Healing Stories: Relationships – My Husband Was Not The Man I Was Looking For

Healing Stories: Relationships – My Husband Was Not The Man I Was Looking For.

Relationships…Imagine this. You’re on the search for the man of your dreams. People have convinced you that you must find your soulmate in life in order to feel complete, whole and happy. And you buy into that story. Your life is not complete without the super special hero that you’ve been looking for for two years .

Over the past 27 years, number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped hundreds of women in the same predicament. They feel less than, as they watch their girlfriends get married, have babies, and create the dreams of their lives. Or so they think.

And in their work with David, many of them find something magical that has nothing to do with the soulmate myth. Let’s have David talk about one special woman that he worked with, and how the man of her dreams, was never the husband she was actually looking for.

“A number of years ago I g0t an email from a woman who would listen to my radio show. In the email it was quite clear that she was looking for her soulmate. She felt that she was incomplete. She was not a whole. But she told me in the email that if I could help her find the man of her dreams, her life would finally be worth living. And she even sent me a description of what this man would look like.

She said that he would be 6 feet tall or taller, blonde hair, blue eyes and he would be earning a salary of $150,000 or more every year. Would I be willing to help her find this special superman of a husband?

As I read the email I thought oh my gosh this girls been reading too many books on soulmates. And sure enough, when she walked into my office that proved to be true. She had attended so many soulmate workshops, had read all the number one best-selling books on how to find your soulmate… that she was convinced he was out there, but obviously she just needed my help for a few weeks in order to push her in the direction where she could locate him and ride off into the sunset on his huge white steed.

But surprises were in store for her. During our first couple sessions I said that it was interesting that she had all these preconceived notion’s of his height, haircolor and income… and of course she even had a vision board with pictures of men that look something like this hero she was looking for.

All over the vision board were quotations about income, quotations about the perfect soulmate husband… And I asked her would she be interested in following a slightly different path to find a really great husband?

She asked me to explain. So I said I want you to create a list of the personality characteristics that you’re looking for. Such as is he a good communicator? Is he funny? Is he trustworthy? And I asked her to go home and create a list of all of these attributes that could be the starting point to look for in a great man who could be husband material.

She came into the session, threw her notes down, and said David that exercise was boring as hell. I hope I’m not going to have to stay on this path because I’ve got all these vision boards made and I want to find that man that I’m looking for.

I smiled, shook my head and said we are in for a great ride. If you follow through with what I say I promise you you’ll find a great guy to potentially become a husband.

After a few weeks in following my system she said she had had enough. That she want to go back to all the famous books and authors that focused on pictures on a vision board, not the silly characteristics I was asking her to write about.

Fast forward a number of years. I’m at a large convention speaking on stage, I get off the stage and there’s a line of people that I go through each and everyone of them answering questions. At the very end of the line was a woman waiting patiently. When I came up to her she asks if I remembered her ?

I barely could but I couldn’t figure out from where. And then she said I’m your soulmate woman. With that statement we both started laughing so hard. She said I have to ask you if you have a half an hour for coffee, and tell you a story you’re going to love to hear.

As she started sharing the story I knew the direction she was going in. She told me when she left the office and she was not impressed with my work at all. No surprises there! But after a couple more months of chasing this perfect hunk of a man on her vision boards she pulled out the list of characteristics I had asked her to focus on.

And at that time, as she was looking at these characteristics, of a man who is trustworthy, funny, open with his emotions, determined to be successful in business and relationships, she decided to put her vision boards away and to start focusing on these attributes.

It was at the same time that she got a call from a former business partner, who also opened his own business just like she did, and he asked her to meet once a week for lunch to go over how they could become accountability partners for each other… So they could each grow their business at a faster rate.

She had so much fun with the lunches the times flew by. One day when he got up to go to the bathroom, a girlfriend she hadn’t seen in a while came over and started to remark to her about all the sparks flying between her and this new boyfriend. She immediately refused to accept that title that this guy was her new boyfriend. She thanked her friend, and said that’s no kind of a boyfriend I want, he’s just a good friend of mine and we’re doing business deals together.

Her friend, wouldn’t buy it and told her that the energy was electric between her and this man from across the room. And she should think about that whole thing of soulmates and maybe give this guy a chance to be in a relationship with her.

As her friend left the table all she could do was shake her head and say that is a silly idea. There’s no way this guy is what I want. He short, bald, a little overweight, nothing like my soulmate pictures.

But when she went home and started to revisit all the personality characteristics that her and I had come up with… She was sitting in shock. He was hilarious. He was a great listener. He was interested in her day. He was interested in her life. He was interested in her opinions about business. He was always on time. Respectful. Could this be a guy that I would even want to date? The thought continued to haunt her.

She knew he didn’t make $150,000 year. He sure as hell wasn’t 6 foot tall, he had no hair, his eyes were not blue… But then she slowed down. And said just maybe.

As the weeks went by she started to feel more drawn to him. Every time he laughed hysterically at their lunch meetings together, she couldn’t stop yourself from laughing. Every once in a while he would send her a sweet text, nothing mushy, but it always tied into something she had specifically said at their meetings. He actually paid attention to her mind as well as her smile!

Then my former client looks at me… And before she starts talking, there’s tears falling down my cheeks. She smiled and said, thank you so much David, you were right. He overwhelmed me with love, and we’ve been married for a number of years. I never would’ve seen the beauty in this man if you hadn’t guided me with so much wisdom in the art of this relationship.

We hugged and walked away. It made me reflect upon the beauty of her open mindedness. About her willingness to move away from the “mass consciousness nonsense of the perfect soulmate on a vision board “concept.

