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David Essel, marriage, relationship, abusive relationship, happy marriage, healthy relationships, how to save a relationship, David Essel, Positive Thinking Will NEVER Change Your Life…

Healing Stories: Relationships – Overcoming the Affair – The Four Keys to Reclaim Love

David Essel, marriage, relationship, abusive relationship, happy marriage, healthy relationships, how to save a relationship, David Essel, Positive Thinking Will NEVER Change Your Life…

Healing Stories: Overcoming the Affair – The Four Keys to Reclaim Love

Almost everyone that enters into a romantic love relationship says that if their partner were ever to have an affair the relationship is dead. Over. Gone.

But is that really the case? Millions of people who face the prognosis of an affair will choose to try to save the relationship versus end it.

Number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped hundreds of couples since 1990 reclaim love after an affair. But he’s also seen an equal number that during their attempt to save the relationship, actually sabotage it.

“For those of us who have been on the receiving end, or the giving end of an affair, the stress is off the charts. Do I want to stay with them? Are they worthy of me bringing them back into my heart? If you’re the one who cheated, you may be thinking very similar thoughts. In other words, there are no winners when it comes to an affair.

But I can tell you that there’s some really important keys to follow if you want to try to save a relationship after an affair. Here they are:

Number one: Whoever cheated must become more humble and vulnerable than they’ve ever been in their life. With my clients in this position I tell them that they’re going to have to basically be on their knees, asking for forgiveness, and be willing to do almost anything their partner asks to prove their serious about reclaiming the relationship.

This takes an immense amount of humility. And it’s not just doing this for 30 or 60 days, in my practice as a counselor, I’ve seen that it takes up to 365 days in a row of someone truly being humbled in order for their partner to trust them once again.

Number two: Now this next step is brutal. It’s for the person who did not cheat. After I work with this individual for about four weeks I ask them to get serious. To look within and see what role they had in the affair. Of course many times at first they balk. They claim they did nothing. But after deeper introspection, and answering the questions that we’ve created for people in this situation, 100% of the time they see a role they played in the affair.

They understand that they shut down in bed for six months which encouraged their partner to seek something from the outside world. Or they became highly passive aggressive in the relationship. Or they became workaholics, alcoholics, foodaholics. In other words they picked up an addiction so they didn’t have to spend time with their partner. Once they see the reality of their role the relationship has a much better chance to heal.

Number three: Going back to the person who cheated. I have them do an exercise where they write down all the reasons why they strayed from the relationship. Were they bored? Did they have deep resentments? Was there unresolved rage or anger at their partner? Were they simply following the role model in childhood, or mom or dad who had an affair? Were they afraid of speaking openly? Were they afraid of communicating their true feelings because they thought they might get shut down?

When the person who cheated goes through and answers all of these questions it starts to bring great insight for me as a counselor as to what we have to do to help the couple reclaim their love.

Number four: Forgiveness. The last step I take each of these individuals separately through is forgiveness. For the person who cheated, I take them through a series of exercises to forgive themselves for the error they made. For the person who did not cheat, I take them through a series of exercises to forgive themselves as well for what they did that may have encouraged their partner to look outside of the relationship for validation.

I will give two separate examples of couples I’ve worked with after an affair. One who was successful, and the other was not.

The successful couple. They did everything I mentioned above with 100% energy. Within 365 days of working with them individually they were able to reclaim their love, forgive themselves, forgive each other, that was 17 years ago and today their love is stronger than ever.

The unsuccessful couple. In this case, the husband who cheated, did everything I asked of him to reclaim the relationship. As I worked with him it was amazing to see the transformation of humility. But on the other hand, his wife never took him off of the cross. She continued to berate him. Even after nine months of him doing everything that she wanted him to do to prove he would never cheat again she constantly reminded him of what a loser he was. That she would never trust him. At that time in the counseling I let the wife go. I told her that I couldn’t work with her if she wasn’t willing to look at her role and to start the process of forgiveness.

I continued to work with the husband, but he had a very tough road to go through. Unfortunately, I don’t see this relationship healing unless the woman becomes extremely humble, vulnerable, and tries to risk the concept of forgiveness.

Millions of couples will go through this very same experience and the ones who heal will find a deeper love than they’ve ever experienced with each other in the past.”

If you need help in your relationship, before an affair happens, or after one occurs, reach out to David at www.davidessel.com

To read more stories like this and to find out how David can help you see David’s Blog

Healing Stories: Struggling “I was so lost…”

Why?Healing stories, “I was so lost…”

 

Millions of Americans wake up every day lost in life. Maybe they’re struggling with money. They’re in a relationship they can’t fix. They’re overweight, struggling with not only health issues but with self-esteem. Or maybe they’re struggling with addiction.

