom Ruins My Life…Every Day”

Healing Stories: Codependency – “My Mom Ruins My Life…Every Day”

Millions of people around the world had crappy childhoods. Parents that are ignorant. Addicted. Self-centered. That have no ability to teach love, respect, honesty or integrity.

And millions of individuals choose to rise above their experiences, by doing really intense deep work with a counselor, minister, life coach and more.

And on the other hand, unfortunately, millions upon millions more decide to stay stuck in victimhood. They continue to blame their parents for the crappy life they live as adults.

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped millions of people over the past 37 years to overcome terrible childhood’s. But unfortunately, he’s also lost the battle with thousands more, who choose to stay victims in life.

The story below, from David’s number one best-selling book on positive thinking, illustrates the challenge of overcoming victimhood, as adults trying to live happily in the world today.

” I had received a phone call from a potential client that wanted to work on her relationships with men. She had been married multiple times, all of them ending in divorce, multiple children from multiple different fathers… And her life is spinning out of control.

But I had no idea when she came in for our first session, that the real issue she had went back to childhood. And that her drama and chaos continued today, because of her inability to let go of the past, as well as to let go of her current relationship with her mom which had spiraled for 30 years totally out of control.

As 0ur work continued, I was getting the full story. As a little girl, her mom chastised her, made fun of her for not being able to comprehend math. As the years went by, the chastising increased until when this girl was in high school, she dropped out. She couldn’t handle the constant criticism when her mom would tell her that she was dumb, stupid, and couldn’t figure out the simplest of math equations.

Now in my clients defense, this is a terrible, obviously an extremely emotionally abusive childhood to have for anyone. When you have your parent, or parents, criticizing you for being stupid, or lazy, or ignorant or whatever it might be , imprints within the subconscious mind, that we are worthless.

And so this young girl acted out her mom’s statements. By dropping out of high school, she proved her mom was right. That she wasn’t smart at all.

After a few years however something magical happened. She found a profession that she loved, A trade school gave her the foundation to be able to become her own boss.

By the age of 21, with no high school education and no GED, she opened her first business and earned $150,000 that year!

Now this sounds like a fairytale ending doesn’t it? The only problem is, is that this young girl had an extremely disturbingly codependent relationship with her mom. Her mom continued to tell her that while she was making this money that she was going to blow it… She didn’t know how to handle her money… Or her taxes… Or her bills… Or anything. And the young girl proved her mom right.

No matter how much money she made, she was constantly broke. And mom was right there the whole time telling her how ignorant she was with money, further putting into her subconscious mind that she was a worthless businesswoman.

And because of the statements from her mom, this young girl invited her mom into her business to do her books. And then her taxes. She believed her mom was right that she was ignorant around money, math and more and she couldn’t do this on her own… But that her mom who was brilliant with money supposedly, would come and rescue her.

Fast forward to the first two weeks I worked with this young woman, she was now in her early 40s. And guess what? Mom was still tagging along. Every week reminding her how stupid she was with money, and thank God her mom was with her in order to pay her bills, do her taxes, and generally harass the hell out of her about her ignorance.

Since this young woman was still trapped in this relationship with her mom, and told on a weekly and monthly basis how stupid she was, she could never grow past her mom’s comments.

Within a few weeks I was offering her the options of slowly removing her mom from her life. It was really the only way to go. She didn’t have the strength to stand up to her mom for more than a couple weeks, and so the best option for her would’ve been to eliminate mom from her life for a short period of time, maybe only 90 days, so she could start to regain some self-esteem, confidence and learn that there are many other accountants out there who could help her with her business and her taxes.

But this is where the power of codependency comes into play. In 2002, I said that “codependency is the largest addiction in the world today.”

And it is. This young woman was so codependent with her mom, that even though her mom was raging at her on a regular basis about how stupid she was… This young woman could not break those chains. That, is codependency at its worst.

It was shortly after my client and I had talked about an escape plan with her mom, that she stopped coming in for her work. And I told her it might happen. I told her that if her codependency was as deep as I thought, the solution would scare the hell out of her. Even though her mom was a horrendous person in her life, she could not pull herself away from this relationship… Mom had gotten her tentacles into this young girls brain and even in her 40s, she continued to believe her mom’s Words.

You are stupid. You are ignorant with math. You’re ignorant with money. Without me your life would absolutely suck.

Even though the statements weren’t true… The codependent takes them as fact.

Unfortunately, this story does not have a happy ending. But it does offer a great warning sign for everyone else in the world.

If you are in any type of a relationship with a mother, father, partner, friend, coworker, boss… And you are an adult… And you’re allowing them to demean you, to put you down, it is your responsibility and yours alone to shatter this terrible addiction of codependency.

No one deserves this. But like all addictions, they are hard as hell to break. And almost impossible to break on your own.

From her 20s to her 40s, unfortunately, this young woman is constantly in financial stress. She’s constantly owing people thousands upon thousands of dollars. She has zero self-esteem. Zero self-confidence. And in my humble opinion, until we totally break away from these type of people… We will never reach inner peace, or our full potential.

It’s up to you. I do not agree with the philosophy that “well they’re my family, you can’t abandon a family member.” That statement is absolutely ridiculous! If you use that to justify staying with a family member who emotionally puts you down or abuses you… That is insanity.

On the other side, we have helped thousands of people in similar circumstances to the client I’ve written about above, to break free, to create their own life, their own independence… And find inner peace and contentment sometimes without any contact with a family member for the rest of your life.

Now I don’t think everyone has to completely eliminate a person who is unkind, condescending or emotionally abusive… But I do believe that we need to learn to set serious boundaries with consequences, in order to regain our own sense of self, self-confidence and self-esteem.

You can do this. We will never do it on our own. We will need help from a counselor, coach, therapist, minister or more in order to shatter the tentacles of codependency. Make sure you’re doing this today.”

If you need help with this type of the situation, visit David’s website and look under the specialty courses for his number one best-selling course on codependency, at http://davidessel.com/co-dependency-kills/

 

sports psychologist

Co-dependent With Money? Millions Are.

ARE YOU CO-DEPENDENT WITH MONEY? MILLIONS ARE.

Now this is an interesting concept. Co-dependency with money not only hurts your bottoms line, but also your self-esteem and confidence.
Watch this super short video now!

Get more info right here at davidessel.com

Should we keep certain people in our lives? Let them go?

There are certain people we need to let go of today.

No, it’s not being mean, rather, it is a healthy move.

Watch this super short video.

Love, david

Crazy making in love! Oh NO!

Crazy making in love, is actually a form of co-dependency!

Watch this super short video, and learn how to end this insanity today.

The MOTHER of all addictions? Right here.

Yes, the cause, the reason for all addictions, on this very short video.

 

Depression, suicide, addiction = co-dependency?

This video will shock a lot of people.

Robin Williams. David Essel. And millions of others suffer from co-dependency, which easily is one of the most powerful  causes of our spiral down in life.

Watch the video to see what I mean.

Love David, contact me if you need help, 941 266 7676

Love yourself enough to be rejected.

Wow, here is a powerful message.

When you truly love yourself, you will stand up for what you know your boundaries are in love.

If excessive alcohol use does not work, or smoking, or laziness, or financial ignorance….. share that with your partner right away.

Hold your boundaries strong.

If they choose to change, stay.

If they choose not to, stand strong and be prepared to be rejected.

Be prepared to walk.

Love yourself deeply and eventually you will attract a person who will do the same.

love, david

For help in love, contact David at david@davidessel.com