Sex, Deep Intimacy and Men?

As a man, are you fulfilled on the intimate level with your partner?

For the past 40 years, I have been blessed to work in the world of personal growth as a counselor, number one best selling author, and more. One trend that I continue to see happening even in my practice today is the fact that many men are not satisfied with their intimate or sexual life with their partner but they don’t know what to do!

I know the feeling. Even as a counselor, I was there before as well.

I remember for a long period of time, I would date wonderful women, that were best friends, that I got along with on many levels, both very attracted to each other… But all of my intimate desires were never fulfilled.

Why? Did I choose the wrong women?

Hell no!

The answer is… that I didn’t even know all of my deep intimate desires, my deep sexual desires number one, and number two, I didn’t have the strength to talk to my partners at that time asking them if they would be interested in going down the rabbit hole of erotic love.

So for all the guys reading this, I totally get you!

I know how hard it is, to get in touch with our own sexual needs and desires as well as our partners, and to be able to express to them what we’re looking for to make the relationship go deeper.

The emotion of sex is by far the most powerful emotion in the world.

If used correctly, can open huge doorways of creative lovemaking ideas and intimate connection, ideas that nothing else in your relationship could come close to!

It’s not that sex is the only thing or the most important thing in an intimate relationship, but it’s right near the top.

People or couples that deny the fact that they’re not being satisfied sexually, eventually turn to food, alcohol, pornography, emotional and/or physical affairs to get their needs met.

This doesn’t need to be the case any more guys!

So let’s look at a few key tips in order to get the most out of our intimate life with our current partner:

Number One. Get to know your own intimate and sexual desires.

So many men that I have worked with one on one, from all over the world, weren’t even sure of their favorite position to be sexual in, they weren’t sure if they wanted their partner to be more passive or more assertive, in other words, they were not really in touch with their own emotional, psychological and physical needs in the bedroom.

So grab a book on intimacy, start to challenge your beliefs about how deep you can go into the erotic intimate lifestyle. Our newest book, which is off the charts right now is called “ 50+ Flavors of Erotic Love… Leaving the vanilla world for ecstasy!”

I would advise all men to grab, if not my book, a book similar to this, that talks about all of the different ways we can be more erotic and more intimate with our current partner.

Number Two. Men, we’ve got to overcome our shyness about talking to our partner regarding sex and our sexual desires!

After you master question number one above and get to know what your true desires are the next part becomes very difficult: talking to your partner about your desires.

This should never be done in the bedroom, it should be done in a very casual setting like going for a ride in the car or a walk together with your partner, this is where we will bring up questions such as:

Are you super happy with our sex life? Would you like to do anything differently?

Is there something that I can do for you that would really excite you and turn you on, that I’m currently not doing?

Of the various things that I do for you intimately, please share with me what turns you on the most and what you like the most?

In other words, to deepen our sexual and intimate connection, we start out by asking our partner these questions above. It’s not just about us, it’s about them as well.

You’ll be amazed when you start out the conversation talking about your partner’s needs, your partner’s desires … That they will be more open to listening to your wants, desires, and more as well!

Number Three. Create a list of some of the things that you would like to do with your partner erotically, some beginning steps, and share them with him or her.

Ask them to circle anything that they think would be exciting to try so that you know where their mind is.

In my book listed above, on erotic love, we offer over 50 different options of how to spice up your love life in the bedroom, and we ask all of our clients to go through the list and circle the things they love and then share them with your partner.

If you go slowly, with open communication, as a man if you’re dating or married to a woman, she will be much more receptive and open if you start asking questions about her needs and wants.

She will see that you’re tied into her emotionally not just physically, and in most cases even if she’s super-shy or if she’s prudish in nature, if you go slowly enough guys, you can open her heart, open her mind to looking at different ways to spice up your love life in the bedroom.

But a word of caution: if you present to your partner different ideas and thoughts and they shut you down immediately, do not give up.

This would be a great time to hire a professional, even if you’re the only one that’s going, to get really educated advice on how you can approach your partner in a different way that won’t be as threatening to her.

In our practice, the only time we do couples counseling together is with individuals who are looking to expand their sexual repertoire, to expand their erotic desires, then we work with couples from all over the world via Skype or phone to help them get on the same page intimately.

I know if you follow the above steps, you can create greater inroads into a deeper love connection, emotional and psychological connection, and then of course all of this will lead to…a more dynamic love life in the bedroom!“

David Essel‘s work is highly endorsed by individuals like the late Wayne Dyer, and celebrity Jenny McCarthy says “David Essel is the new leader of the positive thinking movement.“

His work as a counselor and minister has been verified by organizations like, psychology today, as well as marriage.com, which also verified David as one of the top counselors and relationship experts in the world.