The bottom line is… Millions of Americans are lost in life right now.

For the past 37 years, counselor, life coach, number one best-selling author and radio host David Essel has had one mission only… “To help lift the spirits of 1 million people or more every day.”

The story David is going to share with us today, comes from one of his clients who was absolutely lost in life… And what he did to totally turn it around.

” My work over the past 37 years has been to help people find direction in life. People who are lost, confused, frustrated, addicted and more.

A while ago I received a call from a man who said that he needed help in every area of life. He had struggled deeply with an addiction to opiates, alcohol, nicotine, weight and so much more.

He said he was motivated. He was ready. Of course everyone says that, but there are a few people who are truly ready to do everything that they possibly can to change their lives.

He was one of them. Totally lost, and about to find himself for possibly the first time in his existence. He was raised in an addicted household.

Alcohol and drugs were part of the every day existence of many members of his family. So he became the environment that he lived in.

His latest struggle was an all out battle with opiate addiction, combined with alcohol, nicotine and his low self-esteem had allowed him to gain 80 pounds. More than he had ever weighed in his life.

In his first session we went into a discussion about the power of the conscious mind versus the subconscious mind. He was eating it up like a sponge drinks water. He was asking questions. He was taking notes. He was talking about action steps that he wanted me to help him create, so within the next seven days he was on the path to freedom. He wanted to find himself now.

Over the course of several months he got to see how his environment as a young child had molded him into the addict he was today.

Whenever you’re in an environment where adults use alcohol on a regular basis, or prescription drugs, or siblings who may be experimenting with drugs and alcohol and encourage you to be part of their world… The odds of moving through that type of childhood into adulthood free of addiction are incredibly tiny.

When we did an exercise looking at all the emotions he was running from, through the use of alcohol, drugs and nicotine, as well as food, and he was blown away. His subconscious mind had accepted a pattern that this was normal. Absolutely normal. But of course this and result of his life has been nothing but abnormal.

He looked back and thought that by now in his life he should be a millionaire. He looked at his relationship with his wife and thought it is nowhere near where it needs to be. He came in about the second month more fired up than I’d ever seen him.

He was taking the brain chemistry supplements I recommended and was feeling incredible. He had cut down is nicotine from 20 pieces of nicotine gum a day to five and soon that would go to one.

When I describe the importance of exercise, as a way to release endorphins in the brain to help lift his spirits and give him energy, he knew it was true but couldn’t figure out how to fit it into his schedule with his long workdays. But he was about to change everything. When he came in the next week with his new schedule of eating every four hours, which he had never done before, exercising at 4:30 in the morning, even I was blown away!

I kept saying to myself… Here was a guy that just a month ago who was totally lost… Who is really finding himself now.

His new schedule was impressive. Up at 3:45 in the morning. Meditation. Affirmations. Journaling. In the gym at 5 o’clock in the morning. Out of the gym at 7:30 in the morning. Into work by 8 o’clock, and back home by 6 o’clock. What a day!

And then came the rebuilding of his marriage. He started leaving notes for his wife every morning as he left early for the gym. Short little notes. “I love you. I will miss you today. I can’t wait to see you tonight. ”

He was lost… And now once again he was finding himself in a marriage he had always wanted to be this special, loving, kind.

We got into the discussion of the power of thought and he quickly picked up that our thoughts would only account for 20% of our success… The other 80%? Action into the uncomfortable. But he also saw that once he started to do the action steps into the uncomfortable… They just became a part of his life.

He was lost… Now he had found himself. His life. His marriage. Even his work picked up dramatically as he started to see the difference that he was making in the lives of others, and how work continued to pour in almost faster than he could handle it.

The icing on the cake for me actually came as a surprise phone call from his wife one day after we had ended working together for over a month. As she started talking of course my concern was hoping that he had not gone back to his old ways but the opposite was true.

She was filled with joy. She commented about the notes that he left every morning, and how they had made a complete difference in their marriage… Yes little notes in the morning had made a complete difference in their marriage.

Now, comes the best part. Not only is he changing his life by eating 4-5 times times a day, and going to the gym every day, but she has started to join him multiple days a week at the gym. Their marriage is solid.

Are you lost? Do you struggle with weight? Addiction? Emotional spending? Low self-esteem? Low self-confidence?

