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Healing Stories: Forgiveness “Did God Let Her Down?”

Forgiveness – Healing Stories: “Did God Let Her Down?”

Life is not fair. There are times when we wish that it was fair but in reality it’s not. Really wonderful people have terrible events that they have to go through in their life and many times we will never know the real reason why.

Through these challenges many people question if there even is a God, or if God is paying any attention. There are times that we have to look within and try to find faith that things happen for reasons. But even this philosophy can’t help us when we’re in deep and immense pain.

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel, for the past 27 years, has helped individuals that are trying to figure out why life is treating them the way it is. And some have even asked him during sessions with him, how could God let this happen to me?

Here’s a story from David himself, that illuminates the question about whether God would actually let someone down. Or was there a bigger reason for the tragedy that we have to go through?

“A number of years ago a young woman came to me to try to work through her frustrations in life. She was 100 pounds overweight, worked in dead-end jobs, was extremely unhappy in any dating relationship she was ever in, and had reached what we call a rock bottom.

Frustrated. Disgusted with herself. And angry. But she really wasn’t sure who she was angry at?

After a few weeks of doing work together she shared with me a story that she hadn’t told many other people. The story that she shared gave me great insight as to why she was so unhappy in life. It gave great insight to why she carried so much extra weight. And why, after all these years, she continued to date men that were unhealthy.

You see, when she was in high school, she watched her younger sister get off the bus like the little girl did every day, and walk in front of the bus into their driveway and then to their house. But this day was different. Normally my client would walk ahead of her sister, but today on this one day, she got hung up talking to a friend of hers and her little sister scooted between her arms and raced out the bus door excited to be home and to see her mom.

The next thing my client sees is the little girl walking in front of the bus crossing the road and a car coming head-on hits her. She dies instantly.

For over 30 years my client held the story within. She had never worked with a counselor before. Her family discouraged her from talking about that tragic day. In 30+ years she had never visited her sisters grave. She had never thought about how much she missed her sister because it was too painful to think about.

So instead she self medicated with food. Or occasional sex with a guy she knew wasn’t good for her. To beat herself up for the choice she made of not to be the one to walk off the bus first, as she did every other day, she hung onto menial jobs, doing limited work, just trying to survive in life.

When she told me the story I was flabbergasted over many of the details. That her family never wanted to talk about missing the young girl? That my client had never thought about processing through her grief, shame, guilt and anger?

As I asked her about all of these emotions she blurted out how much she hated God! How God had let her down, by allowing a drunk driver to kill her innocent little sister. She was mad as hell at God. At herself. And her family for refusing to talk about the precious life that was no longer on earth.

Can you imagine how difficult it would be holding all these emotions in? Shame? Guilt? Resentment, anger, rage?

As we worked together, each one of these emotions were giving plenty of time to be processed. Every week for over a year we continued working through the emotions, forgiving herself, even reaching the state of forgiving God. She realized, God did not direct the driver to kill her sister, even though at times she felt he did. We worked on her forgiving her family, because they didn’t know how to deal with their own anger, rage, and guilt. She was able to forgive them for the space they were currently in.

Eventually, she got to the greatest prize at all, she forgave herself. And on the very day that we had this massive breakthrough, for the first time in over 30 years, she went to her a little sister’s grave and left a letter for her.

The next month, she went and left another letter with flowers. Some evenings she would sit in her bathtub with candles lit all around a pad of paper and pen in hand, yes even in the bathtub, and write love letters to her sister. How much she missed her. How sorry she was for what happened. She even asked her sister to forgive her for not being the first one off the bus.

It was an immense amount of work! At the end of two years her work was done. Should evolved so deeply, so greatly into a loving, compassionate person. Once she released all of her own shame and guilt she was able to communicate with her sister on a daily basis. She prayed to her. She prayed for her sister. And she ended up creating this incredibly joyful relationship with a little girl who is no longer here on earth.

The end of the story is beautiful. The end of the story was actually surprising to me because this client put so much effort and work into trying to heal and it never seemed to be coming fast enough. In the end, the timing was perfect.

How about you? Are there feelings or emotions that you’re running from? Not wanting to face? Could there be shame or guilt that still resides within you? Or deep resentment or anger at God, your family, a former lover, a former employer, a former best friend?

This article highlights the power of writing. Every day for two years, my client wrote about her emotions. Every week for two straight years we met for an hour, over the phone, to help her process the emotions. It was hard, hard work. And the end result as I mentioned above was stunningly beautiful.

