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Healing Stories: Forgiveness “Did God Let Her Down?”

Forgiveness – Healing Stories: “Did God Let Her Down?”

Life is not fair. There are times when we wish that it was fair but in reality it’s not. Really wonderful people have terrible events that they have to go through in their life and many times we will never know the real reason why.

Through these challenges many people question if there even is a God, or if God is paying any attention. There are times that we have to look within and try to find faith that things happen for reasons. But even this philosophy can’t help us when we’re in deep and immense pain.

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel, for the past 27 years, has helped individuals that are trying to figure out why life is treating them the way it is. And some have even asked him during sessions with him, how could God let this happen to me?

Here’s a story from David himself, that illuminates the question about whether God would actually let someone down. Or was there a bigger reason for the tragedy that we have to go through?

“A number of years ago a young woman came to me to try to work through her frustrations in life. She was 100 pounds overweight, worked in dead-end jobs, was extremely unhappy in any dating relationship she was ever in, and had reached what we call a rock bottom.

Frustrated. Disgusted with herself. And angry. But she really wasn’t sure who she was angry at?

After a few weeks of doing work together she shared with me a story that she hadn’t told many other people. The story that she shared gave me great insight as to why she was so unhappy in life. It gave great insight to why she carried so much extra weight. And why, after all these years, she continued to date men that were unhealthy.

You see, when she was in high school, she watched her younger sister get off the bus like the little girl did every day, and walk in front of the bus into their driveway and then to their house. But this day was different. Normally my client would walk ahead of her sister, but today on this one day, she got hung up talking to a friend of hers and her little sister scooted between her arms and raced out the bus door excited to be home and to see her mom.

The next thing my client sees is the little girl walking in front of the bus crossing the road and a car coming head-on hits her. She dies instantly.

For over 30 years my client held the story within. She had never worked with a counselor before. Her family discouraged her from talking about that tragic day. In 30+ years she had never visited her sisters grave. She had never thought about how much she missed her sister because it was too painful to think about.

So instead she self medicated with food. Or occasional sex with a guy she knew wasn’t good for her. To beat herself up for the choice she made of not to be the one to walk off the bus first, as she did every other day, she hung onto menial jobs, doing limited work, just trying to survive in life.

When she told me the story I was flabbergasted over many of the details. That her family never wanted to talk about missing the young girl? That my client had never thought about processing through her grief, shame, guilt and anger?

As I asked her about all of these emotions she blurted out how much she hated God! How God had let her down, by allowing a drunk driver to kill her innocent little sister. She was mad as hell at God. At herself. And her family for refusing to talk about the precious life that was no longer on earth.

Can you imagine how difficult it would be holding all these emotions in? Shame? Guilt? Resentment, anger, rage?

As we worked together, each one of these emotions were giving plenty of time to be processed. Every week for over a year we continued working through the emotions, forgiving herself, even reaching the state of forgiving God. She realized, God did not direct the driver to kill her sister, even though at times she felt he did. We worked on her forgiving her family, because they didn’t know how to deal with their own anger, rage, and guilt. She was able to forgive them for the space they were currently in.

Eventually, she got to the greatest prize at all, she forgave herself. And on the very day that we had this massive breakthrough, for the first time in over 30 years, she went to her a little sister’s grave and left a letter for her.

The next month, she went and left another letter with flowers. Some evenings she would sit in her bathtub with candles lit all around a pad of paper and pen in hand, yes even in the bathtub, and write love letters to her sister. How much she missed her. How sorry she was for what happened. She even asked her sister to forgive her for not being the first one off the bus.

It was an immense amount of work! At the end of two years her work was done. Should evolved so deeply, so greatly into a loving, compassionate person. Once she released all of her own shame and guilt she was able to communicate with her sister on a daily basis. She prayed to her. She prayed for her sister. And she ended up creating this incredibly joyful relationship with a little girl who is no longer here on earth.

The end of the story is beautiful. The end of the story was actually surprising to me because this client put so much effort and work into trying to heal and it never seemed to be coming fast enough. In the end, the timing was perfect.

How about you? Are there feelings or emotions that you’re running from? Not wanting to face? Could there be shame or guilt that still resides within you? Or deep resentment or anger at God, your family, a former lover, a former employer, a former best friend?

This article highlights the power of writing. Every day for two years, my client wrote about her emotions. Every week for two straight years we met for an hour, over the phone, to help her process the emotions. It was hard, hard work. And the end result as I mentioned above was stunningly beautiful.

