Intimacy?

Is intimacy in your relationship not at the level you would like?

About 80% of clients that I’ve worked with in the past complain that they’re not getting enough intimacy, physical touch from their partners.

Many of them, complained about the fact that they used to have incredible sex lives, all kinds of public displays of affection for the first year or so of the relationship but now it’s disappeared.

What do we do?

For 40 years now I’ve been in the world of personal growth as a counselor, number one best-selling author, minister, and master life coach.

I’m going to share a thought below that might seem a little different, but it has worked for so many of my clients over all these years!

And it’s a topic a lot of couples have a hard time talking about, even saying the word, can make some people feel uncomfortable.

But there are so many couples, I can think of one right now that I worked with in Australia, that have been married for 20 years but for the past 10 years had not had sex at all and they were both considering divorce.

So what did I recommend?

Here we go, buckle your seatbelt‘s because this stuff really works!

Number One. Encourage them both to take a shower and pick one night a week that they’re going to try to rekindle the flame. I only do that after I make sure there are no long-term held resentments by either party against the other, resentments will destroy all kinds of chances to rekindle a relationship.

As a sidenote… I worked with this couple for three months to get rid of all of their resentments before I brought them into this exercise we are describing today.

Number Two. So let’s say they pick Saturday night at 8 o’clock, so they both take their showers, they decide if they want to put on lingerie or pajamas or if they just want to do what I recommend… Just slowly slip into bed naked.

Number Three. We begin with simple kissing. With so many couples they’ve forgotten the art of kissing and the powerful release that happens with endorphins when we get involved with deep French kissing… Which is an amazing way to connect with your partner.

Number Four. While they are kissing I ask them to caress each other‘s bodies… To run their hands from their hair all the way down their back to their butt to their legs just keep gently touching each other‘s bodies… The skin is the largest sex organ on the body. It is so incredibly sensitive for most of us that it’s a beautiful way to slowly walk back into an intimate life together.

Number Five. After kissing and touching for 5 to 10 minutes and then ask them to start playing with each other‘s genitals… It’s called mutual masturbation.

So as you slowly arouse each other with the kiss and the touch we start to play in this area… Gently rubbing a finger around your partner’s most intimate parts, getting them excited, getting the man hard and the woman dripping wet.

And then I ask them to go ahead and masturbate each other, to gently touch and tease until their partner reaches orgasm, and then they reach their own orgasm.

With some couples I have them doing this at the same time, with others they take turns and one person lays on their back while the other massages their genitals and brings them to orgasm.

I have found, over the last 30+ years, that this one exercise repeated only one day a week will start to rekindle that deep flame within.

As many of my couples say after three weeks of doing that they’re already making full-blown love again something that they hadn’t done in years!

You can also find more erotic intimate ideas in our new top-selling book “50+ flavors of erotic love… Leaving the vanilla world for ecstasy!“

If you want to work with David 1 on 1 to improve your intimacy and communication skills, join his course here https://davidessel.com/love-intimacy-communication-deep-sexual-connection/

Drop the shame, drop the guilt, follow the directions above with an open heart and an open mind in order to rekindle the deep flame in your love relationship.“

David Essel‘s work is highly endorsed by individuals like the late Wayne Dyer, and celebrity Jenny McCarthy says “David Essel is the new leader of the positive thinking movement.“

His work as a counselor and minister has been verified by organizations like psychology today, and marriage.com, which has verified David is one of the top counselors and relationship experts in the world.