And I’m not saying that vision boards are stupid, or soulmate ideas are ridiculous but I just know the reality of relationships after being in this business for 37 years, is that sometimes, not all the times, but sometimes people get so focused on what the gurus are teaching us that we start believing in their words versus following our heart.

If you truly want deep love, a beautiful relationship, email me at the website and let’s look at what some of your beliefs are that may be unhealthy regarding love and relationships, and find a way to turn them around so you can you create and experience the type of love you desire.”

Red Flags of dating! David Essel on Fox TV

Look there’s a red flag, and another and another!

Then, why are we still with that person, after seeing all of the red flags of dating?

And what are those flags anyway?

Watch this clip of David on Fox TV!

Crazy making in love! Oh NO!

Crazy making in love, is actually a form of co-dependency!

Watch this super short video, and learn how to end this insanity today.


YES! These are the red flags of dating that too many of us DO NOT pay attention to.




Seminar: “Love and Relationships: Everything you’ve always wanted to know”

“Love and Relationships: Everything you’ve always wanted to know”

A one-day intensive motivational event on Wednesday September 24th, 2014



PRLog – Sep. 8, 2014 – Contact: David Essel, 239.433.9111

National Radio Host,  International Speaker and Author, David Essel, Presents, “Love and Relationships: Everything you’ve always wanted to know”

A one-day intensive motivational event on Wednesday September 24th, 2014

Fort Myers, FL – September 8th, 2014 – Nationally recognized motivational speaker and author, David Essel, M.S., is bringing his highly acclaimed seminar, “Love and Relationships”,  a one-day intensive motivational event to be held on Wednesday, September 24th, from 6:00pm to 8:00 p.m., at our co-sponsor HYATT REGENCY COCONUT POINT RESORT & SPA, 5001 Coconut Road, Bonita Springs, FL 34134

“With the divorce rates still at 55%, when are we going to change our approach to love? That’s why we devised this course. To get to the facts, to help save relationships on the cusp of ending and awaken everyone else to the simple fact that we all must change…we need to release the illusions about love” says course creator David Essel.

Here are a few of the important walk away points attendees will receive in this action packed 2 hour event.

·       That self love is the first and most important step on learning how to love another.

·       The secret tool for deep intimacy that no one has ever told you about!

·       The role resentments play in love and how to let them go for good.

·       How to release all past relationships so that you can be “present” for your current or next one.

·       How to create the most amazing love relationship you could ever imagine possible!

·       How to really talk to your partner openly and honestly about intimacy! (Oh my! No one does this in the way we teach you!)

·       The art of “Divine Union” in love and how to get there with your partner

“David Essel’s destiny in life is to help you feel more alive in every area of your life,” shares Wayne Dyer, Ph.D., internationally renowned author and speaker in the field of self-development.

This one-day intensive motivational event, “Love and Relationships”, is being offered at the low price of just $27 per person. This motivational program is offered across the country for $399 per person. Seats are limited. For more information or to register email, or visit

About David Essel

David Essel, M.S. is an Author, National Radio and Television Host, Master Life, Business and Relationship Coach, Adjunct Professor, All Faiths Minister, Addiction Recovery Coach and International Speaker. His mission is to inspire others to reach their own exceptional potential in their business and personal life. His purely positive national radio show of 23 years, “David Essel Alive!,” is heard on iHeart Radio every Saturday from 6-9pm EST. David’s professional presentations on how to lead a passionate and inspiring life have drawn rave reviews from corporations such as Chico’s, Nestlé, and Boeing, media outlets such as FOX and Premiere/Clear Channel Radio, as well as non-profit organizations like the March of Dimes and Unity Church. David Essel offers coaching and group sessions via phone to anywhere in the world. For more information call (941) 266-7676 or visit

David Essel

“I’m single, and missing out on life”

TRUE confessions~~~~~~. Lost Love???? ” David, I feel absolutely lost in life. I’m a 45-year-old woman, single for the last eight years, rarely date…… And feel that I’m missing out on the purpose of life. Isn’t the reason for existence to love? Isn’t the reason for existence to share and give love? How can I feel good about myself, in this position? How can I feel good, and have self-esteem and self-confidence as you preach about daily, when I see everyone around me in relationships… And I am still single. I feel totally lost. Alone. A good job, a good car, hobbies that are fine….But no man. And none to see in the future that I can even take a stab at. I hope you’ll help. I listen to your show, actually have listen to your radio show for the past 10 years. Thank you. Isabella, New York City.”……………………………….. Isabella, I know the magazines, the romance novels, and advertisements all lead us to believe that without a partner were missing out on the purpose of life. And what I’m going to tell you you may or may not understand. Yes the purpose of life is to love, but there are 1 billion ways to love. There’s the love by giving your time to take care of abused children, abused seniors, the mentally challenged…… This may not seem like the answer To your question, but there are millions of people on this earth that are not in relationships but found a cause to love. Working with the homeless. Working with abused animals. Spending time, On a daily basis hour by hour in prayer and meditation. Mother Teresa even said that she went to bed every night and awoke every morning with her husband, Jesus Christ. She took that love and generated it through Jesus and his work, to help change this World. I do not dissuade you from searching for love from a man, but between now and then whenever that happens, or even if it doesn’t happen, we must pursue the giving and receiving of love. In all of the things I mentioned above, when we give and are in-service we are receiving love. So there you have it. We are giving love and receiving love . As many people know, my answers to many of these questions are different, unique, because I don’t believe in the fairytale soulmate drama That so many people write and speak about. Where you have to have a partner to be complete. It’s not true, it has never been true, and maybe your question will hold open the eyes of other people who are single, to see that life can be more about than just having a partner. If you need more help, email me here on Facebook and I’d be more than happy to do so. Love, David