I wish the same could happen to you. If you’re willing to do the work we can release all submerged emotions and rise from the ashes to become the person we’ve always meant to be.

Don’t wait another day to get help. Reach out to a counselor, coach, minister, priest, a rabbi… Anyone in the healing profession can help you. Make today the day you reach out and ask for that help. You deserve it. ”

Learn more about David and his one on one coaching and counseling here… http://davidessel.com/life-relationship-business-coach/

If you would like to reach David to help you with any current crisis that you’re going through, please email him through the website www.davidessel.com

Healing Stories: From Alcoholism to Full Sobriety

Healing Stories: Is Sobriety for Everyone?

Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. Statements like these are a 100% fabrication of the truth.

For the past 24 years, counselor, life coach and number one best-selling author David Essel has seen hundreds of individuals, who were told that they would never get sober for life, accomplish exactly that goal. And you can too .

One of his most powerful stories that he tells at lectures is the recovery of a client named Harvey. Harvey came to David on his knees, rock bottom for the one hundredth time.

He had been told by various professionals that it really wasn’t his fault that he was an alcoholic. He had the genetic link which meant he was doomed for life. They tried to tell him that there were various medications he could take to help cut his cravings but that at the level he had been drinking for as long as he had been drinking the opportunity for sobriety was almost nil.

There are even professional organizations, who’s intention it is to help people get sober, that will pass the same absolute lies that the professionals told Harvey… In meetings they would tell him that once you’re an alcoholic you always are. That even if he got sober the cravings will probably never go away.

He came in to David’s office with a small hope that maybe his life could be better. He had lost several marriages due to his drinking. He would drink on the job and then come home and finish a complete bottle of vodka almost every night.

He was asleep by nine and up at six to put another hard day of work in. Throughout the day be thinking about the relief he would feel once he was back home and able to “relax and drink myself to sleep”.

He surrounded himself with friends that drank almost as much as he did. As we looked back at his family history, which was filled with alcoholics, he believed the naysayers who had told him that he would be an alcoholic for life. Until he met David.

“I remember the first day Harvey came in. He was dejected yes. He had lost almost all hope. But he was willing to commit 90 straight days to work in our program with holistic addiction recovery. When he went to leave the first day he turned and said to me that I had not mentioned anything about drinking. Was it OK if he drink that night? I turned and looked and said what do you think is the best move for you? He started laughing as he left the room yelling behind him that he shouldn’t be paying for a program of recovery and then go home and drink. I thought now there’s a wise man.”

The first few weeks were not easy. His cravings were intense. David put him on a series of amino acid supplementation to help with the cravings. He introduced Harvey to the world of relaxation techniques, CDs on meditation, emotional journaling techniques for him to access the feelings of fear that arise when someone is not going to have their best friend, alcohol, with them throughout the day.

Harvey reported to David every day of the week. He shared with David and  his feelings, boredom, restlessness, anxiety, depression and anger that he couldn’t have just one or two drinks to relax.

David had asked him to do a brief past history of how many times he had tried to drink moderately… Only to fall back into the black pit of alcoholism.

In his own writing for the first time in 30 years, Harvey had sketched out the 1000 times that he had tried to be a moderate drinker that had never worked .

At the end of the third month he was a fully changed man, someone even he didn’t recognize. He was falling asleep without a drink. He was waking up at 4 AM to take walks around the neighborhood with his dog. He was energized. He was more social. He was excited about living a brand-new life.

Two of his former wives actually got back in touch with him when they found out he had stopped drinking, to support him in his sobriety . He found, and quite the surprise to himself, that there were a lot of people even in his neighborhood who were sober. Some had never drank at all, who were an absolute blast to be around.

At work he was instantly recognized for his new level of energy and commitment. He received a promotion without even asking for it.

When he came back in to see David after being on his own for about six months, even David said he barely recognized him. The puffiness in his face, the dark circles underneath his eyes, his poor body language had all radically changed .

Harvey’s attitude has improved dramatically, simply by removing alcohol from his life.

For the past 30+ years he had not gone a day without drinking… And here he was 180 days later without a drop of alcohol and finding a new breath of life.

“Harvey has found to be true what so many people struggle with. A sober life can be dynamic, filled with passion, joy and fun. And you do not have to believe the nonsense that the struggle will continue for the rest of your life. When you apply yourself to a full, deep level of holistic addiction recovery, the struggle ends. Inner peace remains. And a new lift on life is evident.” Essel says.

If you need help, reach out to David today at http://davidessel.com/holistic-addiction-recovery/