To work with David one on one, in his “intimacy program for men“, simply visit http://www.DavidEssel.com

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GRIEF..BE CAREFUL! SELF TALK? A M ANXIETY?

By David Essel • December 30, 2025

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Message of Hope

By David Essel • December 30, 2025

I sit here today, like many people, looking back at the last five years and understanding the struggle that most of us have been going through. Like me, you might be experiencing a holiday season without a loved one Like me you might be experiencing a holiday season that has been preceded by several years of deep trauma, that for many of us is a part of our lives… Even though we wish it wasn’t. In the struggles we’ve all faced, I think it’s so important to figure out what we’re learning about ourselves, what we’re learning about our belief systems, what we’re learning about self-care and how we treat others. Normally people do these posts on January 1 getting everyone ready for the new year, but I wanted to do it today because 2026 is in our hands, it can be complete crap, or it can be something quite different. It really depends on our perspective, our mindset, and how we’re willing to change what isn’t working now into what will work in the near future. Some of us have had incredible health struggles. Others have had relationship break ups. Others have gone through Divorce. Others have gone through financial collapse. Others have tried to figure out the whole world of grieving, after losing a loved one when they’ve never been in that position before. Others have struggled with finding the right job, the right career Others have struggled with deep mental health issues, anxiety, depression, mental issues. So we come to this point, and we can either hold onto the struggles that we’ve gone through over the last five years or we can slowly start to release them and look for tools that are all over the place and how to change our mindset how to change our subconscious mind and how to expect the best after five years of hell for many of us. Is it possible? Hell, yes! But we have to decide now… How we’re going to strengthen our mental health, how we’re going to improve our physical health, how we’re going to improve our relationships, how we’re going to improve our financial situation, how we’re going to improve anything else not mentioned here that has been a stressful experience for us in the past. Many of us will find solace in a deep connection by going deeper into your spiritual or religious experiences. Others will find solace by finding a mentor, counselor, teacher who can assist us because they’ve already been in the situation we’re currently facing. Others will find solace “community“, whether it’s business groups or Recovery, groups, or mastermind groups, community could be the answer for many people who are struggling right now. Others will find solace simply by letting go! By releasing the constant grind… By releasing the Constant need to “have more buy more“ Others will find solace by going deeper into the world of volunteerism, whether it’s pet shelters or reading to the blind, there’s so many different ways that you can start to shift your identity from struggle to service. Others will find solace by going into the creative world, by learning a musical instrument or learning how to draw or paint or woodwork or some other type of hobby that allows them to tap into different parts of the brain to continue to grow as a human being, not to get stuck in the negativity. I have clients that have found great solace in the last six months by completely getting off of all social media. I have clients in the last six months that found solace by completely eliminating anything to do with the news or political conversations. I have clients in the last year that never believe they’d be able to meditate or learn diaphragmatic breathing or learn emotional regulation or lose 50 to 100 pounds and yet they’ve all done it in the last 12 months! But it didn’t happen because they started 30 days ago it’s happened because they started 12 months ago which is the whole purpose of my article here! Now is the time my brothers and sisters to begin the change! Now is the time to start to really learn about the power of your subconscious mind and how to turn it into one of the greatest assets you’ve ever had in your life and I promise you this… If you learn how to master The subconscious mind in 12 months, you’ll be a completely different person potentially in every area of your life! I’ve seen that happen in my life! I’ve seen it happen in thousands of thousands of clients that I’ve worked with over the past 50 years… Their lives completely changed in a year or less! This is why I am Asking you to strongly consider taking the time now up until January 1 to really get yourself going so on January 2 you know what you’re gonna be doing every day in order to shatter the old triggers, to shatter the old fears and insecurities, and to bring you to the place that you want to be financially, relationship, wise, healthwise, mentally, emotionally… I want you in 12 months or less to be exactly where you want to be and I know you can do it because I’ve seen it happen over 1000 times! You have the power to radically change your life right now if you so desire! You have the power to completely turn around anything that has been a trigger, and turn it into a non-event! Believe in yourself! Believe even deeper in yourself! I am wishing you the most amazing radical change if that is what’s necessary in your life, so you can live the life of your desires, your dreams and create at the same time opportunities for others to see what’s possible… You become the role model for success! I’m sending you so much love, so much joy, and a prayer that you take 2026 seriously enough to begin in writing the daily rituals that you will start to follow in order to create what you deserve. With love, David