I wish the same could happen to you. If you’re willing to do the work we can release all submerged emotions and rise from the ashes to become the person we’ve always meant to be.

Don’t wait another day to get help. Reach out to a counselor, coach, minister, priest, a rabbi… Anyone in the healing profession can help you. Make today the day you reach out and ask for that help. You deserve it. ”

Learn more about David and his one on one coaching and counseling here… http://davidessel.com/life-relationship-business-coach/

If you would like to reach David to help you with any current crisis that you’re going through, please email him through the website www.davidessel.com

Healing Stories: Her Six-Year-Old Son Was Murdered. Then she did this.

Healing Stories: Forgiveness…Her Six-Year-Old Son Was Murdered. Then she did this.

No one can imagine what it would feel like to find out that their six-year-old child had been murdered. And, it is something we would not wish on anyone.

The feelings of rage, sadness, anger and possibly even guilt would be running through anyone’s brain in their attempt to deal with such a tragedy.

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has interviewed parents from around the United States of America who have lost a child. And in each of the interviews it’s an incredibly tragic event that some never find their way to totally deal with.

Addiction can take over as a short-term way to submerge the emotions around losing a child. Some hold onto bitterness for the rest of their lives. And then there are others who lead the way to help us transform this terrible experience into something that has meaning in their lives.

David shares a story here today that gives all individuals, who have lost a loved one, an opportunity to learn how to move forward with grace, power and compassion.

“I remember the first time I talked to Scarlett Lewis who had lost her son just a few months before in the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre. I had no idea how to even begin the interview I was about to do with Scarlett on my national radio show.

I mean, how do you start out such an in-depth interview with someone who eight months before had lost her young son to a murderer? I was so concerned that I would say the wrong thing. That I would embarrass myself or her. Or that I would put her on the hot seat, something I never intend to do with any of my guests.

I sat and wondered… And then when I looked up I saw that I was going to be on the air in 30 seconds. After introducing Scarlett I immediately asked her a question that I thought I would probably get to later on in the show. “Have you even thought about forgiving the killer of your child? Is that something you could even ever do?”

That question was guided to me by spirit if you will. It wasn’t something I had planned. But the interview started out with a bang. And it was one of the most incredible interviews I’ve ever done in 27 years as a host of a talk radio show.

Scarlett answered right away that she was about 75% of the way to forgiving Adam Lanza completely. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it. How could she already, only eight months after the killing of her son, be that far advanced in regards to forgiving the killer?

Scarlett shared with me that it was an incredibly difficult eight months to say the least. But she learned early on through her counseling, and a variety of modalities from journaling, to emotional freedom technique, to a healing technique called EMDR, that if she didn’t go in and feel those deep feelings of anger, sadness, depression, and everything else associated with such an event, that she would never heal.

So she got to work. Whenever she woke up in the morning and felt that pain in her stomach she would start to journal her feelings and emotions surrounding anger, rage and more.

She never stopped doing the work. She didn’t shy away when the counseling or the program she was in became difficult. She kept moving forward. Even on the days she didn’t want to.

I have had the blessing to interview Scarlett every year since the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre, and every year she astounds me even more. The last time I had invited her to be a part of a major motivational seminar I was leading, she joined me and the audience via phone, and shared at that time that she was over 90% on her way to fully forgiving the killer of her child.

During the seminar, when someone asked what was her motivation to continue to work so hard to forgive someone who killed her son, Scarlet answered immediately, “He may have killed my young son Jesse but through my path of forgiveness I am guaranteeing that he will not take the rest of my life or my other son JT’s in the process. As I have continued to forgive him I’ve become free and able to do the work that I’m here to do.”

And what is that work that Scarlett Lewis is destined to do? She is a major leader in the world of forgiveness. She is a healer. She is taking this tragic event and now travels all over the world talking to small and large audiences alike about the path of forgiveness. The benefits of forgiveness. The trials and tribulations of forgiveness. The hardships of forgiveness. But at the end of everything, she knows that the path has been laid out before her to be a leader in this world. And she’s doing a damn good job doing so.”

If you need help living the life you desire, letting go of past hurts or tragedies, contact David today at www.davidessel.com

Healing Stories: From Rape to Forgiveness

For the past 27 years, as a counselor and a master life coach, number one best-selling author, I’ve experienced so many incredible healing’s in my work. I’ve seen incredible transformations of people going from the caterpillar to the butterfly. It is amazing.

And nothing may be more amazing than the story of healing I’m about to share with you here.

A number of years ago a woman came to me, nine years after being brutally raped and left for dead. They never caught the rapist. So for nine straight years she lived in terror… Agoraphobic, she never left her house… She was on multiple medications for anxiety, depression, and a sleep disorder.

