Codependent in Love? Are You Codependent? And Trying To Be in Love?
Codependent in love? Are you codependent? And trying to be in love?
It is a difficult path being codependent in this world.
David Essel, who will write the article below, struggled with codependency for most of his life, until 1997 when he spent a year with another counselor to get to the bottom of this challenge and finally healing it.
What he found along the way as a counselor himself, is that most codependents are rarely satisfied in their intimate love relationships.
Below, number one best-selling author, counselor, and minister David describes what happens in the mind and heart of the codependent trying to be in a love relationship.
“ There are so many definitions of codependency, but the one I’m going to use today is really basic: our fear of being rejected, our fear of being criticized, and our fear of being abandoned rules our life.
It’s simple, powerful and in my opinion, codependency is the largest addiction in the world.
So if you’re codependent in love relationship, you’re going to be afraid to ask for your needs to be met in the bedroom. You’re going to be more than likely afraid to speak up and to say I’d rather not do “this“, anymore… Whatever the sexual act is that you’re not interested in.
The codependent has a really hard time setting boundaries, holding consequences, and they become a pushover in love.
They are often very anxious, nervous, and many of them go into an addiction to alcohol, food, or deep depression because they’re not getting their needs met, and they are petrified of someone criticizing them for something they may want out of the love relationship.
In our new top-selling book, “50+ flavors of erotic love… Leaving the vanilla world for ecstasy!”, I share so many stories of clients that kept quiet for 10, 20, 30 even 40 years of expressing what their intimate needs were with their partner because they were so afraid of being shut down.
And with good reason. Many codependents will try once or twice to talk about their intimate needs, or to ask their partner about how they can please them more effectively… Only to be criticized, rejected.
It’s a brutal life.
But the great news is, just like every codependent story I share in my book, if you’re willing to do the work, to learn how to set boundaries and consequences in life, you can get your needs met in the bedroom!
The codependent is not a doormat! They just have not yet found the confidence and self-esteem to be able to express themselves intimately.
One of my clients fell into this trap immediately after getting married.
She was somewhat of a quiet person, when she brought up to her new husband that she wanted to try something a little different in bed, he blasted her! He told her it was totally inappropriate, he told her that they would never do anything but missionary sex and not to even breathe a word again about creativity in the bedroom.
So for 30 years? She was mute. Unhappy. Unfulfilled. And mute.
Once we helped her shatter her codependency? She found her true self. She found she was willing to stand up to her husband and told him that if they didn’t go in to counseling she would divorce him, and it was the straw that broke both of their backs as they came into my office and we were able to in a short 10 weeks totally turn their communication and intimate life around.
Don’t give up. Never give up. But if you find yourself as the codependent in a relationship, reach out today to a professional for help. Even though it’s the largest addiction in the world, it is beatable. And I am proof of that along with millions of other people that we’ve helped become independent in their relationships, in the bedroom, and in every area of their life.“
David Essel‘s work is highly endorsed by individuals like the late Wayne Dyer and celebrity Jenny Mccarthy says “David Essel is the new leader of the positive thinking movement.“
His work as a counselor and minister has been verified by organizations such as psychology today and, marriage.com has verified David as one of the top counselors and relationship experts in the world.
To work with David one on one on your intimate life or your codependency, or to grab his new intimate book please visit www.DavidEssel.com