I can tell you firsthand after being in this industry for 37 years, that this type of turn around in someone’s life demands incredible effort, and it is worth every ounce of effort that you will give it.

I am so proud of this former client. You can do the same thing. Are you ready? Contact us at www.davidessel.com and we will help you achieve the life you’ve always wanted.”

Healing Stories: Relationships – My Husband Was Not The Man I Was Looking For

Healing Stories: Relationships – My Husband Was Not The Man I Was Looking For.

Relationships…Imagine this. You’re on the search for the man of your dreams. People have convinced you that you must find your soulmate in life in order to feel complete, whole and happy. And you buy into that story. Your life is not complete without the super special hero that you’ve been looking for for two years .

Over the past 27 years, number one best-selling author, counselor, life coach and radio host David Essel has helped hundreds of women in the same predicament. They feel less than, as they watch their girlfriends get married, have babies, and create the dreams of their lives. Or so they think.

And in their work with David, many of them find something magical that has nothing to do with the soulmate myth. Let’s have David talk about one special woman that he worked with, and how the man of her dreams, was never the husband she was actually looking for.

“A number of years ago I g0t an email from a woman who would listen to my radio show. In the email it was quite clear that she was looking for her soulmate. She felt that she was incomplete. She was not a whole. But she told me in the email that if I could help her find the man of her dreams, her life would finally be worth living. And she even sent me a description of what this man would look like.

She said that he would be 6 feet tall or taller, blonde hair, blue eyes and he would be earning a salary of $150,000 or more every year. Would I be willing to help her find this special superman of a husband?

As I read the email I thought oh my gosh this girls been reading too many books on soulmates. And sure enough, when she walked into my office that proved to be true. She had attended so many soulmate workshops, had read all the number one best-selling books on how to find your soulmate… that she was convinced he was out there, but obviously she just needed my help for a few weeks in order to push her in the direction where she could locate him and ride off into the sunset on his huge white steed.

But surprises were in store for her. During our first couple sessions I said that it was interesting that she had all these preconceived notion’s of his height, haircolor and income… and of course she even had a vision board with pictures of men that look something like this hero she was looking for.

All over the vision board were quotations about income, quotations about the perfect soulmate husband… And I asked her would she be interested in following a slightly different path to find a really great husband?

She asked me to explain. So I said I want you to create a list of the personality characteristics that you’re looking for. Such as is he a good communicator? Is he funny? Is he trustworthy? And I asked her to go home and create a list of all of these attributes that could be the starting point to look for in a great man who could be husband material.

She came into the session, threw her notes down, and said David that exercise was boring as hell. I hope I’m not going to have to stay on this path because I’ve got all these vision boards made and I want to find that man that I’m looking for.

I smiled, shook my head and said we are in for a great ride. If you follow through with what I say I promise you you’ll find a great guy to potentially become a husband.

After a few weeks in following my system she said she had had enough. That she want to go back to all the famous books and authors that focused on pictures on a vision board, not the silly characteristics I was asking her to write about.

Fast forward a number of years. I’m at a large convention speaking on stage, I get off the stage and there’s a line of people that I go through each and everyone of them answering questions. At the very end of the line was a woman waiting patiently. When I came up to her she asks if I remembered her ?

I barely could but I couldn’t figure out from where. And then she said I’m your soulmate woman. With that statement we both started laughing so hard. She said I have to ask you if you have a half an hour for coffee, and tell you a story you’re going to love to hear.

As she started sharing the story I knew the direction she was going in. She told me when she left the office and she was not impressed with my work at all. No surprises there! But after a couple more months of chasing this perfect hunk of a man on her vision boards she pulled out the list of characteristics I had asked her to focus on.

And at that time, as she was looking at these characteristics, of a man who is trustworthy, funny, open with his emotions, determined to be successful in business and relationships, she decided to put her vision boards away and to start focusing on these attributes.

It was at the same time that she got a call from a former business partner, who also opened his own business just like she did, and he asked her to meet once a week for lunch to go over how they could become accountability partners for each other… So they could each grow their business at a faster rate.

She had so much fun with the lunches the times flew by. One day when he got up to go to the bathroom, a girlfriend she hadn’t seen in a while came over and started to remark to her about all the sparks flying between her and this new boyfriend. She immediately refused to accept that title that this guy was her new boyfriend. She thanked her friend, and said that’s no kind of a boyfriend I want, he’s just a good friend of mine and we’re doing business deals together.

Her friend, wouldn’t buy it and told her that the energy was electric between her and this man from across the room. And she should think about that whole thing of soulmates and maybe give this guy a chance to be in a relationship with her.