When she walked into the office and sat down she was a nervous wreck, as expected. Here she was sitting in front of a male counselor, the first male counselor she had ever worked with, trying to talk about an event that had traumatized her deeply nine years prior.

After working with a number of other counselors, and still not seeing the success she wanted, I was her final hope. I didn’t know that at the time but I was about to find out that this could be one of the greatest challenges I had ever faced in my years of doing the work as a counselor and coach.

I asked during the first session if any of the previous counselors had worked with her in something that we call “desensitization therapy”.

In other words had they helped her to process the experience from the beginning to the end of what happened on that terrible night in order to bring that experience down in regards to our emotional response.

With this type of work, we have to move extremely slowly. Any form of PTSD from near drowning’s, to being beaten in relationships, raped, returning from war, recovering from an auto accident, needs to be done in a very patient and slow way.

So after a few weeks I gave her the first assignment, with a loving voice, that I would like her to begin to recall the rape experience in writing. I gave her detailed instructions to try to take some of the pressure off but at the same time letting her know that I would be here with her as many days as she needed me walking through this experience together.
She would never be alone in her healing.

While she was hesitant at first she did catch on and started to write on a daily basis about the experience.

When she would come in week after week I would ask her to read what she had written and of course at first it was a terrifying experience for her. But in the safety of my office, and with an open heart, I gently nudged her and told her that in the world of desensitization, what were trying to do is take a horrific experience from the past and to write about it so many times that it simply becomes a fact of life. When we get to that level we can move forward in life never forgetting the trauma from the past but being able to now finally deal with it in a way that is respectful, releasing, and healing all at the same time.

We were together for approximately one year. Halfway through the experience she was talking about that fateful night with a tone that would be equivalent to someone talking about what they ate for dinner the night before. We had reached a huge level of success. She was absolutely shocked at the progress she had made in just a simple six months.

By the eighth month she was moving off of all of her medication, along with her doctors understanding, she was starting to take smaller and smaller dosages of her antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, and sleep pharmaceuticals. At the end of the year she was totally free of all medications! We had gone through a written process of desensitization even into an area she never thought she would reach… The forgiveness of her rapist .

When I tell this story to audiences people are absolutely shocked that individuals can move forward after an extreme PTSD experience like this into a place of health and happiness.
But the healing isn’t done by me. I am simply the facilitator, asking questions and giving assignments.

My clients must be willing to go into the discomfort… Into the pain… To release it. This brave woman did everything I asked of her and at the end of our time together she was a radically different person.

As they say on television commercials I wouldn’t recommend that anyone try to do this by themselves at home. If you have experienced an incredibly stressful or traumatic event even from 50 years ago reach out and ask for a counselor to take you through the steps necessary to reach your own level of healing.

It’s easy to make mistakes in these type of exercises so rely on someone else to take you through it.

Here are a few things to think about if you have faced trauma in your past or even in your present experience:

Number one. Millions of people before you have made the choice to do the hard work to heal. It’s not easy. I don’t want anyone to think that you can just make up your mind to forgive someone and it will happen. It really does take a full commitment.

Number two. Be patient with yourself. Let me repeat this. Be extremely patient with your own healing. To take 12 months of counseling to heal from something so traumatic is not unusual. As a matter of fact I worked with another woman a number of years ago with an extreme trauma in her past and it took us two years to reach the same level of freedom. Be patient.

You deserve the life you desire. I am so proud of the client that I’m talking about today, her persistence, perseverance, resilience, that led to her being completely free from the past. She’s a walking miracle and you can be too.

David Essel is a number one best-selling author, counselor, master life coach and inspirational speaker. If you would like help in overcoming any challenge you’re currently facing in life, simply visit www.davidessel.com

David Essel, Microphone, Positive Thinking Will NEVER Change Your Life… But This Book Will,

Forgiveness? We’ve Been Taught All Wrong!

Forgiveness? We’ve Been Taught All Wrong!

We’ve been told to turn the other cheek. Just forgive them because it’s the right thing to do. It never works long term!

But the system we teach in this super short video does. Start out the New Year free of resentments.

Scarlett Lewis, Sandy Hook Massacre, on forgiveness

This  is an amazing interview.

We have had Scarlett on before, and she has become a show favorite.

Forgiveness, for you, not the other person.

Listen, and see what i mean.

http://www.spreaker.com/user/davidessel/scarlett-lewis-july-26th-2014

Inner peace follows.

love, david