Healing Stories: Men Are All Dogs!
Relationships are either Hell on earth, or Heaven on earth. And depending upon your past experiences it’s very easy to fall victim to the belief that relationships should either be easy, effortless and rewarding or for the most part that all relationships simply suck.
What was the relationship of your mom and dad growing up? Or if you were raised in a single household, what did your mom teach you, or tell you about relationships? What did your dad teach you or tell you about relationships? Were they optimistic? Or negative?
Many of our beliefs come from childhood. What we saw in our own household, can implant a belief system in the subconscious mind about the positive or negative side of relationships.
For the past 27 years, number one best-selling author, counselor and life coach David Essel has been helping both men and women get really clear about how to create healthy relationships. He also specializes in helping people to even begin to understand if this time in their life is the right time to be engaged in any form of romantic love.
Unfortunately, many people are seeking love in this current day and time, when they aren’t mentally prepared to give love in return. Confused? Let’s have David share his own story of a client he worked with a number of years ago to make all of this perfectly clear.
Men Are All Dogs!
” In the mid 90s I got a phone call from a woman who lived on the west coast of the United States who had been a frequent listener to my radio show. She had heard me talk about creating deep love and was skeptical but hopeful at the same time that she might be able to do exactly that. She hired me to be her counselor and about 30 minutes into the first session I asked her about her belief systems regarding men. Were they trustworthy in her mind? Were they honest in her opinion? Within about 1.5 seconds she blurted out a line I’ll never forget.
“Men are all dogs David!”
The force that she used when she said those words were incredible. I had to let it sink in. And after I thought for a second I asked her why she felt so angry at men. Her forceful reply was filled with anger maybe even to the point of rage.
She went on to tell me that every man she ever dated had cheated on her. If not immediately within the first year of the relationship. She said it was simple, men are programmed to cheat, and lie, so finding someone to have a true partnership with would nearly be impossible in her life.
As we continued to work together over the weeks and months I started to throw little bones out there about how our beliefs sometimes create our reality. During one session she asked me to clarify what I had said. When I asked her what she thought I meant by that statement she said “don’t tell me to start thinking that if I change my beliefs I could attract great guys because there’s no such thing.”
I told her there was no rush. That over time in doing all of the exercises in writing I was giving her that her beliefs would normally start to change. She doubted me. Which I totally understood.
We started then working on who she hung around without a weekly basis and more and more clues were coming to the surface. Every Friday night her and her best girlfriends would go to a few different local bars, hang together in a little clique, and look around at all “The men who were really dogs” in the bar.
A look at the ring finger where there might of been a white space, proving that this man was married but he was a dog out looking for sex.
They even had it down to what they believed was their own little perfect science. Together as a group they would rate men on their “doggedness” by the clothes they wore, the jewelry they wore, and even their haircut.
As she continued to share all this information with me I knew there was going to have to be some radical changes in her mind and her actions in order to get her to see that not all men were dogs.
So I challenged her. I asked her that instead of going out with the girls for drinks to judge men, to do something radically different for the next four Fridays. She was shocked. She kept telling me that this is what they do for fun. And I was able to show her that in her “fun night with the girls” she was actually embedding in her mind proof that men are all dogs.
At the end of four weeks of ceasing to go out with these girls her mind was starting to change.
At the same time I was having her do some written exercises to release her resentments against men. As well as resentments against her father, who was not faithful during the marriage to her mom. I was able to help her see where the beliefs that men are all dogs came from, and just maybe, why she was carrying that now into her late 30s in life.
It took about six months of working with her for all of this to change. And when it did she was an absolutely totally changed person!
And of course you know what’s going to happen next. As she changed her beliefs and her actions about men, she started to run into guys that were not dogs at all. That were trustworthy. That were nice. That were gentleman.
Another three months went by and then the miracle happened . She fell in love with a super great guy! She couldn’t wait to call me for a session and tell me all about this new love and through the work that she had done with me, by releasing her poor belief systems about men, she had actually attracted a really great guy.
During our very last session I remember her words. “David, I have a great job, my own house, a new car and now an amazing new man in my life. Thank you for opening my eyes about the power of belief systems and how I have been living underneath a rock for all these years.”
The change took time as you can see. And it was more than just trying to change her thoughts She had to change her actions too and eventually even change her friends. Was it worth it? Hell yes. And the same can happen to you.”
If you struggle with relationships, as David stated above, the best thing in the world to do is to start to evaluate where your beliefs came from, and how you might be ingraining these beliefs on a deeper level through your thoughts and actions as well.
Contact David for for one-on-one help with all your relationship goals… http://davidessel.com/life-relationship-business-coach/
If David can help you with changing any part of your life, feel free to contact him at www.davidessel.com