As her friend left the table all she could do was shake her head and say that is a silly idea. There’s no way this guy is what I want. He short, bald, a little overweight, nothing like my soulmate pictures.

But when she went home and started to revisit all the personality characteristics that her and I had come up with… She was sitting in shock. He was hilarious. He was a great listener. He was interested in her day. He was interested in her life. He was interested in her opinions about business. He was always on time. Respectful. Could this be a guy that I would even want to date? The thought continued to haunt her.

She knew he didn’t make $150,000 year. He sure as hell wasn’t 6 foot tall, he had no hair, his eyes were not blue… But then she slowed down. And said just maybe.

As the weeks went by she started to feel more drawn to him. Every time he laughed hysterically at their lunch meetings together, she couldn’t stop yourself from laughing. Every once in a while he would send her a sweet text, nothing mushy, but it always tied into something she had specifically said at their meetings. He actually paid attention to her mind as well as her smile!

Then my former client looks at me… And before she starts talking, there’s tears falling down my cheeks. She smiled and said, thank you so much David, you were right. He overwhelmed me with love, and we’ve been married for a number of years. I never would’ve seen the beauty in this man if you hadn’t guided me with so much wisdom in the art of this relationship.

We hugged and walked away. It made me reflect upon the beauty of her open mindedness. About her willingness to move away from the “mass consciousness nonsense of the perfect soulmate on a vision board “concept.

And I’m not saying that vision boards are stupid, or soulmate ideas are ridiculous but I just know the reality of relationships after being in this business for 37 years, is that sometimes, not all the times, but sometimes people get so focused on what the gurus are teaching us that we start believing in their words versus following our heart.

If you truly want deep love, a beautiful relationship, email me at the website www.davidessel.com and let’s look at what some of your beliefs are that may be unhealthy regarding love and relationships, and find a way to turn them around so you can you create and experience the type of love you desire.”

David Essel, marriage, relationship, abusive relationship, happy marriage, healthy relationships, how to save a relationship, David Essel, Positive Thinking Will NEVER Change Your Life…

Healing Stories: The Saving of a Marriage

For most of us, marriage is hard work. Really hard work. And it seems with the divorce rate of over 50%, that a lot of us think marriage should be something effortless, like the old fantasy speak when people talk about finding your soulmate and never ever arguing for the rest of your lives together.

I wish it was true. But, after 27 years as a counselor and a life coach I can tell you that most successful marriages come about when people are able to ask for help, reach outside of themselves, to take care of the resentments and issues that may have been with a couple for a very long period of time.

About 10 years ago a woman came in to work with me after being in a dysfunctional marriage for a number of years. Everything came to a head, when her and her husband got into a physical altercation in their home.

A restraining order was placed upon him, and because they had a small child, the only way they could meet was on a very limited period of time in a very public setting.

During our sessions she would often wonder aloud if she should ever consider taking her husband back. He had been through anger management counseling, by then the restraining order had been dropped, and they were seeing each other a couple days a week mainly so he could see their young child.

I told her that number one she would have to take full responsibility for her role in the physical altercation that lead to her husband being taken to jail, and the concept of divorce was very real and in their faces.

Within a couple weeks she had done just that. Even though she wasn’t the one who had started the altercation, she accepted her role as someone who would push his buttons many times, in this case one too many, that helped push him over the edge.

Within another month or two he contacted me and said that he wanted to start working with me as well since he had completed his court ordered counseling.

Now to the average person, there is not even a question here. Divorce him now! As a matter of fact that’s what most people in her family said would be the best option, but she wasn’t so sure.

Due to this experience, his mind was wide open. He followed everything I asked him to write about, read about, he showed up on time for sessions and even did extra homework that I had never requested.

She did the same thing. She continued to come and work with me for over a year, as they tried to make a decision that would be best for them and best for their young child.

At the end of the year of working together they asked for my opinion. It was easy for me to look at both of them together in one session and tell them I thought they had what it took to bring their love back together, because we had already examined what led to the confrontations in the first place.

Their marriage grew stronger. Their love grew stronger. There was nothing getting in their way, and they created the most incredible love relationship out of something that seemed like absolute hell.

Regardless of how difficult your relationship might be, when both people come to the plate with an open mind and are willing to do the work necessary to heal their love, healing can take place.

You might be reading this and think that in your marriage, even though it’s filled with drama, it’s nowhere near this bad. But, if you want a great relationship instead of a mediocre one, that’s when we reach out for help.