To work with David one on one in his love and intimacy course from anywhere in the world via phone or Skype, please visit www.davidessel.com

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Message of Hope

By David Essel • January 2, 2026

I sit here today, like many people, looking back at the last five years and understanding the struggle that most of us have been going through. Like me, you might be experiencing a holiday season without a loved one Like me you might be experiencing a holiday season that has been preceded by several years of deep trauma, that for many of us is a part of our lives… Even though we wish it wasn’t. In the struggles we’ve all faced, I think it’s so important to figure out what we’re learning about ourselves, what we’re learning about our belief systems, what we’re learning about self-care and how we treat others. Normally people do these posts on January 1 getting everyone ready for the new year, but I wanted to do it today because 2026 is in our hands, it can be complete crap, or it can be something quite different. It really depends on our perspective, our mindset, and how we’re willing to change what isn’t working now into what will work in the near future. Some of us have had incredible health struggles. Others have had relationship break ups. Others have gone through Divorce. Others have gone through financial collapse. Others have tried to figure out the whole world of grieving, after losing a loved one when they’ve never been in that position before. Others have struggled with finding the right job, the right career Others have struggled with deep mental health issues, anxiety, depression, mental issues. So we come to this point, and we can either hold onto the struggles that we’ve gone through over the last five years or we can slowly start to release them and look for tools that are all over the place and how to change our mindset how to change our subconscious mind and how to expect the best after five years of hell for many of us. Is it possible? Hell, yes! But we have to decide now… How we’re going to strengthen our mental health, how we’re going to improve our physical health, how we’re going to improve our relationships, how we’re going to improve our financial situation, how we’re going to improve anything else not mentioned here that has been a stressful experience for us in the past. Many of us will find solace in a deep connection by going deeper into your spiritual or religious experiences. Others will find solace by finding a mentor, counselor, teacher who can assist us because they’ve already been in the situation we’re currently facing. Others will find solace “community“, whether it’s business groups or Recovery, groups, or mastermind groups, community could be the answer for many people who are struggling right now. Others will find solace simply by letting go! By releasing the constant grind… By releasing the Constant need to “have more buy more“ Others will find solace by going deeper into the world of volunteerism, whether it’s pet shelters or reading to the blind, there’s so many different ways that you can start to shift your identity from struggle to service. Others will find solace by going into the creative world, by learning a musical instrument or learning how to draw or paint or woodwork or some other type of hobby that allows them to tap into different parts of the brain to continue to grow as a human being, not to get stuck in the negativity. I have clients that have found great solace in the last six months by completely getting off of all social media. I have clients in the last six months that found solace by completely eliminating anything to do with the news or political conversations. I have clients in the last year that never believe they’d be able to meditate or learn diaphragmatic breathing or learn emotional regulation or lose 50 to 100 pounds and yet they’ve all done it in the last 12 months! But it didn’t happen because they started 30 days ago it’s happened because they started 12 months ago which is the whole purpose of my article here! Now is the time my brothers and sisters to begin the change! Now is the time to start to really learn about the power of your subconscious mind and how to turn it into one of the greatest assets you’ve ever had in your life and I promise you this… If you learn how to master The subconscious mind in 12 months, you’ll be a completely different person potentially in every area of your life! I’ve seen that happen in my life! I’ve seen it happen in thousands of thousands of clients that I’ve worked with over the past 50 years… Their lives completely changed in a year or less! This is why I am Asking you to strongly consider taking the time now up until January 1 to really get yourself going so on January 2 you know what you’re gonna be doing every day in order to shatter the old triggers, to shatter the old fears and insecurities, and to bring you to the place that you want to be financially, relationship, wise, healthwise, mentally, emotionally… I want you in 12 months or less to be exactly where you want to be and I know you can do it because I’ve seen it happen over 1000 times! You have the power to radically change your life right now if you so desire! You have the power to completely turn around anything that has been a trigger, and turn it into a non-event! Believe in yourself! Believe even deeper in yourself! I am wishing you the most amazing radical change if that is what’s necessary in your life, so you can live the life of your desires, your dreams and create at the same time opportunities for others to see what’s possible… You become the role model for success! I’m sending you so much love, so much joy, and a prayer that you take 2026 seriously enough to begin in writing the daily rituals that you will start to follow in order to create what you deserve. With love, David