I am so proud of this couple. I’m so proud of the thousands of couples I’ve worked with that Have created something beautiful in love, when they are on their backs hitting bottom.

If you’d like a few steps to help improve your marriage or relationship, whether it is seriously on the rocks or just not meeting your expectations , Please do the following:

Number one. Write down all of the things that attracted you to your partner in the beginning. What was it about them that made them special? Unique? A good fit for you?

Number two. This will take some deep, honest, soul-searching. How have you let your partner down? What have you done that has not been in the best interest of your relationship? Is it passive aggressive behavior? Have you become resistant to their needs? Have you become selfish with your time? Are you struggling with an addiction, that you need help with?

Number three. When you look at the above responsibilities that come from your side of the fence in this relationship, create a list of action steps that you can do to improve how you act with and around your partner. Don’t fall into the victim mentality state, where everything that’s gone wrong with your relationship is their fault. It rarely if ever is.

Number four. Ask for help. Whether it’s with a counselor, coach, minister, rabbi or anyone else in the world of relationships… Don’t do it on your own. Reach out for help. Even if it means that you go alone, because your partners not interested, many relationships have been healed with just one person reaching out for help.

If I can help you in anyway whatsoever go to our website www.davidessel.com/relationships and we can create for you, the same thing we helped this other couple create…

Deep, abiding, lasting love.

Crazy making in love! Oh NO!

Crazy making in love, is actually a form of co-dependency!

Watch this super short video, and learn how to end this insanity today.

THE RED FLAGS OF DATING!

YES! These are the red flags of dating that too many of us DO NOT pay attention to.

 

Enjoy

 

Seminar: “Love and Relationships: Everything you’ve always wanted to know”

“Love and Relationships: Everything you’ve always wanted to know”

A one-day intensive motivational event on Wednesday September 24th, 2014

 

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PRLog – Sep. 8, 2014 – Contact: David Essel, 239.433.9111

National Radio Host,  International Speaker and Author, David Essel, Presents, “Love and Relationships: Everything you’ve always wanted to know”

A one-day intensive motivational event on Wednesday September 24th, 2014

Fort Myers, FL – September 8th, 2014 – Nationally recognized motivational speaker and author, David Essel, M.S., is bringing his highly acclaimed seminar, “Love and Relationships”,  a one-day intensive motivational event to be held on Wednesday, September 24th, from 6:00pm to 8:00 p.m., at our co-sponsor HYATT REGENCY COCONUT POINT RESORT & SPA, 5001 Coconut Road, Bonita Springs, FL 34134

“With the divorce rates still at 55%, when are we going to change our approach to love? That’s why we devised this course. To get to the facts, to help save relationships on the cusp of ending and awaken everyone else to the simple fact that we all must change…we need to release the illusions about love” says course creator David Essel.

Here are a few of the important walk away points attendees will receive in this action packed 2 hour event.

·       That self love is the first and most important step on learning how to love another.

·       The secret tool for deep intimacy that no one has ever told you about!

·       The role resentments play in love and how to let them go for good.

·       How to release all past relationships so that you can be “present” for your current or next one.

·       How to create the most amazing love relationship you could ever imagine possible!

·       How to really talk to your partner openly and honestly about intimacy! (Oh my! No one does this in the way we teach you!)

·       The art of “Divine Union” in love and how to get there with your partner

“David Essel’s destiny in life is to help you feel more alive in every area of your life,” shares Wayne Dyer, Ph.D., internationally renowned author and speaker in the field of self-development.

This one-day intensive motivational event, “Love and Relationships”, is being offered at the low price of just $27 per person. This motivational program is offered across the country for $399 per person. Seats are limited. For more information or to register email talkdavid@aol.com, or visit talkdavid.com.

About David Essel

David Essel, M.S. is an Author, National Radio and Television Host, Master Life, Business and Relationship Coach, Adjunct Professor, All Faiths Minister, Addiction Recovery Coach and International Speaker. His mission is to inspire others to reach their own exceptional potential in their business and personal life. His purely positive national radio show of 23 years, “David Essel Alive!,” is heard on iHeart Radio every Saturday from 6-9pm EST. David’s professional presentations on how to lead a passionate and inspiring life have drawn rave reviews from corporations such as Chico’s, Nestlé, and Boeing, media outlets such as FOX and Premiere/Clear Channel Radio, as well as non-profit organizations like the March of Dimes and Unity Church. David Essel offers coaching and group sessions via phone to anywhere in the world. For more information call (941) 266-7676 or visit davidessel.com

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